Originally posted 10/30/04The one character in PK Wars that I couldn't connect to was Chiana. So, naturally, the muses insisted that the first story I wrote after the mini involves....Chiana!
Although, when all is said and done, this is really an Aeryn story, and John horned his way in, too, I ended up struggling with Chiana's grief over losing D'Argo. It led to some really intersting discussions with some of my betas -- and if you don't buy her for a microt, blame me, not them.
Rating: G
Setting: Very shortly after PKW
Spoilers: Through PKW
Disclaimer: Not my characters, not my universe, no money changing hands!
I'm making several assumptions here: That Rygel and Chiana are still on board Moya at the end of PKWars, not having left for Hyneria yet, and also that J&A wanted some family bonding time with their son and they had their private naming ceremony for young D'Argo on the terrace before telling anyone else on Moya of their decision to name him for Ka D'Argo.
Many, many thanks to imloco2, Atana, shipsister, Auna, and MadScientist for their feedback, suggestions, and discussion!
Immortality
"Honey, I don't think that's a very good idea."
John Crichton was sitting on the edge of the bed in their quarters, baby cradled in his arms, and his wife was standing near him. The expression in his blue eyes changed from adoration to concern as he pulled his gaze away from their tiny son, just days old and newly named, and looked up at Aeryn. "Pip is not going to want to talk about D'Argo. Not yet."
Or perhaps ever, Aeryn thought, remembering that suffocating, dreamlike feeling of trying not to drown in grief for the loss of one's mate. Chiana was as stoic in her own way as Aeryn was, so John was probably right. But, though she couldn't have said why it was so important to her, Aeryn dug in her heels and said, "Maybe not, John, but I have to try." She reached down and gently touched her son's soft cheek.
The baby gurgled softly and John and Aeryn locked eyes, smiling again. The wonders of new parenthood had them both too much in awe, too giddy, and even the loss of their dear friend couldn't dampen their joy for too long, though it hovered in the background.
"She should know about the baby's name before we tell Rygel and Pilot," Aeryn declared, eyes suddenly moist as she returned to the topic of Chiana, which brought D'Argo's sacrifice back to mind.
John thought for a moment and nodded in agreement. "You're right. She should know that. Just...don't push her, okay?"
Aeryn snorted. "And who was it who was prepared to carry her back to Moya by force when she thought her brother was dead?"
Abashed, and quite possibly thinking of an example closer to home, John muttered, "All right, all right. You won't push."
She smiled softly and looked at young D'Argo again, marveling at the way he moved his mouth, flexed his fingers, squinted at his father's face when John bent over to kiss the baby's wrinkled forehead�. How could anything so helpless be so beautiful?
"You want to take him with you?"
Of course she wanted to take him. She never wanted to let him out of her sight! She had no idea if this were normal in a new mother, or if her feelings were colored by how close they had come to losing this child. Still, Aeryn hesitated.
"Come on, who can resist a baby?" John grinned and held their son out to her. "You know you want to take him."
Was she that transparent? Yes, she admitted, she was -- to her husband, anyway, which was frightening and exhilarating at the same time. She reached out and took their son, trying to arrange the blanket he was wrapped in as she did so.
Gently rocking young D'Argo in her arms, she examined John carefully. If she took the baby with her, he would probably spend the time brooding about Ka D'Argo's death. If she didn't, he might still get to brooding because his friend never really got to see his namesake. She sighed inwardly, knowing she was worrying too much. John would deal with D'Argo's death in time, as he did everything else. It was just that so much had happened, so quickly...she found herself waiting for the other shoe to drop.
John cleared his throat, pulling her from her deliberations. "Give him back to me, or get out of here," he said, a smile in his voice. He reached his hands out and said, "Come on! Make up your mind, woman!"
"Fine. I'll take him," she said, leaning down and kissing the top of John's head. "Where should I look for you when we're done?"
He looked tired suddenly, and said, "If I'm not here, try the docking bay. I kinda need to fumigate my module."
"Whatever." She gave him a warm smile, and headed out the door.
John's voice floated after her. "Remember, no pushing!"
Once in the corridor, Aeryn commed Pilot to find out where Chiana was. He said, with a hint of concern in his voice, that he thought she was in the center chamber, so Aeryn headed there.
As she walked the relatively short distance, she talked to the baby, telling him who they were going to see, and what she intended to do. "So," she finished, "I really don't know if she's going to be happy to see you, because you're not her D'Argo, are you, little one?" The baby kicked, and then frowned a little, as if in sympathy. Aeryn smiled. "Well, maybe she will, you never know with Chiana," she finished, as they reached the room.
Aeryn was not surprised to find several DRDs hovering outside the chamber. She shooed them off and entered cautiously.
Food and cooking equipment was scattered around the room -- floor, counters...there was even some food stuck to the walls. Chiana was crouched on top of the table. She looked up when Aeryn entered and glared defiantly.
Aeryn took a deep breath and asked, "Did you do this?"
Chiana jerked her head in a sharp affirmative. "Yeah."
"Why?"
The Nebari glanced around the room until her eyes found what she was looking for. "Prousa fruit," she said bleakly.
"Ah." A favorite of D'Argo's. Aeryn walked across the room and sat down on the table about an arm's span from Chiana, settling the baby in her lap. He'd fallen asleep, which he seemed to do a lot, so she turned to Chiana and bit her lip. "Did it help?"
"No."
"Not surprised. Violence only helps at the beginning."
"Frell," Chiana muttered under her breath, but unfolded her limbs from her crouch and actually sat down next to Aeryn and dangled her legs over the edge of the table.
Despite the move, Chi's expression was angry, and Aeryn suddenly wished she hadn't brought the baby. It must seem as if Aeryn had everything her friend had lost....though, admittedly, Chi didn't seem much interested in 'narls.'
Chiana was actively
not looking at the baby, and that was disconcerting enough that Aeryn couldn't figure out where to begin. She found herself distracted by the girl's new eyes. "So, do you like them?" she asked.
Chiana tossed her head and looked at her blankly.
"The eyes," Aeryn added in explanation.
"Beats being blind."
Once again Aeryn was reminded that their friends had lived through a sixth of a cycle while she and John had been a pile of crystals. Young D'Argo squirmed just a bit in her arms, and Aeryn nearly gasped as that brought home how much she owed Chiana and D'Argo and the others. Without them, she and John would have been effectively dead, and the beautiful child in her arms would never have had a chance at life. She looked at the floor and then back up again.
When Chiana turned to face her with a touch of curiosity in her cat-like eyes, Aeryn said, "Things have been so frelled since we were brought back, I don't remember who I thanked. I hope," she said, voice faltering for just a microt, "I hope that D'Argo knew how much we appreciated everything you all did for us."
Chiana blinked back the moisture in her eyes and then looked across the room at the prousa fruit. Finally turning a steady gaze back to Aeryn, she said softly, "He knew."
"I am really glad," Aeryn said, fighting back a sniffle. She told herself that her emotions were still reeling from everything that they'd been through, and from the pregnancy, but she knew that was only part of it. D'Argo's death was likely to be a raw wound for what was left of Moya's family for some time to come. Thinking that she and Chiana could both use a temporary diversion from their grief, she changed the subject. "Well, I wanted to thank
you, Chiana, for helping me when I was in labor. I wasn't very nice to you." She smiled apologetically, remembering how much trouble she'd given Chiana, who was only trying to help.
"I didn't do much. Birthing babies....is soooo not me." Chiana shook her head.
"It wasn't your fault. You helped a lot. It was me. I only wanted John," she said, which was oh, so true. She'd never have made it through the birth, in the middle of a pitched ground battle, without John's help. Chiana was silent, and Aeryn hoped that she hadn't said too much, once again reminding Chi of the fact that the man she loved was gone.
The baby woke with a squawk, and Aeryn was preoccupied for a little bit, soothing him. He was going to need feeding soon, and he probably needed his diaper changed.
"Why'd you bring 'im?"
Startled, Aeryn looked up to find Chiana watching her intently. "I'm his mother."
"So? Crichton's his father. He could'a stayed with him."
Aeryn's first impulse was anger at the sharp tone of Chiana's voice, but she looked at the hunch of misery in Chi's shoulders and thought that the girl was about at the end of her self control. She'd better end this and get out. "I'm sorry," she apologized. "I came to tell you that John and I have chosen to name him D'Argo." Tears blurring her own eyes, she added, "I just thought you should know before we told Rygel and Pilot."
When Aeryn could focus again, she saw that Chiana's eyes were shining, but there was a ghost of a smile on her face.
"You and Crichton did that?" she said with a touch of wonder. The two women looked at each other steadily for a few microts until Chiana blinked and looked away. "D'Argo woulda liked that," she said softly.
Impulsively, Aeryn reached out and put her hand on Chiana's shoulder. "If you want to talk...."
Chi set her jaw and nodded once.
Young D'Argo started rooting against Aeryn's chest, looking for food. "I've got to go. He's hungry."
"Yeah. Go do the mommy thing."
Aeryn accepted the dismissal and got off the table and headed out the door. Behind her, she heard a single sob escape Chiana's throat. It hurt to keep going, but she remembered well the long days when even a friend's face was unwelcome.
Heading back to her quarters, Aeryn tried to soothe her son, but she'd already figured out that only the chance to suckle was going to make him happy when he was like this. Like father, like son, flashed through her mind as she walked, and she smiled.
She thought, she hoped, that Chiana was pleased that she and John had chosen to honor Ka D'Argo by giving his name to their son. And there would be more than that. Chiana might not be here to see it, if she went to Hyneria with Rygel, but John would keep his Luxan friend alive in stories for his namesake.
It was an immortality simple soldiers didn't aspire to, and Aeryn finally understood what had driven D'Argo to search so hard for so many years for his own son.
But young D'Argo Sun Crichton was definitely unhappy now, and she picked up her pace. If John wasn't in their quarters, she'd feed the baby, and then go find him....
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