Originally posted 3/2/04I kept wondering about John's older sister Susan, and why she wasn't around in "Terra Firma." Of course, there are a lot of easy explanations, like she's a brain surgeon and she had people depending on her....but I kind of resented her absence on John's behalf. So, I decided finally that I'd take it as a challenge to write her and
not make her unsympathetic. How well I've succeeded, I'm not sure, but....here it is: Susan Crichton's take on the circus surrounding her brother John's return!
Rating: G
Setting:
Terra Firma (very early, between the teaser and act I!)
Spoilers: Through
Terra FirmaDisclaimer: They're not my characters, and I mean them no harm (and I'm certainly not making any money off of this!)
Note: I've read only one other story involving Susan -- Casper F. Joke's wonderful tale -- and I deliberately didn't refresh that in my mind (But CFJ was very kind to say "Go for it!" when I asked about writing this), so any similarities to anyone else's version of Susan are coincidental.
Second Note: The more-or-less phonetic spelling of names is intentional. You guys know I know how to spell "Aeryn," right?
And many thanks to shipsister for encouragement, and to Loco, Shipscat, and MadScientist for beta duties, encouragement, and a couple of great ideas! I couldn't do it without you!
What Goes Around Comes Around
Susan Crichton Coleman stood in the corner of the patio with her arms crossed and surveyed the chaos in her father's Florida backyard. Her husband and son were somewhere out amongst the crowd, dressed much as she was, in jeans and a T-shirt, with a light jacket, but she hadn't seen them in a while. She wasn't exactly sulking, as her younger sister Olivia had accused her of, but....
Leave it to her father to throw a barbecue in December, when the sky was a dull overcast gray and the temperature was chilly.... The plants along the back of the yard were still green, of course. So was the lawn, or what you could see of it under the crowd of people milling around. She snorted at the ridiculousness of it all and ran her fingers through thick yellow hair that grazed her shoulders. But her heart caught and she took a deep breath as she remembered the reason for the party -- her brother John, three years her junior and lost in space four years earlier, was two days back from the dead, with a collection of space aliens in tow.
Susan had resisted believing that John could be alive, even though the redhead with the oddly opalescent eyes had told the Shuttle astronauts nearly six weeks ago that John Robert Crichton Jr. was a member of her strange ship's crew. It was all too science-fictiony. Even when her father had talked to her from aboard the ship, saying he'd seen John's old flight suit and a notebook with his handwriting in it, not to mention the Farscape module itself, she couldn't, wouldn't believe that John was alive. It was all she could do to believe the alien ship -- Moya? -- actually existed.
She sighed, and scanned the yard again, eyes settling on the cluster of aliens in the middle of the lawn. There was the tall orange one, with tentacles on his head. The old woman with three eyes. The frog-like alien who rode on a floating seat, like Yoda in the newer
Star Wars movies. The redhead who'd been around since the ship first appeared -- Sikozu was her name, Susan knew. The woman with the long, black hair who looked like an exotically beautiful human, but said she was not. The youngest one, the girl who looked like she'd walked out of a black and white movie. And in the center of them all, one more alien: Her brother John, dressed much like the dark-haired woman, in black leather, complete with a long coat that looked like it came out of
The Matrix. The expression on his face was both guarded, and stoic. Truth be told, the others with him looked a lot more interested in what was happening around them. Even the dark-haired woman, the one they said was a soldier, smiled from time to time, and some of the others looked around the crowded yard in frank amazement.
Her father came up alongside her without her noticing, and startled her when he gave her a quick hug. His face was split by a huge grin. "Isn't this amazing, Susan? Johnny's alive! He's back! Just think of the adventures he's had, the things he can tell us!"
But he isn't saying anything, is he? She didn't say it aloud, because her father was so thrilled to have his son back, but she thought it. Instead, she smiled weakly and waved her arm at the crowd. "Did you have to invite the whole neighborhood?"
"Well, it seemed only fair, considering how disruptive all this government security is to their lives. This way, they've seen real, live space aliens! They're less likely to complain about roadblocks and security searches if they have something to tell their friends about." He looked at the ground for a moment and then cleared his throat and added, "Besides, some of these people were really good to me four years ago, after the accident. I owe 'em."
Susan nodded, and said, "I know Dad, I wasn't really complaining. I'm just kind of overwhelmed here."
Her father nodded sagely, and said, "Yeah, it's pretty crazy at that." He gazed off into the distance briefly, a smile on his face, and then shook his head and turned back to Susan. "I'd better get back to the food anyway," he said. He headed back out into the yard, waving happily at John, who managed a smile and a wave.
Get yourself out there, Susan told herself firmly. Despite her earlier skepticism, she'd dropped everything and come running down to Florida, family in tow, as soon as John had actually appeared. Hugging him yesterday was the most surreal experience of her life, both miraculous and wonderful, and terrifying! But, she was here, she might as well spend some time with John and his...friends...despite misgivings she couldn't quite put her finger on.
As Susan walked from the patio out onto the lawn, she was accosted by several strangers, probably neighbors, who were excited to be in such close contact with momentous events, and she ended up spending some time caught up in making small talk. Yes, it's something we'll tell our grandchildren. Yes, it's amazing to have my brother back. It's true, the world will never be the same. Yes, some of them do look awfully strange. No, I don't think they'll die of the common cold like in the
War of the Worlds....
By the time she got away, she saw that the knot of aliens surrounding John had broken up. The one who looked so human was over by the barbecue, talking to Susan's father. Oddly enough, the two of them seemed quite comfortable together, though the alien -- What was her name, Erin? -- Erin darted looks over at John occasionally. Of course, so did his father, so that probably didn't mean anything. After all, John was the only human she knew.
The old woman and the frog were checking out the food tables, and the other three of John's outer space friends were, well, mingling probably wasn't the right word, because they were sticking together, but they were circling the yard, observing, and occasionally speaking with people, short sentences for the most part, by the look of it, except for Sikozu, who astonishingly enough spoke fluent English. The gray girl had such an odd, slightly jerky way of moving. Some of the neighbor children were trying to mimic the young alien, and they -- and the alien girl -- kept collapsing in giggles.
Susan shook her head, thinking that was going to be the latest craze at school soon, as her eyes searched for her brother.
"Mom! Mom!" The voice was instantly recognizable in the sea of noise, and her thirteen-year-old son Bobby came rushing up, face flushed with excitement. "Grandpa says I can video the party! Where did you put the camera? I can't find it, and I
need it!
Please!" he begged, going down on his knees and holding his hands out to her in supplication.
She couldn't help smiling at him. Having reached the hallowed milestone of "teenager," he tried to be so grown up most of the time, it was a joy to see him acting like a kid again, even for a little while. He was handling having his Uncle John back better than
she was.... "In the spare bedroom, Bobby," she told him. "In the closet. Where you put it when we got here," she added, as he raced off.
Susan dodged a few more neighbors, who seemed to find it easier to talk to the family than to approach John and his alien companions. She peered around the corner of the house to the side yard where it was quieter, still in search of John. Just as she caught sight of him, talking with her husband Frank, she became aware that someone was approaching her from the main part of the yard. It was the alien woman, Erin, coat flaring open as she walked, revealing a bright red lining that seemed at odds with all the black leather. There was a nervous smile on her face. At least, on a human it would have been nervousness, Susan thought.
"Hello," the newcomer said, extending her hand. "I'm Erin Soon. You're Susan Crichton, yes? John's sister? He's spoken of you and Olivia with affection."
Susan blinked in surprise. Erin spoke carefully, as if she were still translating from her own language, but her English was quite good. In the flurry of introductions at her reunion with John the day before, she hadn't realized anyone but Sikozu spoke English well. She took the alien's hand and shook it. Funny, that -- it felt like a hand.... Embarrassed, even though Erin couldn't have known what she was thinking, Susan quirked her mouth into a smile and said, "Yes, John's my little brother. Well, not so little any more," she backpedaled.
"No, not so little," Erin said, casting a serious glance over at John. When she looked back at Susan, she looked nervous again. "I'm very glad to meet you. I thought I'd never get to come to Earth." Her smile was oddly wistful.
Unsure what to say -- What
did you say to a sexy alien soldier who'd just arrived from outer space with your supposedly dead brother, after all? -- Susan fell back on small talk. "I saw you talking to my dad," she said. "He's over the moon at having John back."
"'Over the moon,'" Erin repeated with a pleased smile, and cast her eyes briefly upward to the sky. "I must remember that."
"It means he's really happy."
Erin nodded. "I know. Translator microbes," she explained. She chewed on her lower lip briefly, as if she felt she'd been condescending, and then handed Susan a peace offering: "It's a very complicated language, English. It should be easy, but it's not."
Susan frowned, wondering why this woman had bothered learning a difficult language that she didn't need to learn. Maybe just for the challenge. After all, human things must be as alien to her as, well, as
she was to humans. "You speak it very well," she said.
Erin smiled broadly at the compliment, a brilliant smile that Susan found almost overwhelming. Talk about the clich� of the blinding smile! Before Susan could say anything, Erin cocked her head sideways and said, "Thank you. That's good to know." After a pause, she shook her head and looked back over at the barbecue grill and said enigmatically, "I feel as if I already know Jack."
"Well, John's a lot like him," Susan said, thinking,
I'm making small talk with a space alien.... The sense of unreality she'd been fighting came back in force.
While she was trying to collect her thoughts, several things happened: Susan became aware that John was approaching the two of them. John and Erin locked eyes, and then there was a commotion back at the food table, causing the two of them to turn towards it simultaneously. Their diminutive frog-like companion appeared to be trying to take candy from a baby -- or anyway, a young child, who was objecting strenuously. John and his alien friend looked at each other again, and she quirked a smile. "I'll see to it," she said, and John nodded, a hint of something that might have been gratitude in his eyes.
Erin smiled at Susan apologetically, and said simply, "Goodbye. I hope we can talk more later."
Susan watched her stride across the lawn, long coat trailing behind her, and then turned back to John, her back-from-the-grave brother John, intending to say something pleasant and meaningless about the alien. The expression on John's face made her forget what she'd planned to say.
He was staring at her, mouth slightly open in wonder.
"What?" Susan asked.
"I never realized how much you look like Mom," he said, shaking his head.
She looked at him skeptically. She knew she looked more like a MacDougall than a Crichton, but John almost looked as if he'd seen a ghost. She wondered if she had the same expression on her face every time she looked at him.
When she didn't reply, he went on, "No, really." He reached out and gently touched her hair, with the most open expression she'd seen on his face since he'd been back. "You have her hair, the same color...."
"Straw," she said, with just a hint of annoyance. "It's the color of straw."
"Whatever." He shook his head. "You have her eyes, too. You look just like her when she was your age. You should look at some photos."
The look of pain that crossed his face then almost, almost made Susan feel sorry for him. She'd never quite forgiven him in her heart of hearts for not being able to accept their mother's illness, for making excuses not to be there for their mom when she needed her son as well as the rest of her family. Maybe part of the reason she was still angry about it was because John himself had never been willing to talk about it, and she had no idea whether he wished he'd done things differently.
And maybe that was why she was so...underwhelmed to have him back now. When the Farscape One had disappeared and John was presumed dead, they'd had that issue unresolved between them, and she'd felt guilty about it. Add to that her father's grief at the loss of his best-beloved son, and this newly-returned brother had a lot to answer for.
But he was still her younger brother, and she loved him, despite everything, and she wished she knew what was going on in his head. John looked like he felt as uncomfortable as she did, and so Susan asked more sympathetically than she'd intended, "Is it good to be back?"
His smile didn't quite reach his eyes. "It's just about the only thing I've wanted for four years." His eyes slid sideways briefly to where Erin Soon was comforting the little boy the other alien had upset. A man Susan presumed was the child's father was hovering, but the child himself seemed to have settled down happily, and Erin had that bright smile on her face again. John's mouth softened just a little as he watched.
"Then why didn't you come back before now?" Susan asked bluntly, thinking suddenly that she had an idea what another thing he'd wanted might be.... The alien woman wasn't what Susan thought of as John's type, but she was certainly beautiful, in a severe, exotic sort of way, and she looked so human, it would have been easy for a lonely man to pretend that she was.
John shrugged. "Couldn't. There wasn't a copy of
Wormholes for Dummies in a single bookstore in the Uncharted Territories."
His flip attitude struck her heart. For God's sake, didn't he have any idea what they'd been through? "I went to your funeral, John," she snapped, returning to an argument they'd started yesterday. "I put flowers on your grave. Bobby cried for weeks!"
He cocked his head to one side and sighed. "Susan, I can only say I'm sorry so many times. Believe me, I did not do it on purpose."
"Would you do it again?"
John glanced around the yard, seemingly looking over everyone at the party, but lingering briefly at each group of his alien companions. It wasn't clear if he was looking at anyone in particular, and Susan wondered if she might have been mistaken about Erin Soon. "Honestly? I don't know," he said at last. "But we can't change the past."
"I suppose not," she allowed.
You just have to move forward from here, she thought, scanning the yard again. Her son was videotaping two of the aliens, the gray girl and the tall one with tentacles. She was going to have to learn their names, she acknowledged to herself for the first time.
John followed her gaze, watching as Bobby asked questions and filmed. "Bobby's sure changed," he said. "Grown," he amended. "Looks like he's still a great kid."
"Thanks," she said, for the compliment to her son, and the implied compliment to her parenting skills. "So far we're doing okay with the teenage years." But did that mean something, the way "changed" was the first thing on his mind? "Are you okay, John?" she asked, hoping against hope he'd open up.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," he said, literally waving her concerns off with a flap of his hand. He looked around the yard again, at the milling crowds, and their father holding court at the grill with his chef's hat on, and then said brightly, "I think Dad invited everyone in a two-mile radius of the house, what do you think?"
She gave up, then, because this was like the thing with their mom's illness. Wild horses couldn't drag his true feelings out of him, which only suggested that whatever had happened to him over the last four years, it had marked him deeply, in ways he wasn't prepared to share. She really wasn't sure if she was angry, or saddened, she only knew that it made it that much harder to just go along with the rest of the family and welcome the prodigal son home. Going back to John's question, she surveyed the yard and said, "I think he's killed the fatted calf, all right."
"He shouldn't have done that," John said in all apparent seriousness. Before she could deconstruct the remark, he smiled wistfully and said, "Pizza would have been fine."
She wanted to scream, and she wanted to laugh, and she found she couldn't do either one. She hated feeling paralyzed, so she looked out at the party again.
People seemed to be getting more comfortable with the guests of honor. In ones and twos, the aliens had gathered a crowd. The black and white girl was swinging something that looked like a jump rope, possibly borrowed from one of the neighbor children. As small as she was, she almost looked like a cheerleader as she held the rope in its center and swirled the handles in a precise, repeating path. The old woman with the extra eye in the middle of her forehead was at the food table, apparently amusing people as she tried different combinations of food. Erin and Sikozu were surrounded primarily by men and boys, and seemed to be answering questions politely. Before she could pinpoint the other two aliens, she heard John's voice over her shoulder.
"Uh-oh," he said. "I gotta go. Cheeana's playing with matches."
Susan turned her head to see where he was looking, and realized that the "cheerleader" was trying to set fire to the ends of the jump rope with a cigarette lighter someone must have given her. What the heck was that about? The crowd around her hadn't gotten any smaller, but they were standing further away. "Looks like she could use a babysitter," Susan said. "Is she always like that?" she asked before John could escape, the first stirrings of real curiosity about the aliens finally showing up.
"Yes and no," John said, shaking his head. "Usually what she needs is a chaperone.... I gotta go," he repeated, and hurried across the lawn, though even Susan could see that Erin Soon and the tall tentacled alien were already heading in the same direction.
The black and white girl -- Chee-ana? -- looked up cheerfully when the two arrived almost simultaneously. Erin and Tentacle Man scowled at the girl, and Susan could hear the words "John," and "Crichton" floating on the breeze. Chee-ana didn't seem fazed in the least. If anything, she looked defiant, which did nothing to mollify the other two. From the way she kept gesturing at the barbecue, it seemed a good bet she was suggesting that fire was perfectly appropriate for the gathering....
Susan could only see John's back, but when he reached the group, he simply shook his head mildly and held out his hand. Chee-ana handed him the rope and the lighter with what could almost be described as a flounce, and Erin and Tentacle Man closed ranks next to her and John. Watching his body language, Susan had the eerie feeling that John was happier there, surrounded by creatures from outer space, than he was around his fellow humans, even family members.
Olivia walked up then, a diet soda in each hand. "Here," she said, giving one to Susan. "Or should I have brought a beer?" she asked, catching sight of Susan's sour expression.
"No, no, this is good," Susan replied. "Thanks."
"Isn't this amazing?" Never daunted for long, Olivia's eyes glittered as she looked around the yard. "John's alive, and he's back, and he's brought genuine spacemen with him! Have you talked with them?" When Susan shook her head, Olivia continued, "Dargo's a general, did you know that? And Erin's a soldier too. Their equivalent of a fighter pilot, I think, she has a ship she calls a prowler, and it's armed. Dargo says John's been with him and Erin and Rygel -- that's the little green guy over there -- ever since the accident, and Chee-ana's been with them almost as long, but the other two have only been on Moya for a few months."
As she listened, Susan was chagrined to discover that while she herself had been making small talk, when she talked at all, Olivia had been out getting to know John's alien friends.
Livvy must have realized she was babbling, because, though her grin never faltered, she stopped talking and took a long drink from her can of soda.
"So, how's John, do you think?" Susan asked into the silence, giving it one more try.
"He sure looks like he's been keeping in shape, doesn't he?" Olivia said after a pause. "I mean, you know, he looks like he's getting plenty of food and exercise."
Susan knew it was the closest Livvy was going to come to admitting John wasn't talking to her, either. If he hadn't talked to Liv...then he wasn't talking to anyone. "What the hell is wrong with him, Olivia?" she burst out. "He's more comfortable with those, those, those
aliens than he is with his own family!"
"Aw, give him a break, Suse! He's been living in a totally different world for four years, and he's been back, what, two days? He's bound to be feeling a little weirded out about being here. He needs time to sort things out."
Susan sighed. "Well, Liv, I don't think I can do that. I can't be walking around him on eggshells wondering what he's got all wrapped up inside."
It hurts too much, she thought. She looked around and sighed again. "I really should go back to work, too. This isn't a good time for me to be gone." It was a lame excuse, and she knew it, but she really couldn't stay.
Olivia studied her face for a little while, and then said softly, "He needs us here."
Susan stared back at her. Those four words brought a world of understanding, even though she couldn't allow them to reach her heart, not here, not now. She was doing exactly what John had done when their mother was so sick. She was hiding....
She saw the irony, and she saw that Livvy did, too. But she didn't think she could do anything differently. With all the old things still unresolved between them, she couldn't handle the distance John was keeping, and she couldn't handle the pain that seemed to be buried in this stranger who was wearing her brother's face.... Maybe later, when he'd sorted things out.... Maybe they could talk....
It must have been on her face, because Olivia saw it all. "Hey," she said, making no further attempts to change Susan's mind. "Why don't you and Frank leave Bobby here for a couple of weeks? You know Dad would love to have him, and it'll make him the coolest kid on the planet if he gets to be in the middle of this!" Livvy waved her hand around at the circus that was still going on in the yard. "It'll be an incredible experience for him!"
Susan took a moment to find Bobby. He still had the video camera, and he was talking animatedly to his grandfather. Olivia was right. He was having the time of his life. "That's a great idea," she said, and she actually laughed a little. "I suspect I'm going to have to leave that camera with him, though!"
Livvy smiled back at her and pulled her into a hug. "John'll be okay," Liv promised with no justification whatsoever.
Susan hugged her back tightly and whispered, "I hope so." She let go of Livvy, and scanned the yard for one last wistful look at her brother John, back from the dead.
Then she went to tell her husband it was time to go home....
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