Back in mid-2004, we had an Open House party on the old Fluffy Bunny Board. One of the activities was a "best paragraph" contest). The results were so much fun (not to mention shippy
), we couldn't leave them behind!
Thread stated by imloco2 on May 24, 2004Best paragraph - How hard can it be to write one little paragraph? Okay, it can be hard. You have to capture the readers interest right away. But you can do it! Now go forth and write... ! Winner gets trading cards.
Just add your paragraph in a reply and you're entered. Easy!
(Winners will be chosen by bunnies imloco2, tazey and aeryncrichton, all bunnies are ineligible to enter the contests for the obvious reasons and all contests end on Friday, May 28, at 6:00 pm)
ajshipper on May 24, 2004My entry to this best paragraph contest:
Waking suddenly, John shook from the cold.
Damn, it was cold. Where the hell am I? Where is AERYN! He then heard what sounded like a moan somewhere in the room he was in. He forced his eyes open, his teeth still chattering with cold, and he could see he was in some kind of room. Light was seeping through from what looked like a window up towards the ceiling. He could tell he was clothed in some type of what he would call PJs, but damn his body hurt. Even his teeth hurt like someone had done a tap dance on each and everyone of them.
What the hell did that ship shoot us with? John thought to himself.
Okay, John. You need to get up on your feet and locate Aeryn.
MadScientist on May 24, 2004John. Oh, no, it was Harvey again.
John. Not now, let me go back to sleep.
I would, but you have to take a look. What now?
At that! I opened my eyes and looked at Moya's screen, from where I was at the command station. We were
inside a wormhole, and... was that
Aeryn outside, waving frantically?
lobsteronmyhead on May 25, 2004{Uh, well - I probably should have simply entered the 'Worst Paragraph' contest twice, rather than attempt this one ... but I love contests, so - anyway, here goes:}
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It was all here - it was all now, in this moment, with this woman that he clutched as tightly to him as he did his own heartbeat. A sweetly ripened love might be all that was left, and each to the other, in the moments ... microts ... that remained; yet strangely, John felt that this would suffice as well as unspent eons. Softly, he cupped a hand under her chin, tipping her face up until the glowing eyes met his own.
Now, he breathed ...
remember now ...
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: loby
Nanse on May 25, 2004Here's something from a WIP I have
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John Crichton paced the docking bay like an agitated panther ready to pounce. His boots thudded loudly, echoing in the nearly deserted space. Only a couple dedicated and very brave techs remained, the others having cleared out sensing the growing tension in the human. Pissed didn't begin to describe what he was feeling. Hell, irate seemed an inadequate descriptor. Heads were going to roll for putting him through this worry, two in particular.
Chi27 on May 25, 2004Hmm...debated whether I should post this, but what the heck.
Everything was set as she lit the last candle. She had placed several candles -- large and small around the room. Once lit they gave the room the warm ambiance that she wanted to achieve. Mentally she checked off her list all things she thought to bring to make their time special. A couple bottles of fellip nectar, check; candles, check; strawberries, check; chocolate, check. She hadn't forgotten to bring along some other items, either like a couple of pillows, a covering and something of a make-shift cushion for a bed. Yes, this was to be their hideaway, a way of flying under everyone's radar, especially Scorpius'. She knew that almost no one ever came to this tier and so their little reunion would be safe from prying eyes
and ears. Of course, the object and reason for this preparation had no idea of the extent she had gone for them.
ScorpSik on May 25, 2004The transport pod which emerged from the large ship made it’s hasty way to the hangar. It was as filthy and intimidating as it’s host. It landed with a small, loud skid, and ground to a halt. As Sikozu walked toward her assignment and away from everything familiar, she really
did hope that her opinion of Grudeks was wrong ... but meeting their leader -- Warlord Ilkog -- she realised her assumption had actually been kind! Ilkog was large, smelly, and inarticulate. He was encased in both armour and dirt, his wispy facial hair clogged with grime. It began to occur to Sikozu, that she was the brunt of some enormous, hysterical cosmic joke. She -- the brightest of the bright -- was to be stationed aboard a ship full of these ... rajnots. Wonderful. She glanced down at her smart, orange outfit, which had the respectable cut of a business suit, and wondered why she had bothered making an effort. Ilkog approached her. Sikozu pulled her integrity together, and smiled sweetly "I am Sikozu Shanu.” Ilkog snorted; a laugh, or a put down? "You Toubray hunter?” Her heart fell; he could not even speak in a proper sentence. Feeling rather deflated, she sighed and said “Yes.”
Nanse on May 26, 2004Well, I'll add one more from my other WIP. It is a little long and probably better as part of the whole scene, but I kinda like it.
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As she walked through the narrow street, the smells and sounds of the dusty commerce planet washed over her. The assault on her senses both terrified and exhilarated her. It had been a long time since she had wandered any market place. Voices and aromas floated from all directions, overlapping into an overwhelming and almost indecipherable wave of perceptions. Well done spiced keedva sizzling on a grill collided with oolru root and Delvian poultices. Snippets of conversations rolled over into one another creating a senseless verbal mosaic. Unaccustomed to processing the vast amount of competing stimuli, Chiana's carefully developed compass spun out of control. She didn't like being out of control. On the other hand, the lack of control reminded her she was alive. The rising sense of fear, although not a pleasant feeling, reminded her that she still had strong emotions in her somewhere; that life could be more than endless routine.
SETI_fan on May 26, 2004I don't know if this "captures the reader's interest right away", but I'm pretty proud of the description I came up with here. Besides, with as much of my fics that relies on dialogue, single paragraphs with any internal coherency are hard to come by!
From a stalled work-in-progress:
Far away, a planet loomed that embodied every nuance of a gas giant. Even at this distance, its size was breath-taking. The central star cast a faint halo around its horizon. Multi-colored chemical clouds drifted, painting the world like a layered cliff-side. In the Southern Hemisphere, below the proverbial K-T boundary, a monsterous storm festered like an open, red wound.
Let me see if I have any paragraphs that better fit the attention-catching factor.
Seti
SETI_fan on May 26, 2004Here's two others from the same story. I'm not sure how to judge a good paragraph from a bad one, but these should at least catch the readers' interest, I hope.
Olivia's stomach clenched. She'd forgotten that John had sealed the main wormhole to Earth. If he didn't find the other one, he would eliminate his homeworld from the search altogether. She fought back the burning constricting her throat, drowning it with a gulp of water. It had taken months after she received the fateful call from her father passing on John's final farewell to accept that her brother would no longer be a part of her life, nor she his. She had maintained her control through Aeryn's arrival and contractions, but now, knowing that he actually had an opportunity to come home and didn't even know it, the loss and longing hit her again like the phantom pain of a missing limb.
and
She wished she could see the stars. Her thoughts were already among them a wormhole's flight away. Somewhere, among stars not even visible from this quiet, secluded world, the man she loved and the nearest thing to family she had ever known were laying their lives on the line in a desperate plea to insure that families on planets such as this would live to see their suns rise. And her heart ached to be out there, fighting side-by-side with them, back where she belonged. No matter what else, she was still a soldier and hated being grounded, even if it was for her own good.
There! Good luck to everyone participating! And definitely finish these fics! I'd love to read them!
Seti
ScorpSik on May 26, 2004Please bear with sliiightly inebriated posting...
Yes, her scars were beauty -- *different* to his own. Shifting his gaze so that he could look into her large eyes, he drew a finger along the line of one such scar. He smiled as her eyes fluttered closed and she sighed quietly at the sensation. He moved his hand over each and every mark, placing a kiss on each before moving on. The golden scales which adorned her pale skin danced in reflection across his own alabaster complexion. He mused how in certain lights, when he touched her, or she him, their matched pallour would make them appear as one.
Nanse on May 26, 2004One last entry into this from another section of one of my WIPs. This one might be a bit confusing, but it is meant to be.
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Chaotic voices rippled through the normally tranquil space. Thoughts that until recently had been singular, harmonious, unified, had fractured. The remaining splinters rose up against one another, overlapping, disagreeing, disturbing the natural balance. Emotions that had long since been banished returned with troubling power. Reports from corporeal space brought confusion, indecision, anger, and even fear that obscured the natural path that had always been clear.
Kazbaby on May 27, 2004Turning the lights down low, John turned to Aeryn and smiled. She stood in front of him wearing only her PK regulation underwear. His heart stopped at the sight of her voluptuous breasts. Swallowing hard, he whispered, "A little over dressed?" Quickly peeling of the offending garment, Aeryn smiled. "Better?"
Midnight on May 28, 2004My little contribution. The doc this comes from was placed into the WIP file earlier this morning. I thought this was going to be a nice little piece that I could just whip out. My bad.
Hard to choose which paragraph out of this WIP I wanted to use. The paragraph just before is as qualified. As to whether either of them actually make the contest level...that's up to y'all. This is not actually the opening paragraph. In true Midnight fashion, I left that as a single sentence. However, this is close enough for government work, I think.
"Well, Dad, it found Aeryn. Or, better, her room. Oh, Vorcs don't come housebroken, by the way. And it likes Peacekeeper women, real well. The feeling is not always reciprocated, though."
Midnight
Author
