My John

[imloco2]

(FBF) April 2, 2004, Thanks to Taz for the kick in the ass and subtle hint that I should do this. hee.

My John

Loves his father
Deifies his mother
Never really understood why they stayed married

Hates guns
Named his Winnona
Feels naked without her strapped to his leg
Accepts no substitutes
Secretly wishes she had more firepower, but will never admit it

Thinks he might be insane
Wants to be normal
Has no idea what normal is
Decided that normal is subjective and he'll take what he can get

Wants to spoil his grandchildren
but that requires children
Doesn't really believe he'll live long enough for that to happen

Hates being hunted
Just wants to be left alone
Enjoys the notoriety.

Loves Aeryn
Hates Harvey
If forced to choose between the two, isn't really sure who he would pick

Tries to do what's right
Has lost his internal map of what 'right' is
Decided that right is as subjective as normal

Was taught values
Was taught that all life is sacred
Was taught that good will triumph over evil
Realized that his upbringing woefully unprepared him for life in space.

Does not believe in killing, for any reason
Will not hesitate to do so if you threaten him or his
Does not see the conflict

Wants to live
Wants to die
Wonders if that makes him suicidal

Knows he lost something in the twinning
Wonders if he got it back when the other guy died
Grieves for his self-sacrificing hero twin
Wouldn't trade places for all the tea in China

Hates wormholes
Loves wormholes
Knows that in any contest wormholes will always win

Will try anything once
Twice if he likes it
Finds it ironic that only the stuff he doesn't like is what he gets to experience a lot

Loves Chiana
like a sister
sometimes

Has a plan
Knows it sucks
Does it anyway

Understands Scorpius
Doesn't trust him as far a he can throw him
Wonders when he started to admire him

Knows that Harvey owns his mind
Aeryn owns his heart
but wormholes fill his soul

Has hope
Occasionally misplaces it
Can't realize what it is
Doesn't know what it's good for
Can't get rid of it.

[imloco2]

(shipsister April 3, 2004,) OK, here's my take.


My John       

Is . . .

Patient.
He's learned love's lessons.
Most of them anyway.
He's willing to wait
for what he wants.
At least when it comes to Aeryn.
Most of the time.

Kind.
He fixes broken DRDs,
and sends them off to play.
Or teaches them Overtures,
to fill the maddening silence.

Stand-up.
Took risks for aliens while still strangers,
because it was the right thing to do.
Reneging on a blood oath with a vampire -- that's different,
isn't it?

Nurturing.
Taught life lessons to
a fallen priest,
an uninhibited surrogate sister,
a delinquent Dominar,
an enraged warrior, and
a repressed ex-soldier,
while discovering his appearance was just as deceptive
as theirs.

Peace-making.
Tried to do what his Mom
taught him,
but things always seemed to explode
when he was around.

Adventurous.
Set out to explore the wonders
of space,
like his Dad;
but when horror overtook wonder,
all he wanted was to be safe at home.

Responsible.
Always.
For everything, and everyone.
The perfect Boy Scout.
If things go wrong, it's his fault.
No exceptions.
If things go right, then it's just dumb luck.

But he figures dumb luck
is better than no luck at all.

Stubborn.
When he's right,
he's right, and doesn't
understand why the others
can't see it.
Wishes they were just as blind
when he's wrong.

Afraid.
Almost all the time.
Of the obvious -- god like aliens and intergalactic bad guys,
bleeding out, causing the deaths of countless millions.
And the not so obvious -- not being good enough, or fast enough,
or smart enough, when the time comes.
Losing Aeryn;
winning Aeryn.

Jealous.
Completely, blindly, irrationally.
How could a woman like her really want a guy like him,
anyway?

Lost.
Earth was the ultimate unrealized reality.
Thomas Wolfe was right.
But home really wasn't a fixed point anymore.
It was a person; home was wherever she was.

Resigned.
To a life beyond his ability to imagine,
a life that had to be accepted,
because there were no
alternatives;
embraced, because it felt better to pretend
he had a choice.

Resilient.
Enduring the unspeakable,
surviving the unbearable,
committing the unforgivable,
more than once.
Body battered, brain frelled, spirit crushed,
each time he healed;
hoped the losses were worth
the gains; hoped he'd never have to figure that one out.

Hope.
In the face of certain death, imminent mutilation,
and all the other known and unknown hazards of charted, uncharted
and tormented space, he still hopes.
To keep dodging fate's fickle finger.
To keep all of his friends safe, and alive.
To lose the wormhole curse before it destroys-- or seduces -- him.

Hope.
For a present and future
with Aeryn
and a couple of kids.
Because when he looks into her eyes . . . 
he can never see the end.





 

[imloco2]

(tazey April 5, 2004,)

All righty, here's my take.

My John

thinks he's different in many ways
though the ones Aeryn can't seem to comprehend
wonders why he can't let go of this
thinks he knows
just won't let himself know

believes science should be a bad word
sees the disasters webbed into its wiles
yet wraps his mind in glee around it.
The addiction is inbred and can't be shaken.

doesn't like to be compared to Scorpius
especially likened to him
wishes Harvey would stop with that already
wishes Harvey would just stop
hopes Aeryn won't start

will admit he dreamt of a great destiny
like any kid
especially an astronaut's son
didn't realize the sacrifices
and the overbearing burden of guilt
will relinquish the fame and power one day
without a backward glance
but just not to anyone

believes he's lost his ability to trust
gives away pieces of himself as before
but now remembers to keep the last shred
wonders if Aeryn knows she's the one holding it

wants to protect Earth
not because it needs protection
but because he needs it
its familiar madness makes him sane
his mother is buried there

has found friendships beyond breakability
will do what needs to be done to preserve their holders
die maybe
though if he could just try to... nah...
die
probably

thinks too much
yet he still makes mistakes
wonders if he should actually use his head

[imloco2]

(imloco2 April 5, 2004,) Everything pales next to D's John, but here's mine...



My John



Loves cars
sex
pizza
baseball
sex
beer
sex

and Aeryn

He survives in a distant Universe
and dreams of home
He survives home
and dreams of a distant Universe

He's never satisfied
Was born that way

Looks up to his father
Loves his father
Even when he thought he didn't

Thinks his father always thinks he's right
Thinks his father is often wrong
Knows he is often wrong himself
Is realizing that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree

Loves his mother
Maybe too much
Doesn't think about his mother
if he can help it

Thinks of Moya's crew as family
and best friends
Still thinks they're strange

Chiana is his boyhood fantasy come true
It's a good thing he was already into Aeryn.
So to speak.
He treats her like a sister
and tries to think of her like one.

Sometimes it works
Sometimes it doesn't

He's a one woman man
but he's not dead
He'll look

He thinks about his twin a lot
He never mentions him
Won't

Would give almost anything
to be able to stop running.
Doesn't really mind being famous.
Would like to stop killing
while he can.

Wishes everyone would leave his mind
the Frell alone.
That includes Harvey
whether he likes him or not

Feels wormholes in his sleep
Touches them when he's awake
They would swallow him whole
if it weren't for...

Loves Aeryn