I, Crichton

[ShipsCat]

I, Crichton

other wise known as a Tale of Two Crichtons. This was obviously written right after Eat Me, and we don't know what's going to happen with the doublemint twins.

I don't own Farscape and I wouldn't make two Crichtons if I did..unless I got to take one home.

Many thanks to MALar for reading my fic every time (when is he going to get bored with this?) and letting me know if I am getting my point across. And many thanks to everyone who read and responded- its the only thing that keeps me posting this stuff. (I might write anyway, just not show anyone : ) ).

I, Crichton.

by Shipscat

Simultaneously the two Crichtons decided that they had had enough of the neverending game of scissors, paper, rock and left Command to go to bed. It didn't take long for them to realize that they were headed for the same room and they split off and headed in opposite directions, both of them finding an unused and uncomfortable cell to spend the sleep cycle in.

The next day found them undergoing a series of physical and mental tests, being undertaken clumsily by the team of Jool, Stark, and Chiana. Zhaan's absence was keenly felt as the Crichtons were probed and prodded. No discernible difference was found between the two- not in mind body or soul, as far as Stark could tell.

Aeryn came in to check on them.

"We can't find anything that would indicate that one Crichton is 'more' original than the other," Jool said. "They appear to be exactly alike, right down to their reflexes."

The Crichtons both muttered, "Is it live or is it-" and stopped when they realized that the other was saying the same thing at the same time. They had been unusually quiet for Crichton.

Aeryn looked at them thoughtfully. "Talyn is very damaged. Crais is still unconscious. Jool is wounded-" she looked at Chiana, not willing to say anything about how freaked out and strange she had been since getting back to the ship. "and we are all stressed. And we have this situation," she said, looking at John and John. "What we are going to do is tow Talyn to as empty and unoccupied part of space as we can find. We need time to heal. We have all the supplies we need, so no one gets off and no one comes aboard."

"Great, Mom just grounded us," the Crichtons said.

Rygel, who had come up behind Aeryn and was peering over her shoulder, said, "What are we going to do about them?"

"Search for some way to put them back together?" she said inquiringly, looking at Stark.

"Aeryn, there's no need. Neither of them are missing anything. They are not two halves of a whole, they are both complete."

"There's nothing we can do?" she asked, swallowing hard.

"This might not be all bad," Chiana said, brightly. "It could be useful to have another Crichton around. We just need to find a way to differentiate between them."

"You are only happy about this because now you aren't so worried about your being a replicant," Jool said.

"Look, you redheaded-"

"That's enough," Aeryn said sharply. "So, we give them..him..them. new names."

"That's easy," Jool said. "Crichton A and Crichton B."

"No," both Crichtons said simultaneously. One John nodded to the other.

"That would imply that one of us was original or more real."

"Tweedledum and Tweedledee?"

"Thing one and Thing two?"

"Abbott and Costello?"

"Who's on first?"

They said in rapid succession.

"John Smith," one of them said resignedly.

"John Doe," the other said.

"We'll get you name tags," Aeryn said, and turned around to leave.

"You didn't mention all that I have been through," Rygel said pitifully. "Nobody ever worries about how I'm doing."

"You're right, Rygel," Aeryn said. "You're in good shape right now, no injuries or traumas. Come with me, I have work for you to do."

"Work?" Rygel said.

Chiana watched them leave. "I need to talk to Aeryn," she said suddenly, and followed them.

Chiana caught up with Aeryn after she and Rygel had separated.

"Aeryn, I know this might be a delicate subject, but you need to choose one."

"What are you talking about?"

"Crichton. Crichtons," she said with a tilt of her head. "You need to choose."

"Chiana," Aeryn said in an irritated voice. "I can't choose. They're both John."

"Yes, I know," Chiana said. "They are both John and they both lo- they both belong to you. But if you picked one.." She left the sentence dangling.

"Then the other one would be available for you to -move in on? Frell, Chiana, don't you ever think of anything else?" she said, and stalked off.

"If I had two Crichtons, I'd give *you* one!" Chiana yelled after her.


John Smith and John Doe, looking exactly alike except for the appropriate name tags, left the infirmary and proceeded down the corridor together. After a few microts, they realized that they were heading in the same direction and were going to end up in the same place. They stopped and glared at each other.

"This would be a lot easier if I liked you better," John Smith said.

"Don't I know it," said John Doe, and they split off and went in two different directions. They still had the same destination in mind, which was to find Aeryn.

On the way, John Doe ran in to D'argo.

"John, my good friend," D'argo said expansively. "I need your help. Hey, name tags. Good idea."

"What is it, D'argo? Because I was going somewhere."

"We need to get the transport pod running. The repairs made before we left that lunatic asylum of a leviathan aren't going to last very long."

"Can't it wait, D'argo? It's not like anyone's going anywhere right now," John said impatiently.

"We're short on ships right now. I'm not very comfortable with that situation," D'argo said seriously.

D'argo was right. The Farscape's biomechanoid parts were still fried. With Aeryn's prowler gone and Jothee taking a transport pod, they did need to make sure the transport pod was in working order.

"I suppose we don't want to end up like the Titanic. Gotta make sure there are enough lifeboats," John said, and followed D'argo to the maintenance bay.

They worked in comfortable silence for a while, reinstalling spare parts and reconnecting torn tubes and balancing 'fluid levels.' John snickered inwardly at that thought. John was trying to figure out how to make the pod more idiot proof when D'argo spoke.

"So, why did you name yourself John Deer?"

"John Deere? Like the tractor?" Realizing that another translator microbe hiccup was involved, John said, "It's a common name for someone that's anonymous.. if you found a body and didn't know whose it was, you would call him 'John Doe.'"

Wondering idly if there was a deer like animal that D'argo was referring to- yet another of the many things that he didn't understand about translator microbes- his thoughts were interrupted when D'argo said, "But you are still alive."

"Yeah, that's the problem. One too many Crichtons." John paused for a moment. "Doesn't it bother you that you were doubled? It's freaked Chiana out big time."

"No. I don't feel any different to myself. If I am not the original, I don't notice it."

"But you saw yourself dead. I saw you dead."

"Then I look at it as another lease on life. Perhaps I was meant to die at that time and everything from this time on is a second chance," D'argo said, sitting on the floor and relaxing.

"Like getting a spare life on Mario Brothers? That's a different way of looking at it." John was still examining the transport pod controls. He shook his head. "What we need are child locks. So D'argo, how would you handle it if your double- the other you- didn't have his brains sucked out with a straw?"

"I think that I would take advantage of the situation to explore the road that I have not traveled. One of me could find a nice planet to settle down on, and raise crops and live the quiet life."

"But it wouldn't be you, D'argo. You wouldn't experience those things."

"But I might find some comfort in knowing that the other one of me was. I think it would give me peace and keep me from being pulled in two different directions."

"You can be a real philosopher at times, big guy. It's great to be able to talk to you. Beats having just myself for company."



John Smith found Aeryn looking out the window of Command, watching Talyn.

"How is he?" he asked quietly.

"Not good," she said. " I don't even want to attempt any repairs until he's stronger- maybe not until he's..conscious- or at least until Crais is."

"I am sure we're doing the best we can for him with the life support."

"Mmm," Aeryn said, and she turned around to look at him. "Where's the other one?"

"I don't know," John said shortly.

"Why Smith?" she asked.

"It's the most common name in the U.S. It's often used as an alias if you're trying to hide your identity."

"But..you don't want to ..hide your identity?"

"No. I'd rather be Crichton. The only Crichton." He took a step to close the distance between them and then paused. "Aeryn, I have to tell you that whatever sort of identity crisis I'm going through, I am sure of one thing, and that is how I feel about you. I love you, and that's not going to change."

"I know," she said, conflicting emotions running across her face. "But that's true of the other one too, isn't it? I love you, but I can't... do this. I am going to go check on Crais again," she said and left the room quickly, leaving John looking after her longingly.

"Crap," said John Smith after Aeryn left. He blinked furiously and kicked the table. "This is an impossible situation."

"John?" Chiana asked timidly. "Can I talk to you?"

"Sure, Chi." He managed to assay a small smile.

"I wanted to ask- do you feel any different? Like you aren't you?" she said as she sidled into the room.

"Thanks a lot, Pip. Are you trying to figure out who's the real me? Because I don't think that's a question that can be answered."

Chiana sat down at the table and out her head in her head in her hands. "No. I was talking about me. I don't think I'm the real me."

"I don't feel like I've lost anything of myself, Chiana. Now, my life, that's a different story."

"I think I'm the wrong one and that I shouldn't have survived."

"Why?" John asked, sitting down beside her.

"Because that monster chose her and let me go. And because I ..I ..didn't help her- me- I ran and let him kill her," Chiana was starting to cry. "There must be something wrong with me. I must be defective- how could I do that to myself? To anyone?"

John put an arm around her shoulders. "You've always been a survivor, Pip. If you'd tried to save her, you would have died, too, and so would D'argo and I. And Jool." He brushed a tear from her cheek. "In case you didn't notice, you saved the day."

"I was scared out of my mind," she hiccupped. "I was willing to leave you, I didn't want D'argo to leave me,I-"

"Got into a situation you couldn't kiss, kick or cry your way out of. The important. thing is that you did it. You kept your head, got the parts we needed, fixed the ship and saved D'argo from a fate worse than death. Not bad for a secondhand Chiana, huh?" He gave her a little squeeze.

Chiana smiled. "I did all that?"

"Yeah, that was you," John said. Whatever else he was planning to say was lost when Moya suddenly moved, causing Chiana to be thrown into his arms.

"Pilot, what *was* that?" John asked.

"It's not serious, Commander- it was just Moya shifting position. Talyn made a sudden movement and Moya needed to adjust to keep the nutrient tubes from disconnecting.

Chiana lay across his lap, her arms around his neck, his arms around her. John did not notice that she didn't seem displeased to be there - he just unwrapped her arms and set her down carefully.

"Does that mean he's waking up? regaining consciousness?" John asked.

"I'm afraid not," Pilot replied. John moved to the window where he could see that Talyn was listing in a way uncomfortably reminiscent of a sinking ship or a dying fish.

[ShipsCat]

"Aeryn?" John said into his comm. "You okay? Pilot said that was-"

"I know, John, and I'm fine. And I don't know why Talyn is listing like that- I don't know if he's decompressing on one side or if it has to do with the gravity bladders or what."

John Smith realized that from the rapid fire answers that he must have commed Aeryn second.

"I have to go, John. Crais had some kind of seizure when that happened."



John Smith left Command and went towards Aeryn's quarters, wondering why it was that she had to put Crais in the room next to hers and couldn't just leave him in the infirmary. When he got there, the sight of Aeryn sitting at Crais's bedside, putting a cold compress on his forehead, was too much for him. He left before she saw him.

"He isn't near death, Aeryn. I would know that," Stark said. "It's too bad we don't have Zhaan here. She might be able to reach him, and through him, Talyn."

"It does no good to cry over what we cannot have," Aeryn said sharply. "I'm sorry," she sighed a moment later. She looked down to see Crais's eyes open, staring fixedly at her with a look of shock on his face. For a microt she thought he was dead.

"Aeryn..you're alive.." he whispered. He sat up surprisingly quickly and engulfed her in a bear hug, squeezing her so hard even in his weakened state that her eyes bulged out. She looked at Stark for help, not knowing what to do but he just shrugged. She shoved Crais back onto the bed, not ungently.

"Zhaan saved me. She-. that's not important right now. What happened to Talyn? And you?" she asked as an afterthought.

"It was a trap," he rasped. "You can't be alive. I saw you die. I saw your dead body. I'm dead, aren't I?"

He looked up at Stark, who was looming over him. "Yes. I've definitely gone over to the other side," he said, and laid back and closed his eyes.

"Frell," Aeryn said. "He's out again."

"How interesting," Stark said clinically. "A Peacekeeper who believes in an afterlife."

"He was raised in a colony," Aeryn said dismissively.



John Smith found his counterpart working on the Farscape module.

"Care to get your hands off my module?"

"Your module?" John Doe said. "I have just as much...I'm just replacing the hetch drive," he paused for a moment. "And wondering if I shot you, would it be suicide or murder? Are you thinking the same thing?"

Not willing to admit that he was, John Smith said, "No. Just wondering if those pants look that tight on me."

John Doe stood up from where he was bent over the engine and attempted to look at the back of his pants. "Turn around," he told the other John. When he obliged, he said, "Those are really tight. Hoo boy, they do show off what Mama Crichton used to diaper, don't they?"

"I wonder why no one told us they were so..revealing," John Smith said.

"I don't know." John Doe said. "How about we agree to only work on the module together? We can probably get a lot done that way."

"That's fine for the module but I don't think that plan will work when it comes to Aeryn," the other one said dryly.

"No. I don't think she would go for that."

"I wouldn't go for that."

"Neither would I."

"Have you noticed that she's avoiding us?" John Smith said.

"Have you considered that we're driving her away?" John Doe said.

"We have to find a real solution to this problem."

"Are you volunteering to take a long walk off a short pier?"

"No. Are you?"

"No. What ever value my life has, it's mine, and I want to hang on to it."

"Ditto."

John Doe left the hangar and went to find something to eat. Along the way he encountered Chiana, whose face brightened when she saw him.

"Oh, John," she said cheerfully, "About what we were talking-" she stopped and looked at his name tag. "Oops, you're the wrong one," she said, and bounced along her way.

"The wrong one?" he said after her.


John Smith was sitting in the mysterious new ship casually playing with buttons. His mind was only half on what he was doing because the other half was watching TV with Harvey. Endless Double mint gum and Toni commercials were playing.

"I'm getting frelling tired of this," John remarked.

"You're a spoiled only son," the image of Scorpius said, "not used to sharing the spotlight with someone else. Why does it matter which twin has which perm?"

"Are you saying I should do something about it?"

"No, I think you just did, though. I know you are harboring violent thoughts towards your twin." Harvey got off the couch and got another beer out of the fridge. "But let's be positive. Do you realize that you now have the opportunity to let someone else be the hero? You can be irresponsible. Have some fun. You can start with the little Nebari girl. I know she's not the Sebacean, but she has possibilities.."

John glared at him and popped open the second beer."When I went to Boy Scout Camp, I took along a cache of candy bars. I thought that I would get tired of my favorite, so I took some others for variety. Sure enough, I ate my favorites first and spent the rest of the time wishing I had packed more of what I wanted."

"But you ate them just the same."

"I don't think it would be fair to Chiana if she were the Almond Joy when what I really wanted was a Hersheys."

"With what you know about women it's not surprising that you're sitting on the couch with me," Harvey said.

"What's that supposed to mean?" John looked over at his imaginary friend. "Do you think the other one is having the same conversation with another one of you?"

He shrugged. "It stands to reason."

"John?" a voice broke his reverie. Chiana clambered into the ship and sat down next to him. "What are you doing," she asked, getting closer.

"D'argo and I think that we might have figured out how to fly this thing. Of course, we have to get up the nerve to test fly it."

"Hmm.." she said. "You know, I've been thinking about what we were talking about earlier, and I still feel bad. Very bad," she amended, looking up at him with her dark eyes big and sad. . "I think..maybe I wanted the other twin to die- because I didn't want there to be another me." She leaned against him for sympathy.

"From where I'm sitting, that seems very reasonable, Pip," John sighed.

"John, if one of you- if *you*- were to leave Moya, would you take me with you?"

"Chiana, if I were to leave Moya, it would be to go home. And I'm afraid that it is even less likely that i could take a white-skinned leather clad nebari than I could a - than Aeryn. No. I'm sorry. Why would you want to leave Moya anyway?"

"Well, you know D'argo and I aren't together anymore and I'm up for a little adventure..," she purred, rolling her shoulders and leaning towards him.

John continued to look at her seriously.

"I..really frelled things up with D'argo. It's painful to be around him," came out in a rush. "And there's nothing here for me on Moya anymore... I miss Zhaan," she said heartbrokenly.

He put an arm around her and pulled her in. "I know. I miss her too."



Aeryn was sitting in the kitchen staring into space when one of the Crichtons came in.

"John ..Deer, is it?"

"I like the sound of that," he smiled at her. "I should have just named myself John Darling. Can I get you something to eat? You look worried."

"I am. I'm afraid we're going to lose Talyn. I want to board him and see what I can do, but Pilot says it wouldn't help."

"I'm sorry. What about Crais?"

"He woke up, briefly. No new information there," Aeryn's face was tired and drawn.

Aeryn watched him as he rummaged around the kitchen. "Peanut butter- God, I miss peanut butter- its just the thing for crackers," she heard him mutter to himself. She hoped it was to himself, anyway.

She found it easy to pretend to herself that it was just another day on Moya as he found something and brought it over to her. She didn't even look at what it was.

"Thank you," she said.

John Doe sat down beside her. "I don't like feeling so distant from you, Aeryn. I want you to know that my feelings haven't changed even if circumstances have."

She looked at him sadly. "I don't know what to do," she whispered.

He reached out and touched her cheek. "I miss you. Don't you miss me?" he asked gently.

She nodded. He leaned forward and kissed her, softly and sweetly. It was an inquiring kiss, as if they had never kissed before. Aeryn was surprised to find that he felt the same, tasted the same. The same jolt of electricity ran through her body that she felt every time he touched her.

She felt rather than saw when someone else came into the room. She looked up to see John standing there, hurt written all over his expressive face. She felt her cheeks burning as she pulled back and away from the man she loved.


"I'm sorry," Aeryn addressed the Crichton that had just entered the room. "I wasn't thinking."

John Smith paid no attention to her words or her flushed and embarrassed face. He was fixated on the other John, a look of cold fury on his features. With the same excess of temper with which he had once thrown an egg at D.K., he threw himself at his rival, only to crash into Aeryn, who had juxtaposed herself between them. The force of his charge brought the three of them to the floor with Aeryn sandwiched between the two. Earth epithets were flying almost in stereo. Aeryn shoved John Smith off of her and got to her feet, with John Doe assisting her. He attempted to grab her around the waist and move her aside.

"Get out of the way, Aeryn," John Doe said grimly.

"NO!" she said, putting her arms wide and making a barrier between them. "STOP. NOW. Or I will pantak jab both of you." she glared at each of them in turn.

"You...Jerk!" John Smith said. "How could you?"

"Betray you? I don't even like you. Everything you touch turns to dren." John Doe said bitterly.

"I am you, you idiot. You're the one who keeps frelling up. Who got us twinned in the first place? Who got Zhaan killed? Skewered Moya? Whose name are those nurses calling?"

"Yours, and you're the one who-"

"STOP IT!" Aeryn shouted. she put her arms down and headed to the door. "I've changed my mind. I hope you frelling kill each other!"

"You can't say anything worse to me than I've said to myself," a Crichton said.

"I can try," the other one said.

Aeryn turned around at the door. Taking a deep breath first, she addressed them as one. "John, you'd better use some of that much vaunted human compassion on yourself," and left them glaring at each other.

[ShipsCat]

Aeryn returned to the dining area an arn later, having remembered that she had forgotten to eat. She had not heard from either John during that time. There was no blood on the floor, and someone, maybe the DRDs, had cleaned up the remains of her meal. D'argo was sitting and enjoying some food.

"Have you seen..them?" Aeryn asked disdainfully.

"The Booby twins?" D'argo asked.

"What?" Aeryn said.

"Well, that's what John called them- him- the two of them," he said cheerfully. "No,I haven't seen either one of them."

"Maybe I should have locked them in different cells," Aeryn said fitfully.

She looked at D'argo, who was calmly enjoying his meal.

"Why doesn't this bother you? It's an absolutely untenable situation."

"Well," D'argo mumbled, his mouth full, "I don't see anything wrong with having two friends John. It's nothing but a good thing for me. Now you, you can only give your heart to one Crichton."

Aeryn looked at him sideways but said nothing. After thinking for a microt, she said, "Peacekeepers don't have life mates. I don't know anything about fidelity- I just know-"

"That it's what you want," D'argo finished for her. "It doesn't surprise me. You are the most loyal person I know," he smiled at her. "Now what we need to do is get that twinning machine and make another Aeryn Sun. I think two friends Aeryn would be a good thing."

Aeryn graced him with a rare smile.

"No," Rygel said as he floated in. "That's the wrong solution. It's obvious what should be done. We should put one Crichton in the cryochamber and save him in case the first one gets broken."

"You mean for spare parts," Aeryn said, horrified. "Like what they were planning to do with me."

"No. So we'll have a whole spare Crichton. He's always getting himself mind frelled or throwing himself in front of a frag cannon or something. And as for your personal problems, my dear, you can never have too much of a good thing. That's why Dominars have several wives. And several stomachs. And if you can't eat everything, you put it in the refrigeration unit and save it for later." Rygel was beaming at his own sagacity.

Chiana came up behind him and cuffed him on the back of the head with the hand that wasn't carrying food. "I seem to remember a Hynerian that complained bitterly about being frozen."

Jool followed Chiana in. "You know, I'm actually pretty good in the kitchen," she whined.

"You got hair in the soup," Chiana said, and deposited the plate on the table and left.

"Over time, as the two Crichtons' experiences differ, they should form different personalities. Or they might deliberately pick and choose who gets what attribute," Jool said.

Aeryn glared at her, wondering if she was implying something. "What attributes?"

"I don't know, that's just what my psych prof would have said." Jool shrugged.

"Hmm Hmm," Aeryn said. "After you eat, I want you to spell Stark and watch over Crais."

Jool opened her mouth.

"Don't whine, just do it. You need to make yourself useful-" Aeryn was interrupted when Moya made another abrupt lurch, sending Aeryn's meal crashing to the ground for the second time that day.

"FRELL!"



"What's happening, Pilot?" Aeryn asked urgently as she hurried to Command.

"Actually, Officer Sun, it's good news. Talyn is regaining consciousness. Unfortunately, Moya says he is in much distress and that his transmissions to her aren't very coherent."

"Thank you, Pilot." Aeryn could see that Talyn was still making agitated movements. She could also see that John, or one of them, was already in Command watching Talyn.

"Where's the other one?" she asked. "Or are you the only one left?"

"Maintenance bay. He's fine. We remembered the cats of Kilkenney on time."

Aeryn looked at him long enough to read his name tag, then looked away and presented him with an unfriendly profile.

"I'm sorry, Aeryn, I was just..jealous."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Talyn is in much pain from his wounds. All Moya can understand from his communications is that he's in pain."

"So, it's just the equivalent of, "Mommy, it hurts?" John Smith said.

"The equivalent of?" Pilot asked.

"This man..Crais..is thrashing around and yelling," Jool's voice came over the com. "What do I do?"

"Try to keep him quiet..and whatever you do, don't scream!" Aeryn ordered her.

"Pilot, can you tell us..*where* it hurts?" John asked.

"Yes. We think that the problem is a deep wound on the port side that reaches into a nerve rich area."

"Can we get to it from the inside of the ship?" John asked.

"No. It doesn't breach Talyn's hull completely. I can make you a hologram of what we've detected with Moya's sensors."

John Smith didn't hear the last part. He was distracted by the sight of the reddish energy flickers that started transversing Talyn's hull, signifying impending Starburst. Within a scant microt, the starburst attempt aborted.

He let out a huge sigh, and caught Aeryn's arm as she ran past him.

"What are you going-"

"I'm going to get the transponder," she said, attempting to pull away.

"Oh, No," he said emphatically. "You are not putting that thing in your neck. Besides," he said more gently, "you don't know that you might not make things worse."

Aeryn nodded, remembering that Talyn had started to shut down completely after Rygel had removed the transponder from Crais when they had first found the wounded pair.

"I have an idea. Stark," John said into his comm, "do we still have any of the anesthetic we got from the diagnosan? The stuff we used on Moya's burns?"

"Yes. We still have an entire canister of dannlandium in the burned areas."

"Can we put it through the nutrient tubes?"

"No," Stark said, sounding puzzled. "If we could do that, we could have put it directly into Moya's bloodstream."

"Get it to a transport pod, fast."

John Doe's voice came over the comm next. "We couldn't put it down the nutrient tubes anyway. D'argo's out there disconnecting them and the tow line."

John Smith turned to Aeryn. "I'm sorry Aeryn- we can't risk being stuck halfway through Starburst if Talyn makes another attempt. You know how dangerous that can be."

"So what are you planning to do? Apply the anesthetic from the outside?" she said, realizing that that was exactly what he was planning to do.

"No, I am," the other John's voice said. "I'm way ahead of you, bro- I'm already in the transport pod."

"I said I would do it," John Smith said angrily.

"Let's not get into another pissing match, okay? I was here first," the other Crichton said calmly.


John Doe was ready to leave the microt Stark brought him the anesthetic. He listened as Stark explained how simple it was to spray, and then asked, "Are you sure this will work in a vacuum?"

"It sticks to surfaces well..besides, it says it does on the container. Do you want me to go with you?"

"No, I want you to stay here and keep an eye on D'argo. When he goes outside he tends to get lost on his way back to the ship."

"Good luck."



John Smith and Aeryn watched as the transport pod made a couple of passes before landing on Talyn. The gunship's agitated movement made it difficult to attempt a landing, but the transport pod finally landed a small distance away from the crevice that marred Talyn's surface. John Doe walked gingerly across Talyn's skin and looked down at the wound. "It's a lot deeper than it looks," he said to the people watching on Moya. He unstrapped the canister from his back and pointed the nozzle into the opening. Just as he started to apply the first layer, Aeryn's alarmed voice came over the communications system

"John! Look behind you," she said urgently. He looked back to see a terrifying sight- he was peering practically down the barrel of the sonic ascendancy cannon, which had risen up behind him and was pointed directly at him. He flattened himself to the the surface as it turned slightly to the right and disintegrated the transport pod.

"Oh, crap. Aeryn, talk to this kid!" John Doe yelled. "I'm only trying to help!"

"I'm trying, John! I don't think he can hear me, right now."

"Well, that's a repair job wasted," John Smith observed as he watched minute pieces of transport pod fly out into space.

"He's going to get himself killed," Aeryn said as they watched John Doe struggle to get to his feet enough to continue applying the Dannlandium.

"Let him," John Smith said under his breath. For a microt he could see the solution to the problem of his twin as he imagined him floating into space. It wasn't like he was supposed to be there in the first place- it would just be correcting a cosmic mistake, a stupid practical joke played on him by some cruel God. Then he saw the horrified look on Aeryn's face.

"I have to go get him," she said, turning to leave.

"I'll do it. You need to stay here and and maneuver Moya out of the way if Talyn shoots at her or tries to Starburst."

She looked at him skeptically.

"I promise, Aeryn. I'll bring him back. I know if it were me it would- oh, frell, it is me."

"Be careful."



John Doe finished another application of the diagnosan's mix, hoping that it worked as well on Talyn's wounds as it did Moya's burns. It didn't seem to be calming the leviathan yet- if anything his movement was more agitated. John would have described it as writhing in pain, if the Leviathan were capable of writhing. But maybe it hurt initially, he thought, like iodine. He kept himself low and hung on tight to Talyn, trying not to be dislodged. he knew if he were there would be nothing between him and the vastness of space- the line anchoring him to the transport pod was severed when the pod was destroyed. He had little choice but to wait for a rescue- a rescue that in his heart he wasn't sure was coming. It wasn't like there wouldn't be another one if he were gone. But on the other hand, maybe he could anchor the end of the line to something on Talyn, or maybe there was some kind of entry into the ship from where he was. He started to cautiously look around.

Looking towards Moya he saw D'argo, attached to Moya and floating towards him. He noticed that the nutrient tubes had been detached and that D'argo was at the end of his line. When D'argo got to the end without reaching Talyn, he started to unhook himself.

"D'argo!," John Doe yelled over the comm. "Don't do that, we'll both need to be picked up."

"I can't leave you out here, John."

"Well, go back in and get a frelling ship!" John said.

D'argo started moving slowly backwards, as if someone were pulling him in, like a fish on a line. John Doe breathed a sigh of relief.




Chiana came into Command where Aeryn was anxiously watching the proceedings.

"How much dren are we in?" she asked, noting that Moya's manual controls were out and ready to be used.

"John's out there trying to sedate Talyn. He's hysterical and taking shots at anything that comes close."

"Which John?"

"Um..I don't think I remember."

"You don't remember?"

Aeryn looked at her irritatedly. "No. I don't. Does it matter?"

"Where's D'argo?"

"He disconnected the tubing connecting us to Talyn. Stark just brought him in so we can take evasive maneuvers if we have to."

They both watched as the last remaining transport pod flew to Talyn. It made a wide path going around the other side of Talyn instead of going directly from Moya to Talyn.

"Why is he doing that?"

"He's trying to keep Moya out of the line of fire."

Talyn's cannon followed the pod's movement as John Smith came closer.


Jool held the strange man in her arms as he thrashed around wildly, trying to calm him and hoping she wasn't going to get hurt. Suddenly he stopped moving. She looked down at him where his head was pillowed on her ample bosom and saw that his eyes were open. He had pretty eyes, she thought, for a Peacekeeper.

He pulled away from her and started talking, making comforting sounds and explaining something. It took her a microt to realize that he was not talking to her, but to the ship that they had brought with them. She wasn't sure if the words were being relayed through a comm system, or if they were just an outer expression of a direct mind link.

"No,Talyn, Don't!" Crais cried.

[ShipsCat]

The cannon missed John Smith as he took evasive action, flying under Talyn for a few microts before landing as close as he could to the Crichton clinging to the spaceship.

"That was slicker than snot," Aeryn observed. Her nerves were on edge as she watched John Doe scrambling to get to the pod quickly. "If I had the Prowler I could grab him from space."

"The Prowler's gone, Aeryn," Chiana said shortly.

Talyn had the transport pod in his sights again by the time John doe had reached it.

"Great," Chiana said. "Now they're both going to be crispy Krallac."

As silently and quickly as it had arisen, the cannon disappeared, leaving Talyn with a smooth profile again. The transport pod took off quickly, the crew mates watching all breathed sighs of relief.

"You know, for a microt I thought he was going to take off again without him," Aeryn said. "I don't understand it. John can get along with the strangest forms of life and find something to connect to, but he can't stand himself."

"It's you, Aeryn. John could probably figure out a way to share any aspect of his life with his other self, but not you." Chiana said bluntly.


"I don't have that kind of..power over him," Aeryn said, returning the manual controls to their dormant position.

Chiana looked off into space for a microt. "The worst thing about what I did to D'argo..is that I ruined his chance to have a relationship with his son."

"They don't need to have a relationship. They just need to not *kill* each other," Aeryn said exasperatedly.

"Well, they will, if you don't get out of the middle," Chiana said, and left, leaving Aeryn looking after her thoughtfully.



Crais absentmindedly brushed long hairs off of his skivvies while he continued talking to Talyn. When he was finished, he turned to Jool and said, "Who the hezmana are you?" He just blinked when she gave him her name in all of its horrible syllabicity.

"I was in a cryochamber- I think they kidnapped me for spare parts. The others, they sort of-rescued me."

"That could explain why Aeryn Sun is still alive." Abruptly he leaned forward and touched Jool's comm badge. "Aeryn? Is everything all right?"

"It's fine now, thank you, Crais. How is Talyn?"

"He thought we were still under attack, but he's calmer now, and the pain has lessened."

"Good," Aeryn said.

"He doesn't have enough forehead," Jool thought critically. She preferred men with very high square foreheads. But his hair was nice. Crais asked if she could tell him what had been going on and she tried, in a Jool-centered mystified way to tell him what had occurred since she had woken up when she realized his eyes were glazing over.

"I'm boring you."

"No," he said, shaking his head and trying to clear it. "I just suddenly feel *really* good. I don't know why...I think maybe it's you," he said, and put his arms around her waist. He laid his head back down in the place it had been when he came to. Jool froze, and then decided, "What the hezmana," and put her arms back around him. He snuggled down some more and said placidly, "That collar doesn't look very good on you. And it isn't very comfortable." He brushed his head against it.

"It is a badge of aristocracy in my culture," she said, offended. As he kept trying to snuggle into her neck she decided, "what the hezmana," again and took the collar off.


John Doe got up from the floor of the transport pod where he had landed and took the helmet of his spacesuit off.

"Thanks, man..I can't say I would have done the same for you."

The John at the controls said, "Sure you would..only not as well."

"So says the guy doing the easy part. But I'm serious- it would have solved all of your problems if I died out there."

"You wouldn't say that if you'd seen Aeryn's face. I couldn't let her watch you..me..one of us die, and you wouldn't have either. Because you are me, and you would have done the same thing."

"No free will? You believe in fate? Destiny?"

"What does free will matter if we both make the same choices?"

"Don't you think that one of us could make a different choice than the other? One of us could go right when the other went left?"

"Maybe. If chance or fate takes a hand."




Pilot soon reported that Talyn wasn't feeling any pain. He wasn't feeling much of anything else, either. Luckily, the intoxicated little gunship seemed quite happy to stay by his mother's side.

After the crisis was over, Aeryn finally got something to eat and isolated herself, staying well away from the two Johns. John Doe and John Smith stayed in close proximity so that they could keep an eye on each other. Aeryn didn't see them again until she accidentally ran into them in a corridor, late into Moya's evening.

They were walking along, side by side, having an incomprehensible conversation.

"Do you remember when Dad..?" John Smith asked.

John Doe laughed uproariously. "Do you remember?"

John Smith snickered. "How about when?"

John Doe chuckled, and then spotted Aeryn. "Care to join us in a drink, Aeryn?"

"Not really. It looks like you started without me, anyway," she said, looking pointedly at the flasks they were both carrying.

"Just a little male bonding. Are you sure you don't want to join us?"

"You look like you're doing just fine without me," she said, and continued down the corridor.

"Hey, Aeryn!" John Smith called. "When we were shopping for these," he said, smacking his derriere, "why didn't you tell me they were too tight?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," she said very innocently, opening her eyes wide and looking guileless.

She watched as they walked off together, singing a Beach Boys song in perfect harmony with the same misremembered lyrics.

So hoist up the John B's sail
See how the mainsail sets
Call for the Captain ashore
Let me go home
Why don't they let me go home
This is the worst trip I've ever been on

The next morning, John Doe was coming out of Crais's makeshift hospital room when he ran into Rygel.

"You have to stop this," Rygel said in a snit. "With the two of you acting like tadpoles, who else is going to run things around here? I could, but no one ever listens to me-e."

"Stop what, Rygel?" John Doe said as Rygel disappeared around the corner. 'It probably wasn't important,' he thought. Just something he'd been discussing with the other Crichton.

John Smith appeared shortly. "What are you doing? I was just going to talk to Crais."

"Done."

"And.."

"Scorpius is still alive. And you need a shave."

"Why am I not surprised? And you had the razor."

"You can use it. I was just heading down to the ship to-"

"Done."

"Shall we get on with it then?"


Aeryn entered Command with Crais following her and Jool trailing him. For some reason the first thing she noticed was the chess set on the floor with chess pieces rolling around in ever tighter circles. The second thing she noticed was the two men standing on the strategy table, pointing fingers at each other and yelling.

They both climbed down with sheepish looks on their faces when they saw Aeryn.

"We shouldn't have tried chess. There's no element of chance in it," one of them said.

"It's an exercise in futility, like tic-tac-toe." the other one said.

There was a loud squeal from Jool. Aeryn turned around to see her faltering under Crais, bearing most of his weight. He was deathly pale. Aeryn grabbed him under his other arm and helped Jool get him to a seat.

"I'm still being affected by that sedative, aren't I?" he said plaintively. "Tell me there aren't two of them."

"Yes. There are two of them," Aeryn said. "You aren't imagining it. Anyway, that sedative couldn't have affected you. You don't have a direct physical link to Talyn like Pilot does to Moya."

"If something affects Talyn's mind, it does the same to mine. It most certainly affected my behavior," he said, casting an almost guilty look at Jool. He looked even more unnerved when she gave him a flirtatious smile. Her hair was a glorious shade of buttercup yellow today- Aeryn briefly wondered what that signified.

"No one told me. I had no idea. How did this happen?"

Crais's questions went unanswered as Aeryn addressed the two Crichtons.

"I've made a decision," she said. "In the interest of harmony for the crew, I'm leaving with Crais. For a little while, anyway, until Talyn is better and until.." she didn't finish, not knowing what to say next.

The two Crichtons glanced at each other. "You don't have to, Aeryn," one of them said gently.

"Yes, I do," Aeryn said, her composure faltering. "There are two many Crichtons on this boat. I can't make a choice between you. I just can't see you as two different people. You are both the man I- you are both John Crichton."

"You've made the right decision, Aeryn," Crais said even as Jool's hair started turning orange, "and I intend to make sure-"

"SHUT UP, Crais," John and John and Aeryn said simultaneously.

One of the Crichton"s took a coin out of his pocket. "Heads," they both declared simultaneously.

"Tails," sighed the Crichton that didn't have the coin. They both watched avidly as the coin flew through the air. After it was caught and looked at, the John with the coin came closer to Aeryn.

"Did you ever feel that you needed to sit down and have a long talk with yourself?" he asked. Aeryn shook her head. "Well, I did, last night. And we came to a couple of decisions."

"That neither one of us could have everything we wanted."

"And that we both couldn't have the same thing," the John facing her finished. "So, I am leaving Moya. I'm taking all the information about wormholes and trying to find earth."

"It's what's best for Moya and what's best for earth, you, dad, my family."

"They need to know what's out there. Earth needs to be prepared."

"But you can't." Aeryn said. "It's too dangerous to go it alone. And the Farscape can't support life. How are you going to-"

"I'm taking the new ship. And supplies, and money, and-"

"I don't want you to go," Aeryn said "Don't leave because of me."

"It will be all right," John said. She noticed belatedly that he wasn't wearing a name tag. "I love you. I will never forget you, I promise." He leaned forward and kissed her delicately. Her eyes were bright with unshed tears.

She felt a familiar hand on her back as she watched him turn to go. "John," she said suddenly. "I'm happy for you. I'm glad that you won," she continued bravely. "I know how much you wanted to go home."

"You don't understand," he said and now she could see that there were tears in his eyes. "I'm the one that lost."

She watched until he left the room and then she said, "Crichton?" in a trembling voice. A pair of strong arms came around her from behind and held her comfortingly. "It's me. I'm here. I'm right here, and I'm never going to leave you."

[ShipsCat]

Many cycles later, Aeryn was waiting for John to return to Moya when Pilot received a distress call from him. She hurried to the docking bay to find him stumbling out of a strange ship. The craft didn't even receive a second glance as she rushed forward to help him, horrified by his condition.His clothes were torn and bloody. Most alarming was the thin trickle of blood coming out of his mouth. Nevertheless, he had an earsplitting grin on his face when he saw her.

"Aeryn," he said, then almost collapsed in a fit of coughing. She put an arm under his and half-carried him to the infirmary, irritated that she was having a harder time bearing up under his weight than she normally would.

Jool, quite sensibly clad in a lab coat type garment, was waiting for her when she got there. She helped Aeryn get him on to the examining table, where he promptly gave up and lost consciousness. Working in concert, they stripped him of his shirt. Jool started running the scanner while Aeryn sponged the blood off his body.

"I'm sorry, Aeryn. This doesn't look good," Jool said.

"No, it doesn't," Aeryn agreed. She didn't like the mangled look of his left arm and shoulder. She stared at John for a second, trying to make sense of what she was looking at. A jolt ran through her body as realization came to her. She was looking at old scars.

"I don't believe it," Aeryn said, in shock. "This is not John."

Jool just stared at her, wondering if Aeryn had lost her mind.

"It's not *my* John."


The long lost Crichton was starting to moan and stir when Aeryn heard a blessedly familiar and cheerful voice.

"Hi, honey, I'm ho-ome."

"John? Are you all right? Is D'argo with you?"

"Everything's fine, babe. What's going on?"

"Come to the infirmary. We have a..situation." Aeryn breathed a sigh of relief. It was so hard to believe that the man in front of her was not the one she had been living with for the last few cycles..

John had a similarly stunned expression when he saw the man on the table.

"Lucy, you have some 'splaining to do," he told her.

"I have no idea why or how he got here," she said.

"Damn. Does this mean he never made it to earth?"

"I don't know," she shrugged helplessly. The Crichton on the table struggled to raise his head. She laid a gentle hand on his forehead and pushed it back down.

He gasped out a few words. "Letters..pictures..in the module..from home. Chocolate.'

"I think I'll go check it out. Aeryn?"

Aeryn shook her head, her lower lip stuck out, daring him to make something of the fact that she had no intention of leaving the other Crichton's bedside.

John looked at her for a moment, then drew up a chair. "You should stay off your feet," he said solicitously.

"There's nothing I can do for him," Jool said quietly, after Aeryn's John left.. "Unless we could replace several major organs, there's no way he's going to make it."

As Aeryn scowled at her, she amended herself. "Maybe that wasn't the best way to put it. I'm going to call Stark."

"Stark?"

"He's in a lot of pain."

Aeryn looked down a the wounded Crichton and nodded.

"Stark's still on Moya?" he asked. "And Jool?"

"She had no place to go. It turns out that the virus started on her home world."

"What's been going on? What's happened since I've been gone?"

"Well," Aeryn started, relieved to have something to talk about, "We reinstated Rygel as Dominar. I wasn't sure it was the right thing to do, but it turns out that he is a much better ruler than his predecessors," she said with a small smile, "and Chiana- the Nebari resistance was successful in-"

"No," he gasped out. "You. I want to hear about you. How is your life? Are you happy?" He reached out and held onto her hand.

"Life is dangerous, John, and sometimes.." she thought for a moment. "Happy? Yes..even when things are bad, I am happy."

"Good." He leaned back a little and closed his eyes. "You know, I only left because I couldn't stand to see you torn apart. My sisters used to grab my mom, one by each arm, and try to tear her in half- but they were just playing."

"Didn't you find someone on earth?" Aeryn asked, as if she expected that that would be exactly what he had done.

"You still don't get it, do you?" he said, with his eyes still closed. "There's no one like you on earth. There's no one else for me."

Aeryn was spared having to reply by Stark's entrance.


The injured John managed a greeting and a few words for his old friend. It didn't take long for Stark to work his magic, and he was soon resting more comfortably, with the detached calm of someone who was not long for this world.

"Better?" Aeryn asked, smoothing his hair back from his face.

"Now that I've seen you again. I'm glad I got to go home, but there were so many places I wanted to show you and people I wanted you to meet and no one told me how hard it is to live in Kansas when you've been to Oz."

"John, I-" Aeryn stopped, not knowing what to say. "I need to talk to Stark for a microt."

His eyes followed her as she got up and spoke to Stark very quietly and then rather clumsily resumed her seat. She was obviously fighting back tears.

"Things have been going well between you and him..the other me, haven't they?" he asked, smiling gently.

"Well," she shrugged, "it hasn't been easy. And-" She stopped again. There was no reason for him to know about *that*. "It's been a lot easier since you left. I haven't been afraid that you- he- would disappear the next time a wormhole comes along."

"You don't need to worry, Aeryn," he said. surprised that she would talk so openly about her fears. "When are you due?" he asked very gently. She stared at him silently. "You are..with child, aren't you?"

She nodded, still silent.

"Is it your first?"

"First?" she said incredulously. "You make it sound like I'm going to have a dozen. Yes, it is. And, it's going to be a couple of monens yet."

He looked away. "Another child I'm never going to see. Is it a girl or a boy?"

"We weren't going to tell anyone until- it's a girl. Are you sure you want to talk about this?" she said, her eyes full of compassion.

"Yes. I want to know everything. It's my baby, too, isn't it? At least genetically?"

Aeryn picked up his hand and laid it on her protruding abdomen. He was surprised to feel that there was a lot more baby under the loose jacket she was wearing than he thought there was.

"How do you feel about it? Having a baby?"

"I was terrified. But I'm okay now," she said with a smile that made okay sound like one step from heaven. "I want her to have an earth name. I suggested to John that we name her after his mother, but he didn't like the idea."

"Mom always hated her name."

"So he's thinking about Miranda."

"Prospero's daughter. That's appropriate."

"Mmm. That's what he said. And we've decided not to give her translator microbes when she's born. John says babies learn whatever language they hear, and she'll learn Luxan and Sebacean and Human and-"

"But Aeryn, that's only important if you want her to learn English."

"I know."

"That's a lot of trust on your part, isn't it? To trust me- him- not to take the baby and run off to earth?"

"I've come to accept the fact that we might go to earth," she said slowly and carefully. "My daughter is from earth. I don't want to deny her her heritage."

He fell silent. Aeryn waited, listening to his breathing grow more shallow with each breath.

Suddenly, the other Crichton burst into the room. "Earth is in trouble, isn't it? That's why you're here?"

"It's all there in the tapes," the John laying on the bed gasped out. "I don't know why the Peacekeepers have an interest in us, I just know I haven't managed to get our technology up to a level that we can fight them yet. We managed the first ships that they sent through, but if they send a command carrier, we're toast. I told dad about you- I don't think he believed me, but he'll have to if you show up all hale and hearty, won't he?"


"I'm not going. You can just get your butt up and forget about dying, I am not leaving Aeryn to save Earth."

"This foul sergeant death- sorry, bro, this time it's your turn."

Aeryn stood up and faced John. "I'll go. I'll go with you."

"I'm not too happy with the idea of my wife and child being dissected," John growled.

"You aren't doing it without me. I've seen what you look like when I'm not around to guard your back." Aeryn stated firmly.

Cycles of experience kept him from pointing out that she wasn't in any shape to guard anyone at the moment.

"I did my best to prepare them..they need help. I don't think they'll care.." the dying Crichton stopped, simply too weak to go on.

Aeryn returned to his bedside.

Of all the strange things that he had experienced and seen since he had come to this side of the wormhole, John Crichton thought there was nothing so bizarre as watching himself die and Aeryn mourning over it. He felt no compassion for his mirror self at first, just a feeling of rage that he had come back and upset the life that he had become comfortable with. He had never lost the feeling of homesickness, but he had been at peace with the decision that fate had handed down. What use was it to be Christopher Columbus if he never told anyone about the new world? He was content knowing that his other self would, and that his family would have him back and not grieve for him. Now, it was the same dilemma all over again, only the stakes were higher.

He heard the man on the table whisper something about being lost, and tell Aeryn he loved her. She leaned over him and whispered something too quiet for the healthy John to hear, then straightened up. "He's gone," she said, with tears in her eyes.

He held out his arms to her and she came into them. He held her while she cried, finally finding some compassion for the other John. After all, it was ungrateful of him not to acknowledge the fact that he owed his present life to him.

"There but for the grace of God.." he said, smoothing Aeryn's hair, "and a coin toss."

After she calmed down, Aeryn turned her face to his. "Tell me," she asked curiously.. "Were you John Smith or John Deer?"

"That depends," he said shakily. "Which one did you like better?"

"I loved them both," she said.

"Then it doesn't matter."