Accidents Happen

[ShipsCat]

Post Bt-and maybe a PG13.

Honorable Mention, 4:22 Resolution Category, 2004 Sparky Awards.


John's mind slowly registered the fact that he was naked, and an equally naked Aeryn was pressed up against him: belly to belly, her arms around him, her mouth pressed against his. This certainly was not an opportunity to let pass by. He tightened his arms around her and pulled her closer, sliding his arm down from the small of her back, where her hair had been draped over it tickling his arm hairs, and cupped one pearly round buttock, attempting to pull her more onto his lap. The attempt failed as Aeryn stiffened, pulling her mouth from his and hissing "We're being watched!"

As the meaning of the words penetrated he jerked his head up from her neck and looked around the room. It was true: they were being watched intently by two bipedal aliens carrying some unknown kind of ray gun and wearing what looked for all the world like white lab coats. They were bipedal but not in the least humanoid- their observation of them had some thing to do with parts of their faces moving around and then moving back again in a rather nauseating fashion. A quick glance at the room was less than reassuring. He and Aeryn seemed to be on a large examining table underneath a huge instrument that greatly resembled a satellite dish. Other objects about the room suggested that they were in an extremely clean, tidy medieval torture chamber, although he supposed that they might be for medical use. He sincerely hoped that none of them were anal probes.

"Oh, that's right," John said, "we've been abducted by aliens. You guys don't look much like Greys."

They had evidently never watched X-files because neither of them reacted. Aeryn buried her face in his shoulder. John had no illusions about her playing the clinging vine-he was sure that she was doing it to hide her intentions. He was right- as soon as the two were close enough, they both struck out simultaneously, Aeryn with an elbow and John with a fist. They went down easily, and a few other blows were given to ensure that they stayed there for a while. John had a little quirk of guilt as he imagined the intricate clockwork of their faces never moving smoothly again.

Approaching the open door carefully on bare and quiet feet, they soon discovered that they were in a tiny facility, with just a few rooms and no other life forms present, except for the small ones in cages and jars. The door to the outside opened up onto a sea of grass, rippling evenly in the slight breeze, unmarred by road or footpath.

"It's clear," Aeyrn said disbelievingly, as she started out the door.

"Uh, Aeryn aren't we forgetting something?" John hinted, staring at her holding the alien's gun and other wise stark naked.

"We need to get out of here before the one with the ship shows up," she said, pointing out the obvious. The craft that had buzzed their boat was nowhere in sight.

"Our clothes? Weapons? Wynona?"

"Wynona!" She rolled her eyes.

"Your ring..?"

"Right," she said. "We need to search the place."

They searched high and low, in every nook and cranny but did not find one leather thread of anything that they had had on them.

Ending up back in the room they had started out from, John thought he saw one of the aliens stir. He poked him a bit with the Buck Rogers type raygun and asked, "What did you do with our stuff?"

"Stuff?" he asked weakly, one eye flopping like a Jack-in-the -box with a broken spring.

"Belongings, possession, junk..the shirt off my back."

"When a specimen is collected for examination, nothing in the surrounding environment comes with it-not a rock, or insect, or piece of grass."

"So it's all still on the boat," John mused, sitting back on his haunches. He glanced over at Aeryn, who was shrugging the lab coat off of the other one, who was still very unconscious.

"What about Moya?" she asked. "Our ship, and our companions? What did you do with them?"

"We asked them to leave. We told them that we had you and they had to go. Your ship was defiling our lake."

"Is that why you collected us?" John asked.

"No, we had to know what pollutions and diseases you might bring us. You had left your ship, and.." he paused and coughed weakly. "You didn't have to hurt me. We weren't going to hurt you."

John wished he had some duct tape to cover his mouth. "You scared us to death, buddy," he said. "We really thought we were dead."

John stood up to find Aeryn covered, almost decently, in the lab coat and the labbie's boots.

"That's a good idea, Aeryn," John said. "Your hair's not long enough for the lady Godiva bit."

"My hair's not long enough?" she said incredulously, and with a little hurt.

"Not enough to cover the naughty bits. It *was* a little distracting.."

With a little smug smile, she opened the coat quickly and then closed it again. John faked a swoon, hand to his forehead.

"Flasher," he accused, with an evil grin. Strangely enough, it must have translated because she laughed.

He turned away-the little byplay was becoming *very* distracting, and he thought it might be best if he got some clothes on as well. The lab coat was ill-fitting, and barely large enough to go across his shoulders. Contrarily, the boots were way too large. He could tell from the way Aeryn walked that she was swimming in hers as well. After gathering together a few supplies, he and Aeryn left the two securely bound and headed for the door. For the first time he heard real terror in the whiney one's voice.

"DON'T GO OUT THERE!!!"

"Why not?" John asked, really wishing he had gagged him. "You have lions and tigers and bears out there? Because we can handle them.."

"I don't know what- No, you just..don't know what you're doing. Don't touch anything!"

[ShipsCat]

"Where to?" John asked, blinking at the bright sunshine.

"The lake," Aeryn said, pointing with her rifle. "It's where we saw Moya last."

"It looks like quite a hike." John could see for miles-the grassy area extended for some way, without any trees to block his view, and the land sloped downward towards the lake. "But it's a nice day for a walk," he said, smiling at Aeryn. The sun was dancing on her hair. Even as dark as her hair was, it was picking out highlights and making it shine. He extended a hand towards her and she shifted her weapon to her other hand, putting her hand in his.

It wasn't until they had left the grasslands and the vegetation was becoming more sparse that he realized that they were leaving no footprints and any grass beneath their feet sprang up immediately behind them. This was great-it wqould be very diffcult for anyone to follow them. He was about to say something to Aeryn when he was distracted by a nightmare induced saguarro cactus. The grasslands had given way to an area that was more like desert, with twisted cacti and strangly contorted brush.

"I suppose it makes sense that the Escher people live in a Dali world," he said. The only thing missing were melting watches.

Aeryn ignored him- she was looking carefully at the weapon she was carrying. John looked down at his-it hadn't occurred to him until now, but there was no trigger mechanism that he could find. With a little grunt of satisfaction, she did something he couldn't see, and a lever slid out of the side of the weapon.

"Hey," he said approvingly. "I thought I was the gadgety one."

"Well, it is a weapon. Military tech," she said smugly, raising it to her shoulder and sighting it in. A microt later, the top of the nightmare cactus had disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"I'm guessing this is *not* what they used to collect us."

"Probably not. Would you like to try it? Here, press here."

John aimed at the ground, thinking they had done enough damage to the cactus. He produced a large smoking hole in the sand with glassy edges.

"Hot damn!" he said, immediately thinking he sounded like a redneck jerk.

"Exactly," Aeryn replied. "I just wanted to see how they worked and what they could do."

"It's a good thing that the guys in the lab didn't know we didn't know how to shoot them."

Aeryn shrugged.

They were getting close to the lake and out of the desert when John started feeling overly warm. He wasn't sure why- the sun wasn't beating down on them and the clothes they had stolen were light weight and barely covered anything. He took a swig from the bottled water they had grabbed and sat down on a nearby boulder.

"Are you too warm, baby?" he asked Aeryn.

"No, I'm fine. We can keep going." They both looked at each other quizzically. John grabbed her hand and held the back of it to his forehead.

"Do I feel warm to you?"

"You always feel warm to me,' she confessed. "How warm is too warm?"

John peered up at her. "Why is it that everything you say always sounds so sexy?"

"That's definitely *too* warm," she said, removing her hand. A tiny smile crept into her worried frown and then disappeared again. "We can find some shelter or shade near the lake. It's not far now."

There were trees that resembled giant nasturtiums on the side of the lake. After exploring a bit, they found a cave carved from rock, with two entrances. It was a good few degrees cooler inside than it was in the sun.

"It looks like a kopje,  an African rock shelter. Except there are no paintings," he said, running his hand over the cool stone. "Actually, it's more like the fake one at the zoo. It's just a little too regular, it doesn't seem real."

"Well, it will do," Aeryn said, sitting on the floor and rummaging through the backpack she had stolen from the mad scientist's lab. "It's hard to believe that the one in the ship didn't come back and see us."

There had been nothing in the sky on their way. No contrails, no birds, not even a cloud.

"I don't think this world is very populated."

Aeryn pulled out a package and ripped it open with her teeth. "I hope they come back eventually. Those two will starve to death if no one comes back and lets them loose."

John nodded and sat down beside her.

"It's food cubes,' she said, pushing some sort of ready to eat meal at him. "Here. Eat. Drink," she commanded.

"Yes Ma'm," he said.

They ate in companionable silence.

"Are you feeling better?"

"Yeah, fine. Whatever it was is gone."

"Do you have any idea how we're going to let Moya know where we are?

"No, not yet. And I think it's getting dark outside," he nodded at the gathering gloom.

"I guess we'll be stuck here for a while," she said with elaborate casualness. She ruined the casual effect by peering at him sideways from under her lashes.

John almost laughed. If she started talking about how there might be wild animals outside..no, best not to go there.

"Wait just a microt," he said, scrambling to his feet and heading outside. He found what he was looking for-the gourds that he had seen lying on the ground under the nasturtium trees. They were hollow and lightweight and made a nice noise when banged together. Satisfied, he headed back to the shelter and made pyramids of gourds at the entrances. Aeryn waited patiently, not even commenting on what he was doing.

"There," he said, brushing his hands off. He waggled his eyebrows at Aeryn and then in one smooth motion he sat down beside her and scooped her into his arms, so that she was lying halfway across his lap. "Alone at last," he growled.

"What should we do?" she asked innocently.

"Mmmm...talk."

She raised one eyebrow at him. "Talk?"

"Sure.." he brushed some stray strands from her face. "What do you want, a boy or a girl?"

"Do I get a choice?"

"No, not really. I was just wondering whether you had a preference. Or-whether you knew. Did they tell you on the Command Carrier?"

"I didn't ask," she shrugged, causing her lab coat to move fetchingly. "I guess I've thought all along it would be a girl. It didn't occur to me to ask."

"Well, it's a fifty-fifty chance it's a boy, you know. At least in humans it is."

She wiggled free a little so that she could reach up a hand to caress his cheek. "Would that make you happy? If it's a boy?"

"A healthy baby and mother would make me happy. I don't care what it is..I just like to talk about it.."

"I'm very happy. I'm happy to have lived another day, and to be able to spend it with you..whatever it brings."

"This is one of the good days," he said softly, caressing her lower lip with his thumb. He kissed her gently-once, twice, the second time his lips barely grazing hers. It wasn't enough for Aeryn. She responded ardently, kissing him deeply and pushing him back so that they were level with each other. A few heated microts later, he paused and drew back. He laid his forehead against hers and said breathlessly "Maybe we should save that for the honeymoon."

He was teasing..but inexplicably, he wanted to slow things down, to savor the moment. Apparently, Aeryn felt the same way because she turned her back towards him and relaxed into him.

"What's a honeymoon?" she asked while he was planting little kisses up and down her neck.

"Well," he said,wrapping his arms securely around her, "after they get married, the bride and groom go off somewhere exotic and beautiful and romantic where..they can be alone together."

"Well, I've never been about to be married before.."

"Never?" he asked wistfully, wanting to make sure.

"Unh-huh." She shook her head.

"So, you've never been engaged before..." he prompted.

"Engaged? Like engaged in combat?" she said, teasingly.

"I hope not."

"And I don't know what the protocol is, but we're alone in an exotic place, so why don't we have the honeymoon first." She picked up the hand laying across her belly and kissed his fingertips slowly, sensually and slid his hand inside her robe, turning in his arms so she could kiss him.

"Ooh, yeah..that, uh, sounds good to me."

   

[ShipsCat]

The next morning, John had the shock of his life. He had stepped outside to relieve himself,standing on the dirt outside the rock shelter, and was very surprised when the grass curdled and turned brown as the stream of urine hit it. He could swear it was letting off smoke.

"Oh, crap," he muttered, "this can't be good. Hey, Aeryn!"

She hurried up to him, adjusting her lab coat. "The grass- I think they did something to us."

"Yeah, I know..same here."

"I feel-strange. Not bad, just different."

"Same here," John repeated absently. He put out a bare toe and touched the grass. It turned yellow on contact. "Well, I can't be sure but I think it's the grass, not us. That's what those boots were for. We can get checked out when we get back to Moya. I am going to be so glad to get off this freaky weird planet."

"Me, too."

Aeryn came up with the idea to grab some of the large white rocks that separated the sandy shore of the lake from the grass with artistic precision, and make some sort of signal. They argued for a bit about symbol to make, but John finally decided that an X would mark the spot just fine. Of course, if Moya was close enough to see it she would be close enough to scan for life forms, but who knew what might be blocking signals. They were making progress on a clumsy sand castle when D'argo showed up in L'ola.

He came out of the ship with a wide grin. "You two look like you've been having fun," he said, observing the two of them playing in the sand with bare feet and nearly bare bodies.

Aeryn blushed and dropped the nasturtium tree twig she had been trying to place in the castle's turret for a flag.

John grabbed him and pounded his back. "Man, I'm happy to see you!"

"I'm happy to see you too," D'argo said, pushing him away. 'But I'll be happier when you get a bath. And some pants."

Rygel greeted them ecstatically when they boarded. "We thought both of you yotzes were dead! They disintegrated you."

"Yeah, Fluffy, we love you, too." John said, grabbing him and giving him a noogie. "What do you mean, disintegrated?"

"We saw you zapped, John, and we all thought you were dead until the people who inhabit this planet contacted us and told us they had you and to get out if we wanted the two of you back safely. We were going to launch a rescue but we couldn't locate any life signs on the planet. They must have some kind of shield."

"Hmm..and a transporter beam. That's pretty cool," John said.

"What are you talking about John? There's nothing like that on Earth," Aeryn said.

"Only in science fiction, darling. We've always speculated that maybe you could change molecules into energy and then back again."

Aeryn looked at him skeptically.

"It left your clothes and a crystalline residue." D'argo informed him.

"I made certain that all of your belongings were safe," Rygel said smartly.

"I'm sure you did, Sparky,' John said, making a mental note to check to make sure that all the diamonds were still in their settings on the engagement ring.

"And congratulations. When's the wedding day?" D'argo beamed.

"Wha-"

"We saw that, too. Didn't you ask Aeryn to marry you?"

"Yes. We're engaged," John said proudly, glancing back to meet Aeryn's eyes.

"And not in combat," Aeryn said smugly, trying to take a seat without making a conspicuous gap in the front of her coat. As she brushed the front of it clean, D'argo said, "Don't get sand all over the floor."

"You're worried about a little sand," Aeryn said scornfully. "On this ship?"

After the round of greetings and congratulations and general relief that they were back safe and sound, John and Aeryn agreed to meet in the medical bay after a shower and change of, or rather, acquisition of, clothing.

John was disappointed when he saw her. She was already wearing her engagement ring again. He had been looking forward to putting it on her again.

"You look great, but I kind of miss the Gilligan's Island look."

"I do, too. Well, on you. So am I Ginger or Maryann?"

"You've been watching TVland. Actually, it was more like Blue Lagoon, which you know, maybe it wouldn't have been so bad if we weren't rescued right away..." he said, closing the gap between them.

"Ahem," Noranti said. "Do you want to do this or not?" she said, indicating the scanner.

Aeryn pulled herself onto the table. "Yes. Could you please look at the baby first?"

"Why would you be worried about the baby?" Chiana asked. She had been lurking in the background, but felt her way towards the front of the room. "Wouldn't it be safe from whatever happened to you?"

"The baby was removed from stasis, Chiana," Aeryn said quietly.

"Congratulations," Chiana said brightly. "That's great. That's..frelling wow."

Noranti made a few passes with the scanner. Perplexed, she made a few more in a circular fashion over Aeryn's midsection. "This is not what's supposed to be," she muttered to herself. "What has happened here?"

John was growing alarmed. He wasn't seeing the close up holographic version of the baby, just a few cells at that point, that he had seen when Noranti had looked at Aeryn after she was rescued from the Scarrens. All the scanner was showing were Aeryn's internal organs.

He looked down at Aeryn's frightened face and clutched her hand tightly. "What's wrong, Noranti?"

"The fetus is not there. I can't find it with the scanner. There's no trace of anything happening to it, it's just gone."

"You aren't doing it right, you old witch!" Chiana said vehemently. "Give me that thing! Oh Frell..if I only I could see," she wailed.

Aeryn sat up on the table. John's shock and dismay took a backseat when he saw Aeryn's face crumble.

"I knew it," she said heartbrokenly. "I could feel something was wrong."

"Oh, baby," he said, taking her face between his hands. A horrible thought hit the pit of his stomach. "You don't think-when you were on the Command Carrier? They could have done something.." he trailed off. At least the idea gave him hope. Maybe the baby was in an incubator somewhere, maybe they could get it back..

Chiana felt her way quicky around the table, hand over hand, until she found Aeryn and put an arm around her. John pulled Aeryn to him as her eyes started filling with tears.

"Crichton, you need to get up on the table now," Noranti said in a strange voice.

"That's not important right now, Noranti."

"Yes, it is," Noranti insisted. When there was no response, she said "John Robert Crichton, up on the table NOW!"

It was the fact that he was still in shock as well as her using his mother's favorite way of getting his attention that caused his compliance. Aeryn slid off the table, Chiana helping to hold her up, and John quickly jumped on, his attention focused on Aeryn, who Chiana was simultaneously comforting and promising to make the puzzle-faced people pay.

"Ah, well, there it is," Noranti said cheerfully. "Just as I suspected. I think I would have known if the child had been lost, after all. Aeryn, don't cry. Come look."

"What are you talking about, Noranti," John barked at her.

Noranti pointed one wizened finger at the holographic image above his body. No longer a six-celled organism, the scanner showed a perfect, tiny fetus, early in its development. Aeryn was staring at the hologram in amazement. She turned and looked down at him and smiled through her tears.

"You, John Crichton, are with child,' Noranti announced grandly.

"Holy frelling God."

Aeryn and John tried to talk at once. "You can fix it, right? The Scarrens were going to transfer the baby to Chiana-

"How the Hell did this happen? This is not possible, I don't have the right parts for this-

and in the background Chiana was laughing.

"I suspect it must have happened when they neutralized you for evaluation. They just- made a little mistake. And no, Aeryn, I can't fix it. I'm not saying that the baby can not be put back where it belongs, but I am not a surgeon. I can't do it." Noranti said, in one of her rare somber moods.

"But the baby's all right?"

"Yes, it's fine-it's in the abdominal cavity and seems to be firmly implanted. It's attached to the abdominal wall. Your female hormone levels are slightly elevated, John, so your body is adapting to the baby but I'd like to give you a hormonal boost to help sustain the pregnancy."

John slid his hand under his pants and gently probed his lower abdomen. He couldn't feel anything different. He sat up slowly on the table.

"Here, take this," Noranti said, pushing something foul smelling in front of him.

"That had better be safe for the baby," Aeryn said sternly.

"It's necessary for the baby, I assure you."

"Well, at least it's not a shot," John said, and smiled weakly. He swallowed the foultasting brew without tasting it. "Half you, half me," he said, "the transporter beam just picked the wrong half. No big deal, accidents like that happened all the time on Star Trek."

"So, it should be no big deal for ya, right?" Chiana said spritely.

"No, it's a big deal. Of all the freaky weird things that ever happened to me out here, this has got to take the cake. This is something I NEVER expected to happen. What am I going to do? I can't..Jesus."

"Well, now you know how *I* felt when I found out I was pregnant," Aeryn said dryly. Evidently regretting her lack of sympathy, she pulled her to him and stroked the back of his neck. "We'll get through this. The important thing is that the baby is all right for now. We'll go to the diagnosan, the one we contacted about Chiana's eyes, and see what they say. Okay?" She pulled back and smiled at him.

He clung to her and drew strength from her presence. "Okay," he replied shakily.

Eventually they left the medical bay and went about their normal day-except, that is, that Aeryn followed John around like a puppy and he was apt to go off into a foggy state and mutter to himself occasionally. She wasn't happy with him being in sight-she was constantly in physical contact with him. This was not a problem for John until he got ready to leave with D'argo to do reconnaissance on the commerce planet the diagnosan lived on.


"But Aeryn, this is what we were planning on doing as soon as we got to the planet..it's no different from any other time we've gone down to a commerce planet."

Of course, it's different. I don't think you should be going in," she bit her lip. "In your condition. You should stay here so that we'll know if anything happens with the baby."

"We're just going to check it out, see if there's any Peacekeeper presence, and find the diagnosan..and I wanted to talk to D'argo-guy stuff."

"D'argo and I can go. It's not safe..for you."

"Aeryn, you wouldn't like it if I treated you like this,' he said "All this time that you were pregnant..the times we were separated." Not to mention the first time, when he had no idea how she was or if she was really pregnant with his child for frelling months, he thought resentfully.

"That was different," she said stonily.

"How? How was that different?" he asked impatiently.

"Because it was my-" she closed her eyes, then opened them again. "Because it was my choice."

"Well, this is mine. You can deal with it or not." He turned his back on her, then relented a bit. "Would you like to come with us?" he asked, but she had already walked away.

   

[ShipsCat]

When he and D'argo reached the dustly little town that the diagnosan's clinic was supposed to be in, John was distracted by the open air market.

"Maybe we should do a little shopping before we go back to Moya," John suggested. "I'd like to find a wedding present for Aeryn."

"Aren't *we* supposed to buy presents for you two?" D'argo asked jovially.

"Doesn't mean Aeryn and I can't get stuff for each other," John said. "Although right now I think some roses would really help our relationship. Maybe some Haagen Daz. Or chakan oil cartridges... Hey, does something smell bad to you?"

D'argo sniffed the air delicately. "No, it smells nice actually. Fresh air, vegetables, flowers..someone's cooking something on an outdoor grill..smells like keedva."

John's gorge rose in his throat as the mixture of smells assaulted his senses more strongly than he had ever smelled anything before. "I have got to get OUT of here," John said, and walked unsteadily away from the market.

He found a space between two buildings and put his arm against the wall, resting his head on it, until the waves of nausea passed.

"Are you all right, John?" D'argo asked from behind him.

"Yeah, it's getting better. Except now I need to take a piss. Again."

"Here?" D'argo asked as John undid his pants.He turned his back on John, not so much for privacy, John realized, as it was guarding his back.

"Are you ill, John? Is that why Aeryn didn't want you to leave Moya?"

John laughed, a short barking comment as he zipped up and turned around. "Didn't Chiana tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

"There was a little accident when the Escheroids neutralized us. They didn't put everything back the way they found it. Aeryn and I's-our baby-is inside of me. I'm not sick, I'm-" he couldn't bring himself to say it. He just couldn't use the word 'pregnant'.

"Well, good," D'argo said nonchalantly. "I thought there was something really *wrong* with you. Imagine if they had misplaced your heart, or lungs. Or worse."

"I don't think that would have happened," John said. "I think this probably had something to do with the shared DNA."

"So it is your child," D'argo said soberly, as John still leaned against the wall for support. "Congratulations."

"It would have been my child regardless," John replied. "As long as Aeryn would have me. But yes, it is my DNA-she had it checked out on Grayza's Command carrier."

"But it's good to know you're going to be a father-the biological father," D'argo suggested.

John smiled, "Yeah. It's great. And it seems at the moment," he said ruefully, "the mother as well."

"We'd better find that diagnosan."

This diagnosan's assistant was a lovely and graceful Delvian with a vague resemblance to Zhaan and a determination to turn them away. Even after they explained that they had two more patients than they had originally talked about, she refused to let them see the diagnosan.

"Come back tomorrow," Pa'uah Parvati said. "And in the meantime, since we are not familiar with either the Nebari or Hoo-man species, you will have to fill out this questionnaire," she added, handing John two vid chips. "It's long, so it will take some of your time and require close attention," she said, smiling.

"But, but-" John said, "I'm- you know, I-"

"I do know. Pregnancy is not a medical emergency, and we have many patients today. The diagnosan will see you tomorrow," she said firmly, and closed the door in their faces.

"Well, I'm not going to use them as my preferred provider," John muttered.

"I could use a drink," D'argo said.



They settled into the rustic small town bar and ordered a couple of raslaks. John thought that it would be a good time to bring up the issue he had been wanting to discuss with D'argo.

"You know if Aeryn agrees, I think we should get hitched pretty soon."

"Hitched?" D'argo said.

"Married. You know, I'm not surprised that it's a shotgun wedding..I am surprised that I'm the one that's in trouble. Anyway, I know last time I asked you to be my best man, but this time I think I won't."

D'argo looked hurt.

"There's an Earth tradition where the Captain of a ship can marry you, provided you're in international waters..I forget how far out that is, but we're a long way out to sea. So I was wondering if you would perform the ceremony and marry us."

"Does this mean Rygel gets to be the best man?"

"No," John grinned. "He's the ringbearer. Maybe 1812 gets to be  the best man..nah. It would have to be Pilot. Only he might want to give the bride away.."

"All right," D'argo said, laying a friendly arm on John's shoulders. "You know that of course I'll marry you."

The barkeep, who looked like a tall thin Ferengi, chose that moment to come up and deposit their drinks. He looked at them uncertainly.

D'argo whisked John's raslak away from him with an admonition. "No, not in your condition."

John looked glum. "Oh, yeah. I forgot."

The bartender beamed at them. "Congratulations. Getting married, and starting a family as well. I'm sorry, I didn't see it at first- you must be Zenetan, right?"

"Yes," D'argo said, pulling John's head onto his shoulder. "Isn't she the most beautiful thing you've ever seen?"

The bartender looked doubtful at that, then cheered up again. "Here, I'll get your beautiful bride something else. These are on the house."

"Kiss me, and Aeryn will beat you up," John said through the fake smile plastered on his face.

"Sorry. Couldn't resist. He's a nice guy, though."

"Definitely *not* a Ferengi."

They arrived back on Moya in time for the evening meal, which suited John because he felt like he was starving to death. Unfortunately, after eating a couple of bites he didn't feel like he could eat anymore, which did not sit well with Aeryn, who had been distant since he arrived back and now was downright snappish.

"Aren't you going to eat that? Chiana made it," Aeryn prodded him.

That might explain the red sprinkles on top, John thought. He wondered if she didn't know that they were cake decorations, or if she had mistaken them for the salt. As much as he wanted to support Pip's strivings for independence despite the obstacles of her blindness, he simply could not force it down.

"I'm sorry Pip," he said. "It's good, I just don't have any appetite."

"S'okay, old man,"she said, with a flip of the head. "I know you're uh- a little indisposed."

"You have to eat," Aeryn said forcefully. "You're eating for two now."

"Yeah," John said. "But one of us is *thiiss* big." He demonstrated a tiny distance between his thumb and forefinger.

"That's not the point," she said, spiking a bit of meat with her fork savagely.

He leaned his head on his hand. "Can we *not* do this? I've had a really long day."

"So I've heard."

"Heard what?"

"Drinking in bars and vomiting in alleys. I don't think that's taking very good care of yourself and our baby."

John glared daggers at D'argo, who returned them with a look of hurt innocence.

"That's not exactly what happened, Aeryn. I know what I'm doing. I didn't do anything to-"

He was interrupted by Aeryn's fork, which had either slipped from her grip or been thrown. It clattered across the length of the table, barely missing Rygel's plate.

"Look. How could you think that I would do anything to hurt our baby? Don't you trust me?"

Aeryn stood up, breathing heavily, and glared at him. "I just don't want anything to happen to MY baby," she said, enunciating clearly.

John stood up and faced her. "That's always been the problem, Aeryn. You've always acted as if this was only *your* baby. It's my child too."

She refused to meet his eyes. "Fine. Do what you want," she said, and stalked out of the room.

John sat back down and picked at his greens.

"Aren't you going after her?" D'argo asked, after an awkward silence.

"No," John said shortly.

"You know," Chiana said conversationally. "I've heard that when a woman has a miscarriage she suffers a lot of hormonal upset. Besides just having to deal with the loss."

Miscarriage. That word filtered through the self-pity John had been wallowing in. It brought to mind images of blood and trips to the emergency room in the middle of the night. It wasn't how John had been thinking of the situation-the baby was not so much miscarried as..misplaced. But it was apt.

"Oh, dren," John said, and got up from the table. He pushed his food to Rygel. "Here, Sparky, you eat this."

Rygel beamed at him. "Thank you."

"You did good, Chiana," D'argo said, popping a piece of bread in her mouth.

"Now let me get this straight," Rygel said. "Crichton is pregnant with Aeryn's child? How come I didn't know about this?"

"I was keeping my mouth shut," Chiana said primly. "After the trouble I got into last time," she shuddered.

"C'mon, Rygel, Hynerians are always the last to know," D'argo said.

Aeryn was sitting in Command, with her face turned away, staring out at the stars. She looked heartbreakingly lonely.

"That was a horrible thing for me to say," John confessed.

"No, you were right," she said, turning to look at him. "I did think of the baby as mine. I left without telling you, I didn't do what I needed to find out who the father was..I was going to make every decision or choice about the pregnancy myself. I am so sorry."

John sat down beside her and took her hand in both of his. He played with the ring on her finger and tried to think of something to say. He knew that the politically correct thing to say was that is was her body, her choices, but it had hurt too much that she hadn't told him.

"I can't do that now. I can't think of the baby that way now," she said, saving him from having to think of something to say. "When I left-' and her voice broke "When I left, I wasn't sure I wanted it to be yours. Because I wasn't sure that I wanted to be with you."

"I know."

"And that's why I didn't tell you, because I knew then I wouldn't be able to go."

"But you changed your mind and came back."

"Yes-leaving was the worst thing I ever did. I was wrong." And she stopped, unable or unwilling to go any further.

"Something happened to change your mind.." he guessed.

"I can't tell you," she said fearfully.

He reached out and touched her cheek. "Some day?" he asked gently.

"Some day," she nodded, relieved. "Then, when I came back, I was so afraid it *wasn't* yours..and I didn't know if you could accept that."

"Aeryn, if you had kids from a former relationship, if we adopted or picked up a stray or if it's from the other me, I don't care. As long as it's your baby, it's my child too."

"It *is* your child. They have to know how long an embryo has been there so that you know when your time's up. The baby had been there way too long to be conceived on Talyn. It had to have been when we were on the false Earth..I just didn't know." she blushed.

"Really?" he asked in wonder. To think, all that time..through Aeryn's death, and revival-everything they had been through. "That-that's incredible. And makes me feel a little guilty. I didn't think about using any protection. I didn't even know we were compatible and I thought we were going to be dead the next day anyway."

"Well, I didn't either," she shrugged. "So it's my fault, too," she said, smiling.

"I'm uh- glad I was there."

"Me, too."

John got down on his knees in front of her. "Aeryn, we're going to find a way to fix this. I know you're scared about the baby. I am too. But it will turn out fine, I know it will."

"I've been being a jerk,' she said, tearing up, and for some reason sounding a great deal like Olivia when she was in trouble. "I've known about the baby for a cycle, and I've gotten used to having it there-just there, all the time, with me. I've built up all these hopes and dreams about her. And I want to be the one to get sick and have to relieve myself all the time."

"No, you don't. Believe me, you don't," he said eliciting a smile from her.

"And get big, and feel her moving around inside of me.."

He pulled her to him and she rested her head on his shoulder. "I'm sorry,' she said, clutching his t-shirt in her fingers. "I know you're the only person in this universe who wants this baby as much as I do."

"Well, I don't know..there's Chiana.."

Aeryn snorted. "There's only one more thing I'd like to know," John whispered in her ear.

"What's that?"

"What is it about that first time that still makes you blush every time we talk about it?"

"I uh-can'tell you," she said, "but I could show you."


----------


John woke the next morning with a wonderful feeling that all was right with the world. Aeryn was spooned around him, her arm lying protectively across his stomach, her hair tickling his side.

He had a fresh sense of shock as he remembered why Aeryn's arm was so possessively draped across him. Still, for the first time he thought about it quietly, letting it sink in. He was carrying their child- a new life was growing inside of him, and strange as it was, it was still a miraculous event. And not one that anyone of his gender had been likely to have experienced before. "To boldly go where no man has gone before," he whispered to himself. "Take that, James T. Kirk."

The feeling of general well-being lasted as he eased himself out of bed and until he was halfway to the bathroom. The last half of the journey was made quickly, as he discovered a sudden need to rid himself of what little he had eaten the night before. Aeryn was beside him instantaneously, holding his head while he was bent over the john.

"At least I don't have long hair to hold back," he said, smiling weakly as Aeryn handed him a glass of water. He rinsed his mouth out and lowered himself down to where she was sitting on the floor and laid his head on her lap, putting an arm around her waist.

"This must be the dren Noranti gave you," she said, worried. She stroked his head and he snuggled in. "I haven't been feeling this bad."

"It might be inherited. My mom had a lot of morning sickness with all three of us."

Aeryn thought about that while John attempted to get up. "This day is not worth getting out of bed for," he said. "I think I'm going to crawl back to bed."

"Oh, no you don't," Aeryn said. "We're going to the diagnosan, remember? I'll get you a dentic."


----

Chiana came out of the diagnosan's inner sanctum crying. John and Aeryn both got up from where they had been waiting and joined her and D'argo.

"The diagnosan told her she needed to get new eyes, basically, D'argo said. "The good news is the optic nerve is fine, it's the orbs themselves that were damaged."


"I told them no," Chiana said. "I don't want a transplant. I like my eyes."

"I'm sure that you would be just as beautiful," D'argo said soothingly.

"We'll see if the eyedrops work first," she sniffed. "They said there was a chance that they might regenerate on their own."

"It's a temporary solution, even if it works," Parvati informed her. "You can not use your extraordinary sight without damaging your eyes again."

"You think I haven't figured that out?" she said defiantly.

John saw Aeryn's disappointed look and knew it was for more than Chiana's problems. "There still might be something in their bag of tricks for us," he said. "Keep up the faith. Hey, their plants are in good shape."

It was true- there were beautiful plants everywhere in the waiting room. Aeryn looked at him, puzzled.

"Never go to a doctor whose houseplants are dead."

Aeryn nodded as if she had received important information. Soberly, they followed the Delvian into the other room. Parvati explained that the diagnosan had watched the vids, and gave a short explanation as to the exam procedures that they would might go through, and her working relationship with the diagnosan.

"We believe that it is necessary to heal both the body and the spirit," she explained. "Our abilities complement each other."

"Yes," Aeryn nodded. "We had a good friend who was a Delvian priestess."

John clasped Aeryn's hand tightly after he climbed onto the table. "You know, the last time I was on a diagnosan's table I had holes drilled in my head."

"I missed that," Aeryn reminded him gently.

The diagnosan was like the others of his kind they had seen, strangely ambiguous in gender and impossible to understand. The Delvian sent a short prayer to the goddess, and then assisted and translated for the diagnosan. He did a few tests on John, including one that confirmed what John had suspected all long, that surgeons were sadists. He cut John on the arm with a scalpel and watched intently as the wound bled.

"The diagnosan has come to some conclusions," Parvati announced. "You may not care for your choices."

"Tell us," Aeryn said.

"The problem is that you are placental mammals," Parvati translated. "And you," she said, indicating John- "are a bleeder. Not only that, but your species is unique in Tormented Space, and we have no blood available for transfusions.

When the placenta is removed from your body, you will surely hemmorhage. It would put your life at risk. The safest option for you would be to take the child now, and leave the placenta to be absorbed by the body."

"And if we don't want to do that?" Aeryn asked, clamping down on John's hand so tightly he was afraid the bones would be crushed.

"We could leave the fetus to grow, and deliver surgically as soon as it has a chance to be viable, once again, leaving the placenta to be re-absorbed. There's far more risk with that, however, as an abruption at any point could cause hemorrhaging, peritonitis and death." The Delvian paused to listen to the diagnosan.

"Also," she said sadly, "the child is at risk for bone and skull malformities, due to being outside the protective walls of a womb, and the structure of the pelvis."

The diagnosan ran delicate fingers across John's abdomen-a movement that was not in the least erotic but did tickle.

"The musculature here does not leave much room for growth."

Like Aeryn wouldn't have a problem with that, John thought randomly.

"But surgically removing the baby and the placenta, and placing it in Aeryn's womb, is the baby's best chance, isn't it?" John insisted. "Would you transfer the baby anyway? If that's what we want?"

After a short discussion with the diagnosan, Parvati nodded. "Yes, it's your choice. If we do it, it's best to be done quickly, before the fetus grows any larger."

"No," Aeryn said, to John's surprise. "I can't lose you. We can always have another baby," she said, her voice breaking.

"I don't want another baby, Aeryn, I want this baby."

Aeryn threw her head back and stuck her chin out. John knew he would lose this argument, but he was equally determined that they were not going to lose the baby. "All right. We'll do nothing for now. I guess we'll have to take our chances."

----

"Feet in the stirrups, John," Harvey said cheerfully, holding something that looked like salad tongs. He was wearing a lab coat over his leather and a stethoscope around his neck.

"That's truly terrifying, Harvey- much more frightening than you playing Dracula." John was enormously pregnant-much larger than he had ever imagined Aeryn being. He was also dressed in pink-something with small indistinguishable white animals on it, and a peter pan collar with a blue ribbon tied into a bow. Looking down, he could see that he had breasts. Handy if he were going to have a baby, he supposed, and at least pink was a good color for him.  "Now, what did I tell you about you picking out the wardrobes?"

"It's to make a point," Harvey said, waving the salad tongs vaguely in John's general direction. He had gone from looking pleased at John's description of him as 'terrifying' to scowling. "I don't suppose that there's anything I can do to talk you out of this dangerous and patently ridiculous course of action."

"Well, no."

"I thought not. Humans are ridiculously sentimental about their offspring."

"You're right. We should be more like Scarrens," John pointed out, and had the satisfaction of seeing Harvey wince. "But you knew that, so why are we here?"

"Revenge, John," the figment brightened up. "It hasn't occurred to you, but a nice load of that bat guano in Moya's innards would pollute that precious lake of theirs quite nicely."

"We don't do revenge, Harvey," John said patiently. "But on the other hand, we do do threats and coercion, don't we? Hey, thanks, Harv, you've given me an idea."

Harvey looked bewildered, but smug.

-------


"Listen, if we reversed the process that got us in this shape in the first place, do you think that would bypass the problems?" John asked the diagnosan. After a long stream of undecipherable syllables, the Delvian answered. "Possibly. Assuming that the neutralizer can return your bodies to their previous state, you should have no problems."

"Well, it always worked on Star Trek. C'mon babe, I've got a plan."

----

"And what is this plan?" Rygel asked, as they approached the puzzle people's planet.

"We try to talk to them, reasonably," John said. "And if that doesn't work, we'll rain biohazards down on them the likes of which they have never seen before."

"YEAH!' Chiana yelled, and chortled. She was in a very good mood since she had started to see simple shapes again. "Teach them to go around zapping people and putting them back together wrong."

"We'll *threaten* to," Aeryn corrected. "We won't have a prayer of gaining their cooperation if we actually do it."

"Well, that's no fun," Chiana said.

Surprisingly enough, the Escheroids were quite willing to speak to them. John was fairly sure he recognized one by the tick in his eye-it kept sliding back and forth uncontrollably. His voice was shaking with indignation as he complained about the damage that had been done to the planet.

"And who is going to pay for it, I'd like to know?"

"PAY??!!" D'argo said to the screen. "What about the damage you've done to us? All we tried to do was heal our ship, rest a little, and-"

"D'argo, that isn't helping. Listen, we can discuss payment, but that isn't what we came here for. We have a problem that you caused," John said.

"Why should we care about *your* problem. What is that to us?" The tic worsened.

Aeryn stepped forward, blocking the view of the others and dragging John by the hand. "My mate and I are expecting our first child. When you reconstituted us, you placed our offspring into my mate's body. He is the male of his species, and you have put his life and our baby's life at risk. Please help us. It would only be repairing something that you have-broken. Then we will do what we can to fix what we have broken." Her eyes widened and her voice softened. "Please."

"It's a heavy price to pay for trespassing," John added.

He folded, both literally and figuratively, immediately. "All right," he said. "You can come down. But land only where we tell you to."

"We get to bring an armed guard."

"Granted."

"Whoohoo,' John said, after communications were cut off. He grabbed Aeryn and kissed her on the nose. "No one can resist those big grey eyes."

"They're blue," Chiana piped in. "I may be blind, but I'm not colorblind."

"No, they're grey," D'argo agreed with John.

"Well, they aren't blue like John's eyes are blue, but they're definitely blue."

"Oh, the next thing you know you're going to be saying *you're* blue," Rygel scoffed.

-----

Now that the time was at hand John wanted to delay for just a few more microts what was going to be the end of the most unique experience of his life. He didn't say a word though, knowing that this was what was best for the baby and being unable to stand another microt of Aeryn's palpable anxiety.

He asked for blankets, knowing they were going to end up nude again and in front of Chiana and D'argo as well as the Escheroids. He eyed Chiana uncertainly, wondering how well she could see- she was resolutely pointing her pulse rifle at the coatrack in the corner.

"We really are good at this," the Escheroid, who John realized was some sort of techie, explained to them. "The equipment was undoubtedly confused by your unknown species. Now that we've recalibrated it, everything should be fine."

John and Aeryn sat side by side on the examining table, holding hands. He looked at her and she nodded that she was ready, so he nodded to the tech. A microt later, he asked, "When are you going to do it?"

"It's done," the techie said with satisfaction, "and the scans show that mother and child are reunited."

Sure enough, he was naked again. He was certain that he had spent more time in the last couple of days naked than he had clothed.

He pulled the blanket over his lap, and then draped one over Aeryn's shoulders, touching her forehead with his and shutting out the world. "How're you feeling?"

"Pregnant," she said, smiling beatifically. "Don't I look- rounder?" She smoothed her hand over her belly.

"Yes," he agreed, looking down at her still perfectly flat tummy. "You definitely look bigger."

Amid the general congratulations and assurances that everyone felt fine and appeared normal, one of the Escheroids said, "About payment."

"Payment for what?" John asked. "What in the world have we done?"

The alien rolled out a scroll. "First, there's the little matter of the pollutants we had to remove from the lake- biological matter from your ship. One coin that had to be removed. The top of a skyrica plant blasted. 1,213 grains of sand melted."

"We had reasons for doing that. We didn't know it was a problem," Aeryn said."If you hadn't grabbed us-"

"Two vines, approximately three feet in length."

"Belts," John said.

"4.5 leaves."

"Toilet paper."

"Bodily fluids cleaned from the rock floor'

"Um, never mind.."

"Seventy-three blades of grass that had to be replanted in one area and fifty-two in another."

"This is why Livvy quit Girl Scouts. Excessive environmental awareness. When they told her she couldn't pee in the woods but had to pack out the-"

"One fermylyn tree twig, eighteen displaced gourds, twenty-three displaced rocks,-"

John stopped him before he could count the grains of sand in a sand castle. It had not escaped him that none of the damage they were worried about had anything to do with their escape- no complaining about stolen lab coats or busted eyes.

"What is going on here? You have to believe us when we say we really don't get it."

"We destroyed this planet. Our planet. Our species overran and made a barren wasteland of our own home. We've been living in space for hundreds of cycles, and now that we have the technology, we're rebuilding it based on old records, DNA samples and pictures."

"Well, you need to use a different type of grass. Listen, did it ever occur to you that someday you would have to use this world? And some 'damage' will occur from that- but it will heal. You're supposed to walk on the grass."

John could tell, as strange as his face was, that the Escheroid was looking at him doubtfully.

"We'll pay. Just, could we have some privacy to get dressed, please?"

"Of course,' he replied easily. 'and I want to assure you that we never meant any harm to you and your mate, or your unborn son."

"Son?" John blinked, and stood up-then hastily grabbed his bedsheet.

"Yes, your 'male offspring'," he said, as if unsure that it had translated correctly.

Aeryn glared at him as the others left the room. "This is your fault," she said irrationally. "You're the one who wanted a boy."

"Well, yeah," he said, grinning wildly. "It's my Y chromosome. This is great, Aeryn- everything's going to be fine, and we're going to have a baby. A little boy."

"Well, I guess a boy's okay. Especially if he has a good father to teach him to be a good man." She put her arms around his neck and laid her head on his shoulder.

He put his arms around her and held her close. "I am going to be the most understanding, patient father-to-be ever."

"You'd better be. You may have to be. I don't know what the frell I'm doing-maybe it would have been better if you *could* be the one that had the baby."

"And you could take care of me and fight the baddies?" John said. And she'd have to, he thought to himself. He obviously wouldn't have been good for dren for the first couple of months. "I can see a certain appeal to that. And it was amazing for just a little while to know that our child was inside *me*," he shook his head, smiling. "But as difficult as things might get-and I don't think for a microt with our lives and our luck that this is going to be easy-I have every faith that you are going to be a wonderful mother." He tipped her chin up a bit so he could look at her face. "And hey, I'll know at least a little bit of what it's like..I can be a big help."

"And I'll let you,' she promised. He sealed her promise with a kiss and went to get dressed. As he stepped into his pants he noticed that Aeryn had a wicked grin on her face.

"What?" he said, expecting to get teased.

"Just wondering how much Chiana can see now. Her eyes got very big when you dropped that blanket."

"That's not my fault,"he shrugged. "Accidents happen."

The End.