Okay, this one needs a little history- the last SACC contest was supposed to be a mystery, and I was writing this for it. You can blame the plot on a late night talk with a RL friend.
I didn't get done in time-and in the belief that no good ( or bad) fic should go unfinished, I finally got around to finishing it. It's PG, if that much, usual suspects (and disclaimers) and it's set after Twice Shy.
2nd in Best Characterization, Noranti, 2004 Sparky Awards.
The kitchen was chaos when John walked in, expecting that the evening meal would be ready. He had no idea what was causing the consternation and fuss because everyone quieted when he entered, like guilty children. His greetings were answered half-heartedly-except for Aeryn, who he did not greet. The sight of her had pulled him her direction automatically, like a puppet on a string, and his equal and opposite reaction to that force made him not react at all-he didn't want anyone to know that they were together, or as together as they had ever been. He poked around in the pots and pans on the stove, stirring up something that looked like it had burned to the bottom of the pot long ago and came off in big, ugly green flakes.
"Not very appetizing," he commented neutrally."Whose turn was it to cook?"
"Wrinkles'," Chiana said sullenly."It's not like she ever lets me in the kitchen anymore."
His stomach twisted disappointedly. "Well, where is she?"
"I don't know," Rygel said rapidly, twiddling his small green fingers together. "We don't know," he amended.
Something was definitely up. But they hadn't stopped by any commerce planets, and no one had left Moya and no one new had come aboard. No passengers, stowaways, critters, god-like beings or goods had been welcomed aboard Moya for some time.
As John attempted to comm Noranti, unsuccessfully, he slipped on dishwater on the floor, catching himself by one hand on the counter. A small urping sound came from Rygel. John sincerely hoped that it was not the release of helium gas. He drew himself up to his full height and gave Rygel the look that his mother had perfected-the one that immediately made him confess to not only launching rockets in the backyard without supervision, which she did know, but that he had used his sister's pet mouse as a test monkey, which she did not.
Rygel peered at him from under his long silver eyebrows. "I did it," he confessed. "I think. I think I might have killed her."
John grabbed the counter for balance again. His mouth flew open in shock. Before he could ask if 'her' meant Noranti, Rygel babbled on.
"It was an accident. I swear, I never meant to hurt her."
All eyes were on Rygel now.
"Tell us what happened," Chiana said helpfully.
"She-I-well, I was just trying to get something to eat..I wanted her to burn me some bread in that bread burner you brought back from Earth..you know, with minnacin and tubber when you make it so that the tubber is soaked into the bread and it holds all the Minnacin and sugar you can get on it," Rygel was starting to salivate.
John couldn't take it anymore. "Toast. It's toast, Sparky, and anyone can make it. Little kids on Earth can make toast. It's not hard at all-unless your toaster doesn't work right. We had a toaster that popped the toast up in the air, and it sat on the end of the island in the kitchen so one of us- Susan and I, Livvy was just a baby-would have to stand in the kitchen and the other in the dining room to try to catch the toast because you never knew which side it would land on-" John stopped. The others all had identical looks-the same look someone has when they get the joke and they know you don' t. "Uh, maybe this isn't the time for reminiscing."
D'argo shook his head. "Your parents could not have purchased another toaster?" he asked gently.
"Or repaired that one?" Aeryn asked, smirking.
"Or-put it somewhere else?" Pip asked brightly.
'Well, we did hear Mom and Dad laughing in the other room sometimes-HEY!" John said, and lapsed into silence.
Rygel continued with his confession.
"I flew too close to the burner and hit it with my throne sled," he said glumly. "It fell into the dishwater and eloctrocuted her."
John's brain refused to wrap itself around the last sentence.
"Rygel, if you electrocuted her, where is she?"
"I don't know," Rygel said miserably. "She was lying right there-I swear to you that she was. It was the worst sight I've ever seen in my life-It's burned into my eyes..her hair sticking straight out, smoke wisping up from the edges, her skirts pulled up *way* past her knickers.."
John stopped him before he could go any farther. "Rygel, I'm sure when we find Noranti, we'll find her hale and hearty. You know, she's probably just wandered off or something.."
"Why didn't you get help?" Aeryn asked sternly, fixing Rygel with a glare.
"I did," he squeaked. 'I flew out of the room quickly-to get help of course- when I ran into Chiana."
"Yes, he did,' Chiana said, without her usual brightness. "And I followed him back here- but there was no one in the galley. So I thought that Noranti had come to and was fine."
"You didn't check?" John asked.
"Well, I knew she didn't want to talk to me-not after I poisoned her."
John really needed to sit down. He slid into the empty seat beside Aeryn, not even caring that anyone saw them side by side.
"P-poison?"
"I didn't *mean* to poison her, of course." Chiana said irritatedly."But I like sotinger spice in my stew and she never puts it in. So while she was cooking I sprinkled some in while her back was turned. When she taste-tested it she had some sort of reaction- like the entons. How was I to know she was allergic?"
"Oookaaay.." John drawled. It sounded plausible enough, but the matter of fact way she presented it was bothering him. "So what happened next?"
"I pounded her on the back a few times, she took some disgusting blob of something out of her pouch and pinched it under her nose and she was fine."
Chiana tilted her head and continued on as if the idea had just occurred to her. "Say, you don't think the old woman could have succumbed to it later, do you?"
"That still wouldn't explain what happened to the body," John pointed out. He was getting an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. It seemed increasingly likely that there was a body. Somewhere.
"That's right," Chiana brightened. "She's probably fine, just sleeping it off somewhere."
"All right," Aeryn said. John could see the wheels turning in her head. "Now, when you both came back to find out that Noranti was *not* lying dead on the galley floor, was that *before* or *after* the qualta blade went off?"
"It had to have been after-" D'argo said hastily.
"What qualta blade?" Rygel asked.
"How did you know about that, Aeryn?" D'argo asked, surprised.
"I was here, in the galley. In the pantry," she said, straight-faced. John had no idea how she could do that; he could feel the heat rising in his.
They had quite by accident found themselves alone in the kitchen some time before dinner. One look and he was lost. Without a word they had come together in a passionate kiss, but it was Aeryn who had pulled them into the pantry and shut the door so they wouldn't be caught. What followed was a blur in his mind of Aeryn- the taste and feel of her, her hair, soft skin and lips- the smell of her mixed with the scent of cinnamon and more exotic foods in the pantry. In the pitch black they could only find each other by touch and things had just started to get really interesting when the sound of a qualta blade discharging had sent a bucket of cold water splashing down on them.
'What were you doing in the pantry?" Chi asked. John almost made some stammering excuse before he realized the question was not directed at him.
"Looking for something," Aeryn said shortly.
"Did you find what you were looking for?" Chiana asked curiously.
Aeryn looked sideways at D'argo. "Not before the qualta blade went off," she said dangerously.
John clapped a hand over his mouth to stifle the snigger that threatened to escape. "You were saying, D'argo," he said from behind his hand.
"It was an accidental discharge," D'argo said shamefacedly, "I was cleaning it in the next room and it went off. I followed the path of the damage and.. found Noranti here, lying on the floor. It looked like the shot had nicked her-she was still alive, and breathing well, so I picked her up and carried her to her room to have a bit of a lie down."
This time it was Chiana that said it. 'Didn't you think you should get some help?"
"But-who? She's the one that does the medicine on the ship. And, the old woman's always falling asleep at the most inconvenient times. " He shrugged.
"And you didn't want anyone to know that you had had an accident with the blade," Aeryn said.
"A warrior's blade is always to be considered loaded,' D'argo said seriously. "It was very irresponsible of me to not make sure that there was no charge. I don't believe that it killed the old woman, though."
"Probably not," John said. Being careful of the wet floor, he stood where he thought Noranti must have been standing, noting that there was indeed a toaster in the sink. Rummaging through the metal canisters over the sink, he found what he was looking for-a canister with a large hole in it, singed around the edges.
"Looks like you missed her," John said, wishing, not for the first time, that Moya was equipped with some sort of timekeeping device in the kitchen.
"All right, here's what I think happened. Noranti was still lying here after being electrocu-after being shocked by Rygel, and you, D'argo, found her after you had your little accident with the qualta blade" although on television gun accidents were never accidents, John thought grimly "and removed her before Rygel came back to the room with Chiana."
And Aeryn and I missed it all because we'd been making out like rabid bunnies at the time, John mused. "Pilot, we're going to Noranti's room. Could you please have Scorpius and Sikozu join us there?"
"Commander Crichton, Noranti is not in her room. In fact, I have the Drd's searching for her everywhere and we have yet to find her."
"I know, Pilot, we aren't looking for her- we're looking for clues."
The old lady's room was a mess. Strange objects and containers were scattered widely, and the bed was rumpled-not just unmade, but with blankets and sheets flung off. John surreptitiously poked at some dirty clothes lying on the floor with his foot to make sure that they weren't actually Noranti herself.
'What the frell happened here!" Aeryn said. 'Someone must have rifled the place, looking for something."
"It always looks like this," Chiana shrugged. 'I've been in here before. Sometimes it's worse."
It was a good thing they weren't trying to tell if the room had been burglarized, John thought. But he had no idea where to begin searching for a clue to the old woman's disappearance. "D'argo, why don't you show us what happened when you brought Noranti in here?"
D'argo looked at him blankly.
'Did you- carry her all the way down the hallway?" John prompted, spreading his hands out as if he were carrying something.
"Well, if you think it necessary," D'argo said, backing up to the door. He pantomimed carrying someone in his arms, walking over to the bed and depositing the imaginary Noranti on it gently. He then smoothed down invisible skirts, and tucked non-existent blankets under the chin that wasn't there. He then spent a few microts whispering quietly to the bed-apologetically, John thought.
"Did you give her a little kiss goodnight?" Rygel asked sarcastically.
D'argo straightened up and glared at him. John ignored them, crouching down beside the bed to study it more closely. The way the bedclothes were flung off might mean that the old woman had left the room of her own accord-they looked just as they might if she had gotten out of bed in a hurry.
"Was she..conscious, when you saw her last?" John inquired.
'Her eyelids were just starting to open," D'argo replied. "I didn't stay long,' he added hastily.
Running away before she came to, John speculated. He looked a question at D'argo.
D'argo wrinkled his leathery nose delicately. "The smell."
"That's just the bedclothes," Chiana said, pushing her way to the bed from behind D'argo. 'I can take care of that," she said enthusiastically, ripping the sheets off the bed and gathering blankets in the arms.
'NO," John cried, belatedly trying to stop her. He gave up a moment later..oh, Hell, who did he think he was, one of those guys on CSI? He wasn't going to find any trace evidence, and he wouldn't know what to do with it if he did.
"She'll have a nice clean bed when we find her," Chiana said optimistically.
"She'll probably hate it," Rygel said.
Chiana's exit was impeded by Sikozu's arrival, making the small room even more congested. It hadn't been too suspicious that Sikozu hadn't come to dinner, since she only ate once every few days, or that Scorpius hadn't, since he preferred to devour his sustenance alone, but her wild red curls and flushed face and the strange red mark on her neck instantly made John wonder what she and Scorpius had been doing. That mark might be a defensive wound-perhaps made by Noranti's long and claw like nails.
Aeryn gave Sikozu a recap of the search for Noranti, which she finished by kicking John in the ankle as he was staring at Sikozu's neck.
"Ow," John said. "Uh-Sikozu, have you seen Noranti recently?"
'Why doesn't Chiana find her with that sight of hers?" she asked belligerently, not answering the question. "That would seem to be the easiest solution."
D'argo growled. "You know that Chiana goes blind every time she uses her ability. I'm not going to let her do it."
Chiana flashed a rebellious glance at D'argo, but said nothing to him. She turned to Sikozu and said,'Why don't you find her with that big brain of yours? That would seem the easiest solution." Chiana pushed her way past Sikozu, causing her to sniff disdainfully at odor wafting from the sheets and blankets in her arms, and through the door. "I have things to do."
"I probably shouldn't let her leave like that," John muttered to Aeryn, standing close by.
"Why?" she asked casually. "She wouldn't hurt Noranti."
"There was Salis,' he said worriedly.
Aeryn gave him a small and surreptitious smile. "Durka killed Salis," she said in a tone that brooked no uncertainty, as she her long fingers fiddled with the objects on the table in Noranti's room.
John turned his attention to the floor. "Her feet might still have been wet," he mused, looking for small wet footprints.
"If they hadn't evaporated by now, the DRDs would have cleaned them away," Sikozu said, lacking her usual confidence.
"You're probably right. D'argo, could you..sniff her out? Can you follow where Noranti went when she left this room?"
D'argo appeared to be puzzled for microt, then lifted his nose in the air and sniffed experimentally.
"Maybe a little lower down," John hinted. "Grandma's a lot shorter than you are."
D'argo nodded and went out into the hallway. This time Sikozu got out of the way. He turned his head left, and then right. 'I think I can do this,"he said. "But her scent leads off in both directions."
"Let's try the direction that you *didn't* carry her down the corridor from."
D'argo nodded. As Sikzu and Rygel followed him down the corridor, Crichton noticed that Aeryn was not following them. He poked his head back in Granny's room. "Aeryn?" he called softly.
He had evidently interrupted her in some kind of reverie..looking at what John realized with an uncomfortable feeling were bulbs of lakka, her expression grim. When she looked at him, her eyes were unfocussed and her face expressionless.
"You coming with us?"
She turned away from where her hand had been hovering over the lakka. "Yes," she said, smiling.
John tried to shake the uneasy feeling as they followed D'argo. On the one hand, the situation was ludicrous- he felt that he should be proceeding wearing a deerstalker hat and inverness cape, or at least a leash for his bloodhound-on the other, he didn't like feeling suspicious of his fellow crewmates. Why was Chiana so anxious to wash the bedding? Why was Sikozu so quick to dismiss the idea that there were footprints, and so quick to know that that's what he had been talking about? Was Rygel's confession a cover-up for a nastier deed? Was D'argo even attempting to lead them in the right direction? As a detective, he thought, he made a pretty good astronaut.
Another right turn following D'argo's nose and John found himself face to face with Scorpius.
"What are you doing here?" he asked stupidly.
"Didn't you call for me?" Scorpius asked smugly.
That was right, he'd asked for them all to come to Noranti's room.
"Have you found her yet?" asked Scorpius, with no need to ask what they were looking for.
"Does it look like we've found her,' snapped Rygel. "We're still following our Vorcarian bloodhound here."
"What does it matter?" Scorpius said smoothly. "I'm sure she'll come back when it suits her."
"You make her sound like a wandering cat," John spat out.
D'argo stopped a few feet down the corridor, turning his head and sniffing in every direction.
"I've lost the scent," he announced as they caught up with him.
That was it. The trail gone cold in the middle of an empty hallway. It wasn't a locked room mystery, it was an open-ended corridor mystery.
"Is there anything *different* about the corridor we're standing in?" John commed Pilot.
"Yes, Commander Crichton," Pilot replied. "There's a malfunctioning airlock on that tier, not far from your location. It's been opening and closing on its own all day, but the DRDs have fixed it now."
"And you're just now telling us about it?"
"You didn't ask before."
As irritating as John found this, it was nothing compared to Aeryn's reaction.
"Oh, frell,' she said, dawning horror on her face. "It was me."
"What do you mean, it was you?" John said, sounding almost as angry as if someone else had accused her.
"We had words..right here, in this corridor. I was angry with Noranti about-' she stopped, her eyes begging John to understand-I was angry, and I hit her."
"You *hit* her? How hard?"
"Not hard, she was still standing," Aeryn said without the slightest hint of braggadocio. "She blew some dust in my face and told me to go away-and I did. But maybe she was dazed and walked out the airlock. I swear, I didn't remember this til just now, when we came to this spot."
Aeryn was so obviously distressed that John wanted to gather her in his arms, but could not, in front of Scorpius. The group was gathered around Aeryn in a circle, D'argo soberly watching beside John, Rygel with his mouth open, and Sikozu and Scorpius enigmatic.
"It would be as much the Pilot's fault as yours, Aeryn," Sikozu said sweetly. "I'm sure she wouldn't have been hurt if there weren't a malfunctioning airlock to walk out of."
"We don't know that that's what happened, Sputnik," John said. Unfortunately, Aeryn's story made sense..he knew that she was not happy about the old woman supplying him with lakka, and having experienced her fairy dust first hand, he knew Aeryn could well have forgotten the entire incident until now. "Let's find out if she went out that airlock."
'Unfortunately, there's no way of knowing," Pilot interrupted. "There are no sensors in that area, and anyone out that airlock would be metras away by now."
"I'll take a look," Rygel said, speeding down the corridor.
As Aeryn's anxious eyes turned towards John, he cursed Scorpius's presence. And why did she have to stand so close to him, without qualm, oblivious of his presence? Was this some fault in Aeryn, he wondered, that made her not see the danger in unpredictable, violent males..Crais, Talyn, Scorpius..
Evidently Sikozu thought that they were too close as well, moving in between Aeryn and Scorpius.
"Aeryn, that's a very unlikely scenario," John insisted. "Even a befuddled Noranti wouldn't just walk out an airlock. And besides, ' he said, his eyes following D'argo's nose as he turned it *upwards*" it doesn't explain *that*.
A few strands of gray hair, high up under the curve of Moya's rib, as he thought of the ridges that lined her hallway.
Aeryn turned her eyes to Scorpius. "Scorpius.." she said hesitantly. "Scorpius was there..down the hallway.."
Rygel came speeding back, swerving around Crichton and nearly crashing into the wall before stopping his throne sled.
'She's there," he said breathlessly, as if he had run the distance. "There was a piece of material..one of her skirts..stuck in the airlock. She's floating outside."
"Oh, crap," John said, a lump rising in his throat. 'Now someone's going to have to suit up and go get her." His worst fear confirmed, he turned to Scorpius. 'Would you care to tell us what you saw?"
'Not that you would believe a word of it," Scorpius said. He scrutinized John for a microt. Aeryn braced herself, waiting with what John thought of as her martyr stance.
"I saw Aeryn Sun hit the old woman. A few microts later she went down. I hid the body-up there. Someone was coming, so I waited to return at my leisure and dispose of it."
"That someone was me," Sikozu broke in, as if she was anxious to back up his story. "I was the one that disposed of the body out the airlock."
Of course she was, John thought. Who better for retrieving bodies tucked in the ceiling than someone who walked on walls? But this solution was simply unacceptable. It couldn't have been Aeryn who dealt the death blow. It had to have been someone else.
"And why would you hide the body?" John asked slowly, watching Scorpius.
"To protect Aeryn, of course."
"From what?" John asked, an edge coming to his voice. "From whom? What makes you think that you have the right to protect her?"
Scorpius said nothing, just regarded him calmly. Aeryn was trembling..with reaction to Noranti's death or the tenseness of the situation, John wasn't sure.
John drew Wynona and pointed it in Scorpius's face, point blank range. "I don't believe you. I think you killed Noranti. You must have had a reason-she knew too much about you or something."
"So what if I did?" Scorpius said. "She was just a cook, John."
After waffling for a microt, Sikozu waved a pulse pistol in John's face. "You made a promise," she said emotionally.
"Extenuating circumstances. He killed a crewmate."
Aeryn pulled her gun and placed the business end on Sikozu's temple. "You don't want to do that." she said quietly.
D'argo drew his qualta blade, trying to cover both Scorpius and Sikozu, while Rygel ducked behind his back.
A couple of long microts passed while John considered the situation. It was possible that he could kill Scorpius before Sikozu shot him- it was also possible that Aeryn could shoot her before she could shoot him. Or they could all shoot at once and end up like reservoir dogs-no one the victor and everyone dead. It might be worth it, he thought, especially since no one was pointing a weapon at Aeryn at the moment.
"What crewmate? Who's dead?" A familiar voice said from behind him. Everyone turned to look, lowering their weapons. Noranti was standing there, hale and hearty, shaking her skirts out and trying unsuccessfully to smooth her hair.
"You are," Rygel said, horrified. "That's why you were floating out the airlock. I saw you."
Noranti laughed. "I was just taking a little rest,' she said. To the open mouths and shocked faces, she added, throwing her chest out and making everything she could of her short stature,"I've been poisoned, shocked, shot at, bludgeoned, and thrown out of an airlock. Is it any wonder that I wanted a break from the lot of you? You have no respect for your elders!"
She threw out her arms expansively and swished her skirts as she walked through the group. They parted like the Red Sea before her.
With sheepish faces and mumbled words, the group parted, Sikozu and Scorpius disappearing quickly.
"Time to eat," Chiana's voice came cheerfully over the Comm. "I managed to make something out of the remains of the evening meal. Say, Crichton, did you find her?"
"Uh yeah, Chiana, she's fine," D'argo said.
"Yes," Rygel answered at the same time. "Not bad for the yotz who didn't figure out the broken bread burner."
"I knew she'd show up again. Hey, Ryge, better put back whatever you snurched from her room."
"How did you know I-"
"Because you always do, Rygel."
"Well, I'll do it later," he said. "I think I'd better stay out of her way right now."
"Right. Like the way you stayed behind my back just a microt ago,' D'argo said, as he and Rygel proceeded down the hallway.
"Not cowardice, D'argo-strategy. You have to keep your best warrior in reserve."
"Right."
John watched them walk down the hallway, then turned to Aeryn, who looked weak with relief. She smiled at him for a microt, then sobered. "You still think he doesn't know about us?' she mouthed at him silently, then left to go to dinner. As John followed her at a discreet distance, he heard a shriek that was loud enough to be heard without the comms.
"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY BED??!!!"
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