Talk Is Cheap (PG)

[CrystalMoon]

Talk Is Cheap
By CrystalMoon

Spoilers: Post-Twice Shy
Rating: PG
Summary: When John won’t talk to her, Aeryn decides to take matters into her own hands.
Disclaimer: Farscape characters owned by Henson. I just play with them.


“Pilot, I’ll take a look at the gravity bladders now,” said Aeryn, wiping her hands on a rag and climbing out from under her prowler. She’d just finished lubricating all the prowler’s systems and had hoped she could take a break. Unfortunately, Pilot now needed her help on Moya’s systems.

“Thank you,” said Pilot, “they seem to be acting erratically. You may need to do a complete overhaul.”

“Frell,” said Aeryn under her breath. “That could take arns.”

“Is there a problem?”

“No, no problem, Pilot.”

Aeryn grabbed her tool kit and headed down the hall, making a quick stop in her quarters to grab some water and tie her hair back. She liked it down. John liked it down, but it would just be in the way when she starting working in the close confines where the gravity bladders were located tier 23.

Aeryn made a quick trip to relieve her own bladder, gulped down some water, and braided her hair. Tight. Then she took a moment to pace back and forth in her quarters, breathing hard and trying to keep her temper in check. John had said they’d have to be careful. They’d have to avoid Scorpius and the others, not let anyone know how they felt about each other. As if they didn’t already know. She snorted in disgust at his plan of secrecy. So typical of him. Plan first, think second. If he’d have let her in on things from the start, they might’ve found a better way of monitoring Scorpius. Now things were set and they needed to lay low until Scorpius made a move. Assuming he would make a move.

Frell this. Aeryn spoke into her comm. “Crichton, where are you?”

There was no answer for a moment, and Aeryn wondered if he’d consider ignoring her like he had since he’d made his big revelation. “I’m busy,” he finally said.

“Well, I’m going to need help with the gravity bladders. Pilot said they might need a complete overhaul.”

She heard him sigh and imagined him standing with his hands on his hips, eyes rolled to the ceiling. Yes, they’d agreed to be careful, but he couldn’t possibly think a request for help with work could be construed as anything but what it was. “I can’t come right now,” he said. “Maybe D’Argo can help.”

“I’m in the middle of something,” said D’Argo over the comms.

“So’m I,” said Chiana.

“Fine. Wait till any of you needs help next.” Aeryn grabbed her tool kit and headed out the door, resisting the urge to kick the DRD who was scuttling out of her path. A kick to a DRD would just be punishing Moya when the one she wanted to punish was “busy.”

Though Aeryn had to admit, as she stalked down the hall, they really did have little privacy aboard Moya, as that recent conversation over the comms had indicated. John did have reason to be paranoid, but not as paranoid as he was being. And that was the problem. How do you convince someone he’s too paranoid when someone really is out to get him? Especially when it’s his most hated enemy?

Aeryn sighed, seeing no way out of their impossible situation, and continued down the hall.

When she got to the gravity bladders, she got on her hands and knees and crawled into the narrow tunnel that led to the control panel. As she squeezed through, she put her hands in a puddle of oil that powered the gravity bladders. This meant there was a leak and Pilot did have reason for concern. If too much oil leaked, then they might lose the artificial gravity. And Aeryn did not want to be the one to clean up all the mess after that happened.

Hurrying now, Aeryn tried to lift her knees off the ground so they wouldn’t get oily, but the space was too small and when her butt hit the ceiling, her right hand shot out from under her. She sprawled face-first in the oil, getting some in her mouth, down her shirt, in her left ear and up her nostrils.

“Ugh,” she said. Then she spat and tried to wipe her nose with a hand covered in oil. Of course, all she managed to do was smear more oil across her face. “I’m going to kill you, Crichton,” she muttered. Then she proceeded to curse long and creatively while she backed out of the space and wiped her hands and face on a rag.

“Pilot,” she said, trying not to let her anger color her tone of voice, “I need some DRDs immediately for clean-up here. And we’ll need some more oil to keep the pressure up.”

“I’m sending DRDs right now,” said Pilot. “Are you all right?”

“I’m fine. Just quite  … messy.”

As Aeryn waiting for the DRDs, she carefully scooted back into the opening, this time managing to stay on her hands and feet. At the control panel, she found the cause of the leak, a stuck valve, caked with the residue of old, dried-up oil. She turned off the power to that node and removed the valve. Then she checked out the rest of the valves as well as the rest of the control station. None of the other valves were as bad as the first, but they all needed to be cleaned out. This was going to take her half the night.

Aeryn wiped a bead of sweat off her forehead with the back of her hand. “Pilot,” she called, “I’m shutting down the first hammond bladder to work on it. I trust Moya can sustain gravity without it.”

“Yes, we are fully redundant.”

“Good. Then once I finish, I’ll be doing the same to the rest of the bladders.”

“Thank you, Aeryn. I’ll send more DRDs.”

Aeryn grunted an acknowledgment and set to work. Normally, this sort of mindless tech work calmed her down with its repetitiveness, but today was different. As she opened up each valve and cleaned it, the black chunks of dried up oil reminded her of the frelling lakka bulb that John had been snorting. And that reminded her of how she’d felt when she’d found the bulb. Betrayed. Furious. Hurt. Confused. All that time since she’d been back on Moya, she’d been wary of pushing him. She’d tried to figure out what he wanted from her. So she’d learned his English and talked to his father and that Caroline trelk. She’d left him alone to think, to figure out what he wanted from Earth and if he would stay on Moya or not.

And all the while, he’d been taking drugs to forget about her.

Aeryn attacked the oil with her scraper. Drugs. To forget her. She remembered how hard it had been to wait to confront John about it, to give him time to get over leaving Earth and his family. She’d planned on giving him several solar days. But after only one day of her stomach roiling and her jaw clenched, she’d stopped trying to hide her feelings. And then Chiana had let that spider woman on board and it had changed everything. Or had it?

A couple of DRD’s arrived carrying small barrels of extra oil. As Aeryn unloaded it, she compared her relationship with John now to what it had been before she’d confronted him about the lakka. Other than two glorious arns that first evening in his quarters, where she’d had to sneak out before Sikozu walked by on her nightly spying prowl, their relationship was virtually the same. No, it was worse. John used to help with the hard tech work.

“Hey, whatcha doin'?” said Chiana from behind her.

Aeryn whirled around, pulling her pulse pistol halfway out of its holster before she registered that she wasn’t being attacked. She blew out her breath in a loud hiss and shoved her pistol back down. “What do you want, Chiana?”

A flicker of annoyance crossed Chiana’s face. “Well, I came by because Pilot said you needed help, but I can see you’re doing just fine on your own.” With that, she nodded, turned and headed back down the hall.

Aeryn rolled her eyes and jogged after Chiana. She grabbed her arm. “Wait. Sorry. Pilot’s right. I could use the help.”

Chiana looked Aeryn up and down, a smile playing on the corner of her mouth. “I’ll say. You look like dren. What’d you do? Take a bath in this stuff?”

Aeryn scowled and went back to the valve she’d been working on. “I fell,” she said, nodding toward the opening. “The valves all need to be opened up and cleaned. Just grab one and start scraping.”

Chiana cocked her head and crouched in front of the opening. “What a mess. Rygel should be doing this. It’s the perfect size for his frogness.”

Aeryn grunted at the thought of Rygel doing any sort of tech work, let alone one as messy as this.

Chiana came back out with a valve. She watched Aeryn for a few microts and then attacked her valve the same way. After they’d worked in a companionable silence for a while, Aeryn nodded. “Thanks,” she said.

Chiana shrugged. “Beats helping Noranti in the kitchen. Hey, how come Crichton’s not out here? Isn’t this his kind of thing? I just saw him sitting in front of a window and scribbling in that notebook of his. He didn’t look too busy.”

Aeryn scraped her valve so hard, the metal screeched. Yes, things were definitely worse between them. “I have no idea,” she told Chiana, trying hard to keep the sarcasm out of her voice.

Aeryn could feel Chiana glance at her. “I’ve noticed you two haven’t been talking much lately,” said Chiana.

“Hmm.”

“Yeah, and I, uh, noticed something else.”

When Chiana didn’t elaborate, Aeryn looked up. Chiana was staring at her. Aeryn raised her eyebrows. “What?”

“I noticed that when Crichton isn’t looking, you spend a lot of time watching him. And when you’re not paying attention, he’s watching you.”

Aeryn blinked and kept her face neutral. “That’s nonsense.” She bent back over her valve, trying to come up with a way to change the subject before Chiana treaded on dangerous ground. But her mind seemed to be a complete blank.

“Yeah, and, and, D’Argo and me. Well, we have a bet going on. D’Argo thinks Crichton still hasn’t forgiven you, but I think that he has.”

Aeryn shrugged. “I think you’ll lose your bet.”

Aeryn could feel Chiana’s eyes studying her. “I don’t think so, and you know why? You’re both tricking us, tricking everyone. You and Crichton are sneaking off every night for a fre--“

“Chiana!” Aeryn placed her hand across Chiana’s mouth, pressing firmly. She glanced around, but no one else was in the hallway. Chiana’s eyes were as big as DRD’s but she didn’t try to talk, so Aeryn removed her hand. Then she took off both her and Chiana’s comm. badges and placed them on the ground. Finally, she pulled Chiana inside the opening to the gravity bladders and scooted until they were hidden from view.

“Are you farbot?” demanded Chiana.

Aeryn gestured to her to lower her voice. Then she leaned close to Chiana’s ear. “Scorpius and possibly Sikozu are listening,” she whispered.

“Yeah?”

Aeryn bit her lip, considering how much to tell Chiana. Chiana had already betrayed one confidence. Aeryn would be foolish to trust her with another.

“Hey, I’ve learned my lesson,” whispered Chiana as if reading her mind.

Aeryn still hesitated. John would not be happy if Chiana knew what was going on.

“You ARE with Crichton again, aren’t you?” said Chiana with a smug look on her face. “I can tell. Wait’ll I tell D’Argo.”

“No, you cannot tell D’Argo,” said Aeryn urgently. “You have to keep this secret. John thinks Scorpius will use me to get to his wormhole knowledge. No one can know about us. No one.”

Chiana tilted her head and placed a hand on Aeryn’s knee. “Don’t worry. I won’t say anything. I promise.”

“Do I have your word on that?”

“Yeah, yeah, you have my word.”

“And you won’t tell D’Argo?”

“I won’t tell D’Argo.”

Aeryn grabbed Chiana’s arm until the girl winced. “Lives may depend on your silence.”

Chiana met Aeryn’s eyes without blinking. She nodded. “I know. I made a mistake before and I’m sorry, but I understand how serious this is, okay?”

Aeryn hadn’t realized she’d been holding her breath until she suddenly released it in a loud exhale. “Thank you.”

Chiana pulled her arm free and gave Aeryn’s knee a squeeze. “It’ll be fine.”

Aeryn’s face must’ve betrayed how little she believed anything between her and John would be “fine” because Chiana scooted a little closer and grabbed Aeryn’s hand.

“You-you’re not talking,” she said, “right? You and Crichton? I mean, how can you if Scorpius and Psycho are listening in on everything?”

Aeryn shifted her weight, ready to end this conversation.

“And I bet you’re not having sex, either.”

“Chiana,” said Aeryn in a don’t-go-there voice.

“Well, what’s the point of being with someone if you’re not, you know, with them?”

Aeryn pulled her hand away from Chiana and nodded back the way they’d come. “We should get back to work.”

Chiana glanced over her shoulder but didn’t move. “Before we go, I have an idea.”

Aeryn frowned. “About what?”

“About you and Crichton …” Chiana smiled suggestively. “… doing some talking.”

***

Four arns later, Aeryn stumbled into her quarters. She was exhausted, sweaty and covered in oil, only mildly glad that gravity wouldn’t dessert them the next day. There were some people she wouldn’t mind seeing bounce from wall to wall.

After a quick swipe across the door sensor, she pulled off her filthy shirt and tossed it on the floor in a far corner away from anything clean. Then she yanked off her boots and the rest of her clothes and threw them on top of her shirt. It was only then that she remembered to draw the privacy curtain, but since the sleep cycle had started an arn before, she wasn’t too worried about surprising anyone. As she pulled the curtain closed, she peered down the hallway, half hoping that John might be walking by. She would enjoy seeing the look on his face to find her naked in her doorway. Of course, it wouldn’t be nearly as fun as seeing him naked in his doorway.

Aeryn blinked and shook her head at her thoughts, certain the oil fumes had made her giddy.

As she headed to the shower, she noticed that someone had left a tray on her table filled with food. First there was a glass of citron juice, which she gratefully gulped down, just now noticing how thirsty she was. The tart juice hit the spot exactly right. Plus there were gibzo rolls and meat pie and pickled tubers and about 10 food cubes spaced out in a curiously familiar shape. The food was cold but it smelled spicy and wonderful. As she took a large bite of the meat pie, Aeryn frowned at the food cubes, trying to figure out their pattern.

Finally, it dawned on her. Crichton and his silly face thing. What was it? A happy face? She traced the shape of the 8 food cubes that formed the arc of the smile. And it worked. Aeryn smiled, feeling foolish for reacting to something clearly intended for children. But the gesture was so completely Crichton, and the whole tray was so thoughtful, that she found herself grinning as she took another bite of meat pie, wiping juice from the corner of her mouth.

“Hey, how’s it going?” said Chiana. She opened the door and stuck her head through the curtain.

“Chiana,” said Aeryn, shoving the rest of the pie in her mouth. She tried to say, “I’m not dressed,” as she grabbed a blanket from her bed and wrapped it around her, but what came out was, “I’m mnoh ess.”

“What?” said Chiana, letting herself into the room.

Aeryn chewed furiously and pointed to herself.

“You’re a mess? Well, hurry up and get ready. I have everything set up.” She wandered over to the table and reached for a food cube. “Hey, who brought the food?”

Aeryn slapped Chiana’s hand away from the table, swallowing hard, stopping herself before she said John’s name aloud. Instead, she mumbled, “It’s for me.”

“What are you? Rygel? It’s just a food cube, and I’m hungry.” Chiana picked it up and took a bite. “I’ve been very busy.”

Aeryn stared at her. “You’ve been busy!?” Earlier in the evening, after telling Aeryn her plan, Chiana had left immediately and never returned. Aeryn had been forced to complete all the work on the gravity bladders by herself.

“Yeah, busy,” said Chiana, thrusting her head out and shoulders back. She sniffed the air near Aeryn. “You smell like dren. You are going to bathe, aren’t you?”

“What do you think?” Aeryn rolled her eyes.

“Good.” Chiana ran out of the room and came back carrying a black garment. “When you’re done, put this on.”

She laid a black leather thing on the bed. It had a high neck and a cinched waist, no sleeves and a skirt that looked like it would barely cover Aeryn’s butt. The whole thing was studded with metal spikes that looked like they would leave lacerations if someone so much as brushed against them.

“Chiana,” said Aeryn, crossing her arms.

“What?”

Aeryn raised her eyebrows and didn’t say anything.

“Okay,” she said. “A little too, too sexy for you.” She ran outside and came back with another outfit. “How’s this?”

She swept aside the black thing and dropped a red garment on the bed. This one was made of a sheer filmy fabric that was in the shape of one of Zaahn’s robes. Again it was sleeveless. The only closure appeared to be at the neck, leaving the rest of it free to gape open with the slightest breeze.

Aeryn sighed.

“No, huh?” As Chiana ran outside a third time, Aeryn turned to go to the shower.

“Wait, wait, this is the last one.” Chiana came back in with her arms full. Aeryn paused and watched her dump a pair of leather slacks and a blue shirt on the bed. The slacks looked exactly like the kind Aeryn usually wore. In fact, they looked suspiciously like a pair that Aeryn had misplaced over a cycle ago.

Aeryn picked up the slacks. “Where did you get these?”

“I don’t remember.” Chiana snatched them back and put them on the bed, refusing to meet Aeryn’s eye. “That’s not important now anyway.” She laid them out and arranged the long-sleeved blue shirt on top of them. “How about the shirt?”

Aeryn was ready to dismiss it along with the earlier outfits, but this one was different. It was a shimmery blue material, not too dark and not too light. And the fabric was woven in a lacy pattern that almost looked sheer, but upon closer inspection, Aeryn found that it wasn’t. The neckline scooped down gracefully but not any farther than her other shirts.

“Do you like it?” asked Chiana, breathlessly.

Aeryn nodded, sliding the silky material between her fingers. “It’s nice.”

Chiana tilted her head. “I bet, um, other … people … like it too.”

Aeryn smiled before she could stop herself. When she felt heat rising up her cheeks, she ducked her head, bent over and picked up the discarded garments until her face cooled off.

“Okay,” said Chiana, taking the clothes from Aeryn’s arms. “The place is ready. You shower and change and I’ll go get …” Chiana frowned and paused.

“The package?” supplied Aeryn.

 “Yeah, yeah, the package. Be down there in a quarter arn.”

“All right.”

But as Chiana breezed out of her quarters, Aeryn found her stomach clenching in a case of nerves that caught her by surprise. There was nothing to be nervous about, she told herself as she entered the shower. John should be happy to spend time alone with her, shouldn’t he? He couldn’t possibly have been avoiding her because of any reason other than Scorpius, could he? But as the warm water started washing away the grime, doubt seeped into her mind like a bead of oil, making her wonder just what his reaction to Chiana’s plan would be.

-- cont'd on first reply --

[CrystalMoon]

 -- cont'd --

Four arns later, Aeryn stumbled into her quarters. She was exhausted, sweaty and covered in oil, only mildly glad that gravity wouldn’t dessert them the next day. There were some people she wouldn’t mind seeing bounce from wall to wall.

After a quick swipe across the door sensor, she pulled off her filthy shirt and tossed it on the floor in a far corner away from anything clean. Then she yanked off her boots and the rest of her clothes and threw them on top of her shirt. It was only then that she remembered to draw the privacy curtain, but since the sleep cycle had started an arn before, she wasn’t too worried about surprising anyone. As she pulled the curtain closed, she peered down the hallway, half hoping that John might be walking by. She would enjoy seeing the look on his face to find her naked in her doorway. Of course, it wouldn’t be nearly as fun as seeing him naked in his doorway.

Aeryn blinked and shook her head at her thoughts, certain the oil fumes had made her giddy.

As she headed to the shower, she noticed that someone had left a tray on her table filled with food. First there was a glass of citron juice, which she gratefully gulped down, just now noticing how thirsty she was. The tart juice hit the spot exactly right. Plus there were gibzo rolls and meat pie and pickled tubers and about 10 food cubes spaced out in a curiously familiar shape. The food was cold but it smelled spicy and wonderful. As she took a large bite of the meat pie, Aeryn frowned at the food cubes, trying to figure out their pattern.

Finally, it dawned on her. Crichton and his silly face thing. What was it? A happy face? She traced the shape of the 8 food cubes that formed the arc of the smile. And it worked. Aeryn smiled, feeling foolish for reacting to something clearly intended for children. But the gesture was so completely Crichton, and the whole tray was so thoughtful, that she found herself grinning as she took another bite of meat pie, wiping juice from the corner of her mouth.

“Hey, how’s it going?” said Chiana. She opened the door and stuck her head through the curtain.

“Chiana,” said Aeryn, shoving the rest of the pie in her mouth. She tried to say, “I’m not dressed,” as she grabbed a blanket from her bed and wrapped it around her, but what came out was, “I’m mnoh ess.”

“What?” said Chiana, letting herself into the room.

Aeryn chewed furiously and pointed to herself.

“You’re a mess? Well, hurry up and get ready. I have everything set up.” She wandered over to the table and reached for a food cube. “Hey, who brought the food?”

Aeryn slapped Chiana’s hand away from the table, swallowing hard, stopping herself before she said John’s name aloud. Instead, she mumbled, “It’s for me.”

“What are you? Rygel? It’s just a food cube, and I’m hungry.” Chiana picked it up and took a bite. “I’ve been very busy.”

Aeryn stared at her. “You’ve been busy!?” Earlier in the evening, after telling Aeryn her plan, Chiana had left immediately and never returned. Aeryn had been forced to complete all the work on the gravity bladders by herself.

“Yeah, busy,” said Chiana, thrusting her head out and shoulders back. She sniffed the air near Aeryn. “You smell like dren. You are going to bathe, aren’t you?”

“What do you think?” Aeryn rolled her eyes.

“Good.” Chiana ran out of the room and came back carrying a black garment. “When you’re done, put this on.”

She laid a black leather thing on the bed. It had a high neck and a cinched waist, no sleeves and a skirt that looked like it would barely cover Aeryn’s butt. The whole thing was studded with metal spikes that looked like they would leave lacerations if someone so much as brushed against them.

“Chiana,” said Aeryn, crossing her arms.

“What?”

Aeryn raised her eyebrows and didn’t say anything.

“Okay,” she said. “A little too, too sexy for you.” She ran outside and came back with another outfit. “How’s this?”

She swept aside the black thing and dropped a red garment on the bed. This one was made of a sheer filmy fabric that was in the shape of one of Zaahn’s robes. Again it was sleeveless. The only closure appeared to be at the neck, leaving the rest of it free to gape open with the slightest breeze.

Aeryn sighed.

“No, huh?” As Chiana ran outside a third time, Aeryn turned to go to the shower.

“Wait, wait, this is the last one.” Chiana came back in with her arms full. Aeryn paused and watched her dump a pair of leather slacks and a blue shirt on the bed. The slacks looked exactly like the kind Aeryn usually wore. In fact, they looked suspiciously like a pair that Aeryn had misplaced over a cycle ago.

Aeryn picked up the slacks. “Where did you get these?”

“I don’t remember.” Chiana snatched them back and put them on the bed, refusing to meet Aeryn’s eye. “That’s not important now anyway.” She laid them out and arranged the long-sleeved blue shirt on top of them. “How about the shirt?”

Aeryn was ready to dismiss it along with the earlier outfits, but this one was different. It was a shimmery blue material, not too dark and not too light. And the fabric was woven in a lacy pattern that almost looked sheer, but upon closer inspection, Aeryn found that it wasn’t. The neckline scooped down gracefully but not any farther than her other shirts.

“Do you like it?” asked Chiana, breathlessly.

Aeryn nodded, sliding the silky material between her fingers. “It’s nice.”

Chiana tilted her head. “I bet, um, other … people … like it too.”

Aeryn smiled before she could stop herself. When she felt heat rising up her cheeks, she ducked her head, bent over and picked up the discarded garments until her face cooled off.

“Okay,” said Chiana, taking the clothes from Aeryn’s arms. “The place is ready. You shower and change and I’ll go get …” Chiana frowned and paused.

“The package?” supplied Aeryn.

 “Yeah, yeah, the package. Be down there in a quarter arn.”

“All right.”

But as Chiana breezed out of her quarters, Aeryn found her stomach clenching in a case of nerves that caught her by surprise. There was nothing to be nervous about, she told herself as she entered the shower. John should be happy to spend time alone with her, shouldn’t he? He couldn’t possibly have been avoiding her because of any reason other than Scorpius, could he? But as the warm water started washing away the grime, doubt seeped into her mind like a bead of oil, making her wonder just what his reaction to Chiana’s plan would be.

-- cont'd on next reply --

[CrystalMoon]

-- cont'd --

Aeryn stopped just outside the starburst chamber. She started to go in, then decided to wait outside just in case Chiana needed to comm her. She didn’t want to be cut off from all communication in the one place where no one could reach her. If Pilot needed to starburst while she was inside, she’d be incinerated without warning.

So she paced, tapping her pulse pistol with her fingernails, glancing down the hallway and wondering if John was even going to show up. He might be too angry about Chiana. He might think the rendezvous was too risky. He might just not want to come. Or worse yet, Scorpius might be awake and watching him.

After five hundred microts, Aeryn started to wonder if she should just go back to her quarters and get a good night’s sleep. So much for the new shirt and some of Zaahn’s oil in her hair. Aeryn sighed and headed back the way she’d come, ready to spend another frelling night alone.

She’d not gotten more than a few steps before John and Chiana rounded the corner. John was walking very fast, his arms swinging widely, and Chiana had to practically run to keep up. He barely glanced at Aeryn before zooming right past her and into the Starburst Chamber.

“Nice to see you, too,” she muttered. Aeryn’s stomach clenched in anger as she turned on her heel and followed them in.

John stood near the center of the room, his arms crossed and a scowl painted on his face. Chiana was in her most Chiana-esque pose with her arms thrust behind her and her knees bent. She glanced birdlike from John to Aeryn and back again. “Here’s the place,” she said breathlessly. “I – I fixed it up for you.”

Chiana walked to the back of the room and pointed to a mattress lying on the floor, covered in a furry blanket. A bottle and a couple of glasses sat on a nearby crate, sharing space with a tall candle that was giving off an earthy scent, its light flickering against the wall and casting odd shadows. On the floor lay a tray covered in food. And next to the tray were a bunch of things that Aeryn couldn’t identify, nor was she sure she wanted to. That curled up piece of leather was probably a whip. And that long thin object …

“I wasn’t sure what you’re into,” said Chiana, “but I think I made a good start.” She glanced from John to Aeryn.

John didn’t say a word, so Aeryn forced herself to smile. “Thank you, Chia—“

“And you’re certain no one else knows about this?” said John, interrupting her. He started chewing on the side of his thumb.

Aeryn glared at him.

Chiana shook her head. “How many times do I have to tell you, Crichton? No one else knows. Just me. Well, and Pilot, too, of course. No one else. Just me and Pilot.”

“Pilot knows!?”

“I had to give him a reason for not starbursting while you’re in here, didn’t I? Or would you rather fry to a crisp?”

“Pilot wouldn’t say anything,” said Aeryn, scowling at John.

“Yeah,” said Chiana, “if you can’t trust Pilot, who can you trust?”

“We can trust Pilot,” said Aeryn, still scowling and waiting for John to see reason.

John nodded curtly. “I guess you’re right.”

“Of course we’re right,” said Chiana.

The three of them stood there as the silence stretched uncomfortably between them. Finally, Chiana nodded first to John and then to Aeryn. “Well, I think I should leave you two alone now.”

When John didn’t even glace at her, Chiana frowned. On the way out, she paused to lean close to Aeryn’s ear. “Good luck,” she whispered. “You’re going to need it.”

Aeryn didn’t say anything, but she’d take all the luck she could get at this point.

When Chiana got to the door, she paused. “Oh, and Pilot says you have four arns. He doesn’t want Moya to not be able to starburst any longer than that.” She closed the door behind her.

The room was very quiet. Aeryn turned to John. He was still chewing on his thumb, arms crossed and his brow furrowed in a scowl. Time seemed to crawl by as neither of them said anything. With John in his present mood, Aeryn refused to be the first to talk.

Finally, he turned to her. “I thought we said we were going to keep this secret.”

“We did,” said Aeryn. “but Chiana guessed. She was going to tell D’Argo. Probably would’ve told the whole ship if I hadn’t stopped her. You know how she is.”

“Yeah, I think I have a good idea how she is, which is exactly why she shouldn’t know.”

“Well, what would you have liked for me to do?”

“I don’t know.” John began pacing in front of the door. “This whole thing could blow up in our faces. All it takes is one slip up and Scorpius is on me like white on rice. And then she brings all this stuff down here.” He waved a hand toward the bed in the corner. “Anyone could’ve seen her carrying all this. What would Scorpius think?”

“This is Chiana we’re talking about. He’d probably think she wanted to frell someone in the hallway.”

John snorted as he continued pacing. “Good point. Are you sure she won’t tell anyone else?”

Aeryn shrugged. “She understands the seriousness of the situation. She knows this isn’t something to gossip about. And may I also remind you that she’s our friend and trusts Scorpius about as much as we do.”

John rubbed the back of his head until his hair stood straight out. “Aaah, I hate this. So many things can go wrong. I never should’ve stopped –“

Aeryn felt her breath catch in the back of her throat. “What?”

John just kept pacing. “Nothing.”

“No, you said, ‘I never should’ve stopped.’ Never should’ve stopped what?”

“Nothing. I never should’ve stopped nothing. Okay?”

Aeryn knew he’d been about to say “lakka” but she let it drop, not wanting to spend their entire four arns fighting. “Fine.” She wandered over to the crate and picked up the bottle. It was raslak and if there was one thing Aeryn could use right now, it was a drink. She filled the glasses and carried one over to John.

As she handed it to him, he glanced at her abdomen and then back up to her face in surprise. “Should you be drinking while you’re …?”

“It’s all right. The baby is protected while it’s in stasis.”

“Oh.” John took the glass and studied the clear liquid, swirling it around, seemingly lost in thought.

Aeryn took a sip and then gulped down half the glass, enjoying the way it burned as it slid down her throat. A moment later, warmth spread outward from her stomach and she felt lightheaded. Aeryn made her way over to the food and grabbed a piece of yorro, remembering that she hadn’t eaten much today, and she probably shouldn’t be drinking on an empty stomach. The sweet fruit was juicy and delicious and she had to be careful not to get juice down the front of her new shirt. As she ate, John continued to stare at his glass, not drinking.

Oh, this is ridiculous, thought Aeryn, as she licked the last bit of juice from her fingers. She marched over to John and grabbed him by the elbow. “Come on.”

“Huh?”

She pulled him to the mattress. “Sit.” Then she pushed on his shoulders until he did so. But he didn’t relax. He just sat on the edge as if he needed to be ready to spring up at a moment’s notice, his shoulders hunched up and tense.

Aeryn placed a hand on her hip and regarded him. “What’s wrong?”

He hesitated then shook his head. “Nothing.”

“That was convincing.”

John shrugged and finally sipped his drink. “I’m just worried. That’s all. Scorpius, wormholes, Grayza. You.”

Aeryn sank down next to him on the mattress. “Me?”

“Yeah, you.” John looked at her sideways, the corner of his lip quirked in a smile. “I’m always worried about you. It’s a hobby of mine.”

“You worry too much.”

“I’m good at it.”

Aeryn sighed. She reached over and smoothed the hair on the back of his head, letting her fingers linger on his neck. John leaned over and kissed her, his lips soft and undemanding. As he pulled back, he rubbed her cheek with his own. “Hi,” he said quietly.

“Hi.”

“You smell good.” He peered at her shirt. “Is that new?”

“Mm hmm.”

“It’s nice. Looks see-through.” He fingered the material at her neckline. “But I guess it’s not. Damn.”

Aeryn leaned forward for another kiss. The fellip nectar was relaxing her, so she kept her pace slow and languorous, getting to know John’s lips all over again and pushing all the recent uncertainties from her mind. It’d been two weekens since their last kiss and about six monens before that. As he opened his mouth, letting their tongues get to know each other again too, his fingers moved slowly across her collar bone and around her ear to entwine themselves in her hair. The warmth of his touch brought out cold bumps along her arms.

“I’ve missed you,” she breathed between kisses. She pushed her hand up his sleeve to feel the bare skin of his shoulder. She’d almost forgotten how good his shoulders felt, all hard and muscular, how smooth the skin was.

John moved his lips across her throat. Aeryn wanted to moan it felt so good.

“I’ve … missed you too,” he said with about as much conviction as Rygel trying to apologize after he’d been caught hoarding food.

Aeryn felt a lump settle in the pit of her stomach. She opened her eyes and pulled her head away from John. When he leaned after her, she put a hand on his chest and pushed him back.

“What’s the matter?” John blinked and looked around.

“What did you just say?”

“When?”

“Just now. What did you say?”

“I said I missed you.” He smiled and tried to lean in for another kiss, but Aeryn pushed him away again. “Hey,” he protested. “What’s up?”

“Why don’t you tell me?” Aeryn stood. She downed the rest of her glass and stared at him, the fellip nectar burning a path down her throat, a perfect match for what she was feeling. 

“I thought we talked about this already.” John frowned and tilted his head up at her. His mouth opened and closed a couple of times. “Aeryn, honey, are you okay? Because you already know about Scorpius and –“

“I don’t frelling care about Scorpius.” Aeryn slammed her glass on the crate. “I want to know what is going on with you. Why are you avoiding me?”

“I’m not avoiding you.” He shook his head, giving her a look like she was crazy.

“Then why has it been two weekens since we’ve been alone?”

“Because there hasn’t been a good time. Scorpius and Sikozu have been double teaming me. You know this.”

“You’re telling me we couldn’t even talk for an arn this entire time?”

“Yeah, that’s what I’m telling you.”

“Well, I don’t buy it.”

“Well, it’s the truth.”

“If that’s the case, then why wouldn’t you talk about this on Earth while Scorpius was on the other side of a wormhole?”

“What’s with the twenty questions? In case you didn’t notice, I was kind of worried about other things when we were on Earth.”

“You didn’t seem very worried about Caroline.”

“Oh, so that’s what this is about.” John jabbed a finger in her direction. “You’re jealous.”

“No, I’m not.” Aeryn took a deep breath. She grabbed the bottle of raslak and poured herself another drink. “I’m not jealous. Not anymore. I’m … I’m mad.”

“No kidding.”

Aeryn took a deep breath, trying to put all those doubts that had been bothering her lately into focus. “When Chiana guessed about us, she said that she and D’Argo had a bet going on. And the bet was whether or not you’d forgiven me.”

John ran his finger along the edge of his glass and looked away, his jaw tight.

“So that’s it,” said Aeryn. “You haven’t forgiven me.”

“That’s not it,” said John, but he still wouldn’t look at her.

Aeryn suddenly felt very tired, like she was in the middle of a training exercise where the goal kept getting farther and farther away the more she did.

“Well, maybe I haven’t forgiven you, either,” she said.

“What?”

“You spent the last four monens trying to sabotage our relationship. Don’t keep telling me it was only because of Scorpius.”

John jumped up. “You’re crazy.”

But as he took a step toward her, he lifted off the ground like a balloon. “What the hell?” Then he gave her a startled look and began pin wheeling his arms as if he were trying not to fall. Instead of falling, he kept going up and up, slowly rotating front over back as if he were on a spit being roasted. “Aeryn!” he called in panic.



Aeryn tried to reach for him, but he’d already gotten too high. Then she noticed her own feet had left the ground, too. “It’s the frelling gravity bladders,” she said.

“I thought you fixed those.” John was now spinning out of the room and into the shaft that led up to Pilot.

“I did.” Aeryn’s hair drifted in front of her face and her arms didn’t want to stay at her sides. A formless blob of raslak bobbed a short distance away, having floated right out of her glass. Now it was being pushed along by an air current, slowly separating into distinct bubbles. Aeryn released her glass and watched it hover next to her.

“I could use some help here,” said John, frantically trying to stop his upward movement by waving his arms and legs like a madman. He let go of his own glass and it flew into the side of the shaft and shattered.

“Stop wriggling,” said Aeryn. “You’re only making it worse. And be careful of the glass shards. I’ll come get you.”

“Right, I know that.” John stilled his arms and legs, but his he continued to drift upward and his body kept spinning. Right now he was upside down, drifting past tier 2. “I know how to handle myself in zero-g. But who would’ve thought you’d start floating in the middle of a fight with your girlfriend? When you’re indoors you expect certain things. Air, warmth, gravity, food, a soft bed, a good book to read, gravity …”

Aeryn ignored his babbling as she eyed his trajectory. He was on tier 3 and heading up to tier 4, nowhere near the sides of the shaft. She would have to push herself toward him, grab John and then latch onto the side of the shaft without bouncing off it like a ball. If they started ricocheting back and forth, the trip to the top would be very unpleasant.

“Hey, Aeryn,” called John, “if you’re gonna do something, you should probably do it soon. Pilot probably has some DRDs working on the problem right now.”

And they were cut off from the comms in the starburst chamber. Aeryn refused to think about the long fall down if gravity was restored too early. She just needed something to help her. As she glanced around the chamber, she spied Chiana’s whip. Very slowly, Aeryn maneuvered herself so she was floating head-down near the ground. Using the friction of her fingertips on the slick floor, she pulled herself toward the whip.

“Aeryn?” called John, sounding very far away.

 “I’m coming,” she yelled over her shoulder. “Get ready.”

Aeryn grabbed the whip. Then she twisted her body around so she was pointed in John’s general direction, her hair flying into her face with the momentum of the move. He was already at tier six, so Aeryn didn’t waste anymore time. She took a deep breath and pushed off with her toes, aiming for where she expected him to be by the time she got near him and not where he was now. She hadn’t done null-gravity exercises in several cycles, but luckily the feel of it came back as if she’d done it yesterday. And if she’d timed her passage correctly, she and John should not miss each other.

On the way up, Aeryn made minute adjustments by moving her arms and legs, always keeping John in sight. The whip drifted behind her, blown back by the wind of her passage. As she soared up past tiers two, three, and four, she noticed John had spread his arms and legs to slow his spin. It also managed to slow his ascent as well, giving him some wind resistance. Good job, she thought.

At tier 10, she’d almost caught up with him. “Hold on,” she said.

“To what?” said John, twisting his neck around to see her.

“To this.” Aeryn ran into him just as his feet rotated in her direction. She grabbed hold of his left leg, clutching it in one arm, his shoe just under her chin.

“Whoa,” said John as the force of Aeryn’s collision spun them in a rollicking motion straight into the shaft wall.

“Look for something to grab onto,” called Aeryn as she glimpsed the myriad of tubes and conduits that lined the shaft, hoping to avoid the slick areas of Leviathan growth rings in between tiers. But it was virtually impossible to see anything for more than a microt with the way they were spinning.

“Incoming,” yelled John. Aeryn heard him grunt as he collided with the wall. A microt later, Aeryn ran into the same wall with her back while she was upside down. The impact knocked the wind out of her and jammed John’s foot into her chin, causing her to bite down hard on her tongue. Tears sprang to her eyes as Aeryn fought to catch her breath. She didn’t try to grab anything until it was too late.

“Crap,” said John. Out of the corner of her eyes, she saw him reach for a support bar, but his hand just missed. Then they were careening up and across to the other side of the shaft.

“Let’s not do this again,” said John.

“Definitely. Can you see anything?” They were still rollicking and spinning like a transport pod with a damaged engine. And they were up to tier 11 now.

“No, can you?”

“Nothing.”

“Maybe we should separate.”

“We are not separating. Why do you always want to separate?”

“Geez, woman! I do not want to separate. It just might be easier to grab onto the wall without being a part of this giant mass that we’ve become.”

“I don’t want things to be easier. I want us to be together.” As the wall approached, Aeryn brought the whip up and looped it around itself, trying to figure out if there was a way to thread it around one of the conduits. But before she could work out a plan, she hit the wall with her shoulder and then her face, splitting her lip. Aeryn tasted blood and the whip unfurled behind her.

“Look out,” she called, as her momentum and her fierce grip on John’s leg slammed him against the wall.

She heard a loud thump closely followed by a yelp from John.

“I’m okay, I’m okay,” he said. “Just my head.”

Aeryn winced in sympathy, noticing that they were now headed to tier 12. The starburst chamber was a long way down. Aeryn prayed that Pilot would not restore gravity without checking on their status first.

“Hey, what’s that?” said John. He twisted his body, craning his neck to look at her. His movement caused them to start gyrating in a slightly different direction, but still straight for the other side of the shaft.

“It’s Chiana’s whip,” called Aeryn.

“You have a whip and you didn’t tell me?” John thrust his hand toward her. “Hand it over.”

“Why?”

“Have you watched Indiana Jones twelve times in a row? No? I didn’t think so. Hand it over.”

Aeryn shrugged. She couldn’t quite reach his hand, so she swung the whip toward him. Because of their spinning, the whip hit John’s arm with much more force than she’d intended, curling around it like a snake.

“Ow,” said John as he unwound the whip and pulled it toward him.

“Sorry.” Aeryn looked up in time to glimpse the wall before their spin stole it from view. “We’re five denches away,” she said. “I hope you know what you’re doing.”

“Me too,” John muttered.

As the wall zoomed toward them, Aeryn heard a whistle and then a loud crack. Suddenly, their direction changed. Instead of heading straight into the wall, they were swinging sideways into it. John hit first with a loud thump that sounded like his shoulder and rear end. Then Aeryn hit along her right side, adding more bruises to the earlier ones. She clung to John’s leg as they bounced away from the wall. But instead of flying across to the other side of the shaft, they swung on the end of the whip and hit the same wall again, but with a smaller force. After another couple of bounces on the end of the whip, they finally slowed down enough to just drift, swaying, from the end of the whip.

“Not bad, huh?” said John, breathing hard. “You okay?”

Aeryn was out of breath too. She took stock of her body but couldn’t find anything broken, just plenty of bruises. Still she knew she’d be in a lot of pain later on. “I survived. You.”

“I’m fine, but why does everything have to hurt so much?”

“It’s fate,” said Aeryn.

John grunted. He gently tugged on the whip so they’d very slowly and carefully drift to the side of the shaft. Once there, Aeryn let go of his leg to grab onto a support bar. John grabbed onto another bar. The two of them stared at each other as they caught their breaths. John had a gash on his cheek that had left a trail of blood down to his shirt. A few smalls bubble floated away from him. His face was covered in perspiration.

Aeryn’s lip throbbed and her hair drifted around her like it had a mind of its own. She wanted to hug John until her arms ached, but stopped herself in light of their recent argument. John seemed to want to do something too. He kept frowning and biting his lip as he looked her up and down. Finally, he reached across and wiped some blood off her chin with his thumb. Then he stroked the side of her face. Aeryn closed her eyes and leaned into his hand and they remained that way for much longer than they should have, considering the state of gravity on Moya.

Aeryn finally pulled away, trying not to think about how cold her cheek felt without John’s hand. She glanced around until she found the tier 13 access port just over their heads. Then she headed toward the port and turned the handle. A moment later, they were both in Moya’s hallway.

-- cont'd on next reply --

[CrystalMoon]

Immediately, their comms sprang to life.

“How am I supposed to sleep with all my jewels flying around? I want someone down here right away.”

“Your jewels are the least of our problems, and if I come to your quarter it will be to jam some of those jewels down your throat.”

“Yeah, either help or shut up, feck-face.”

“D’Argo, that will not help. You need to connect the wires, not disconnect them. You’re only making things worse. Here, let me.”

“Move your fingers or I will cut them off myself and I guarantee they will not be reattached.”

“Has anyone seen Crichton or Aeryn? I’m afraid neither one is in their quarters.”

“Pilot, try locating Crichton and Officer Sun once again. Their comms do not appear to be working.

Aeryn glanced at John who was giving her a sardonic look. He squeezed her shoulder. “Back to the rat race,” he whispered.

“Hey, heavy D, how’s it going?”

There was a long pause. “John,” said D’Argo, clearly relieved. “Where have you been?”

“I was in the starburst chamber doing some work for Pilot. Had a heck of a time getting out.”

“Is Aeryn with you?”

John glanced at Aeryn and shook his head. “Nope, haven’t seen her.”

“I’m here,” said Aeryn. She then fabricated a lie about how she’d been knocked out from the sudden absence of gravity and had just now come to.

As John nodded his approval at their deception, Aeryn closed her eyes, once again feeling like she was in that training exercise where the goal kept getting farther and farther away.

“Well, both of you come down here and help me,” said D’Argo. “These gravity bladders are completely frelled.”

“On my way,” said John.

The two of them propelled their way to tier 23 by kicking off Moya’s ribs and floating down the halls. When they arrived, John went first while Aeryn waited a few hundred microts so no one would suspect that they were together. Finally, she pulled herself around the corner to the gravity bladders, finding the controlled chaos so typical of a disaster aboard Moya.

D’Argo was floating half out of the narrow tunnel leading to the control panels of the gravity bladders, the same one Aeryn had spent so much time in earlier in the day. His tenkas and his loose night clothes floated around him, making him appear even larger than usual. Chiana hovered upside down outside the tunnel, poking around various pieces of equipment that were part of the bladders. They floated in a group, tied off with a length of cable. She wore night clothes as well, covered by a robe belted at her waist that she kept trying to close without too much success. Crichton was hovering next to Scorpius, and the two of them were eyeing each other as if trying to decide if the other one was responsible for the problem.

“Are you farbot?” came D’Argo’s voice from inside the tunnel. “We already tested that circuit. Try the next one.”

“No.” Sikozu squeezed feet-first past D’Argo. “If you’re so smart, be my guest and attend to our problem yourself. Please feel free to ignore my extensive Leviathan training.”

D’Argo growled at her.

“She’s got a point,” said John.

D’Argo growled again.

Chiana spun gracefully and swam toward the tunnel. “I’ll take a look.” But D’Argo hauled her back by the tie of her robe, which sent Chiana flying down the hallway. She laughed and pirouetted, half-heartedly holding her robe together. Aeryn just rolled her eyes.

“You do not know what you are looking at,” he called after her.

“If I may make a suggestion,” said Scorpius, “it might help to—“

Before he could finish, D’Argo and John yelled, “No!”

“D’Argo,” said Aeryn, trying to stay focused on the problem. “What happened?”

D’Argo sighed and wiped the back of an oil-covered hand across his brow. “Pilot’s not sure. He didn’t detect any abnormalities, and everything was working properly before the problem occurred.”

At this, John poked his head in the tunnel and made a couple of suggestions, both of which D’Argo said he and Sikozu had already considered. Aeryn only half listened to their discussion. She felt like she’d done this exact same job earlier in the day. The last thing she wanted to do was spend more time on the gravity bladders and it annoyed her no end that her repairs hadn’t solved the problem. No, she wasn’t a tech, but she’d been proud of how much tech work she learned to do over the last few cycles, including the work earlier in the day.

Suddenly Rygel zoomed down the hall, vainly trying to fly his sled right-side-up. With the lack of gravity, he could only manage sideways. “What did you do?” he demanded, coming straight for Aeryn. “You were working on these last.”

Aeryn twisted aside as Rygel’s sled flew past her. “Watch it!” she said, scowling, slapping her hand on the ceiling to stop her spin. “I didn’t do anything. In fact, I’m the only one who tried to fix the problem in the first place.”

“Well, you obviously didn’t fix it. You should’ve had Crichton help you. At least he understands this stuff.” Rygel fiddled with the controls as he tried to right himself, but managed to do nothing but slide closer to being upside down completely. “Can someone help me with this frelling thing?”

“Hold on, Sparky.” John swam over, braced his feet against one of Moya’s ribs, and pulled Rygel to a vertical position. “Now, don’t move.”

Just then, Noranti floated into the area, her long skirt billowing out around her and looking completely comfortable tilted at a dramatic angle. “Oh my, so this is where everyone disappeared to,” she said, blowing a strand gray hair out of her face. “How festive. We should have a party.”

“Yeah, we can pull up sleeping bags and paint our toenails,” said John. “Better yet, let’s make smores.”

“Smores,” said Noranti, her third lighting up blue with pleasure. “Are those a confection? What a good idea. I only brought a general restorative. It’s a bit sweet because I put in a pinch of grelber fibers, which as you all know can make the most excellent liqueur when distilled. These, however, are not a liqueur.” She pulled a handful of red berry-like candies from her pocket. “Now, I want all of you to take one. It will keep you alert and reduce nausea from floating.”

Aeryn noticed the disgusted looks from her crewmates, which summed up exactly what she thought of Noranti’s “restorative” too. In particular, John, Chiana, Rygel, and D’Argo were exchanging glances that told her they’d experienced Noranti’s restorative as least one other time, and from the looks on their faces, without good results. Sikozu just shook her head and said, “Ugh.”

Aeryn sighed and pushed away Noranti’s outstretched hand. “Pilot,” she called, “how are you faring during all this?”

“My symbiotic relationship to Moya prevents me from leaving my area,” he said. “However, the lack of gravity is a bit uncomfortable for Moya and me. We will be grateful if gravity is restored as soon as possible.”

“How are the DRDs?” said Aeryn.

“They have a magnetic core, which enables them to travel all over Moya. The lack of gravity doesn’t seem to be affecting them.” With that, two DRD’s wheeled into the area to disappear down the tunnel.

John turned to the group. “Okay, what’s next? We need to fix this thing and it’ll probably take awhile. And I don’t think we’re going to need everyone here to do that.”

“Right,” said D’Argo, “John, Sikozu, Aeryn, and I will work on the problem. The rest of you, return to your quarters. You are in the way.”

“Good idea,” said Chiana, tugging her robe closed as she floated onto her side. “Some of us might as well get some sleep.”

“Well, this problem better be fixed by morning,” said Rygel, wasting no time to power himself out of the room.

“Call me if you need more restorative,” said Noranti as she drifted away, yawning. “I shall enjoy sleeping on the ceiling tonight.”

“Hey, guys,” yelled John, “better strap yourselves to your beds. Otherwise, it’ll be a hell of a wake up call when we get this thing fixed.”

“Yotz,” mumbled Rygel faintly, “none of my possessions better be damaged or someone will …” His voice faded away as he turned a corner.

Scorpius was the last to leave. He seemed to be debating whether or not to say anything, as he gazed steadily at John, who was looking everywhere but at him. Then Scorpius nodded, a small smile playing on his face, and pulled himself down the hall. Aeryn balled her fists and resisted an urge to follow him and smack his smile right off his face.

As the area cleared out, Aeryn pushed herself toward D’Argo, John, and Sikozu, ready to tackle the gravity problem one more time. When she got there, she noticed John staring at her, stroking his bottom lip with his thumb.

“I don’t think Aeryn needs to stay, do you?” he said to D’Argo. “She did all that work earlier. Plus, she got knocked out and probably has a hell of a headache now.” He met her eye. “Right?”

Aeryn scowled as both D’Argo and Sikozu focused on her. “John’s right,” said D’Argo. “You look like dren. Go to bed.” Then he glanced at John. “What happened to you? You look worse than Aeryn. Like you were in a brawl. Go, go. Do something for those bruises.” He made shooing motions toward John and then did the same toward Aeryn.

“No, that’s okay. I can help out.” John touched the gash on his cheek and winced. “Just a flesh wound,” he muttered.

“Ah, I do not want to look at that. Go now before I tongue you both.” D’Argo gave John a shove, sending him flying across to Aeryn.

Aeryn caught John’s arm and helped him stop before they slammed into another wall. “Are you sure you can handle this without us?” she asked.

“Of course,” said Sikozu, rolling her eyes. “You would have just gotten in the way.” With that, she launched herself back into the tunnel. “Are you ready to cooperate this time, D’Argo, or will I have to do this alone?”

As D’Argo began arguing with her, John tugged on Aeryn’s arm, nodding back the way the rest of the crew had gone. “We’re not wanted,” he said with a smile.

Aeryn was more than happy to leave this problem to the others. As she floated down the hallway with John, she wanted nothing more than a good night’s sleep and an end to a thoroughly horrible day.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” asked John after they’d been traveling in silence for most of the tier.

Aeryn touched her lip gingerly. It was definitely swollen but nothing she hadn’t handled before. The rest of her injuries would heal in time. “I’ll be fine. Let me see your face.”
She grabbed John’s arm, forcing him to turn toward her, stopping their momentum by latching onto a rib. Then she cupped his chin with one hand while she gently touched the gash with the other. “This doesn’t look too bad. Just clean it out and put on some medicine. Noranti should have a bandage for this.” She couldn’t resist running her hand across his jaw, combing her fingers through his short hair as if they had a mind of their own.

John licked his lips and leaned his head against her hand, his eyes half-lidded. “Okay,” he said, barely more than a whisper. “Sorry,” he added. He raised his eyes to meet Aeryn’s as if imparting a secret significance to the word.

Aeryn pulled her hands away, watching John lean toward her as if to follow them with his chin. She wasn’t sure how to respond. Was he sorry for the fight? Sorry that they’d gotten banged up in the shaft leading to Pilot’s chamber? Sorry for barely speaking to her lately? Sorry for using the lakka? Sorry for dying? Sorry for coming through the wormhole in the first place? What?

She shook her head, unable to say any of that in their comms-monitored paranoia and confused about how to deal with this situation, so different from everything in her experience. Relationships were either furtive and quick, a sweat-filled release of stress, no talking involved and certainly no plans for the next night, let alone three weekens in the future. Or they were like her relationship on Talyn – languid nights melting into days of being with another person, tuning your body to his, learning another language for just the two of you. Plans weren’t made, not because you didn’t want to, but because the relationship existed in the here and now and forever and where the thought of not being with the other person never entered your mind.

Trying to be with John now was another category altogether. It was like trying to solve a tech problem meant to trick recruits, to weed out the ones not sharp enough to realize there wasn’t a right answer. Aeryn had never been good at tech problems.

She rubbed her temples with both hands, way too tired to do more tonight. “Tomorrow,” she said, glancing at him, “I am going to talk to Pilot. Maybe you should come too. That is if you’d like to talk … to him.”

John tilted his head and squinted at her. He blinked. His lips parted a bit before he said uncertainly, “Tomorrow. Talk to Pilot.”

“Yes, I need to talk to Pilot … about a lot of things.”

John nodded slowly. “Okay. Yeah, that sounds good.” A look of worry passed across his face, but he smoothed it away so fast that Aeryn wasn’t sure she’d seen it.

“Good,” she said. Then she turned and pushed off, propelling herself down the hall to her quarters. John followed suit, and they traveled in silence the rest of the way. When it came time to part, Aeryn glanced over her shoulder. John was staring at her with such stark longing on his face that her breath caught in her chest. She hadn’t seen this look on this John, only on the other one, and had often wondered if he possessed the same depth of feeling. To find out that he did, made his behavior all the more puzzling.

Aeryn resisted the urge to go to him. She forced herself to breath normally, to wave goodnight and turn back to her quarters. Not in the hallway, she told herself. Not where Scorpius could stumble on them. Not when things were so uncertain. After waving her hand across the sensor, she looked back at John one more time, but he’d already gotten to his door and was letting himself inside.

Tomorrow, she told herself as she did the same. Tomorrow, they’d talk.

#

Aeryn paced in front of Pilot’s console, running her fingernails against the wavy surface so they made a clicking sound that soothed her nerves. After a full day of clean up, Moya was almost back to normal, and once again, Aeryn felt exhausted, but not enough to postpone her talk with Crichton. No, if anything, she was more anxious than ever to get it over with.

All day long, as she’d straightened her quarters, scraped crusty stew off the ceiling in the center chamber, picked bits of shattered glass out of the sink, righted overturned chairs, and helped D’Argo set Lola back to how she should be – amid much cursing and a temper barely held in check – Aeryn had thought about her coming talk. She’d avoided John’s eyes like they were twin novas, ready to burn her retinas at the slightest glance. She’d barely spoken to him as well, afraid to give away their ruse. 

Now she waited, no closer to knowing what to do when he got here than she had been at the beginning of the day. She felt like she were following one of John’s plans, which always involved so much improvisation that calling them “plans” was the utmost in generosity. So instead of being battle-ready as she’d hoped, she was completely not ready. She felt as if she were planet side without her pulse pistol, backup gun, or her knife. Frell it, she might as well be wearing a dress and standing next to a wanted beacon. At least her hair was tied in a sensible braid and she’d foregone the blue shirt of the night before for sturdy leather.

“Pilot,” she said, pausing in front of his station, “are you sure the meeting is on schedule?”

Pilot’s eyes were far away as he pushed a lever on his console. Slowly, he focused on her and dipped his large carapace in her direction. “The meeting,” he said, as if he didn’t like the word, “should begin any moment now.”

Just as Aeryn started pacing again, the hammond-side door opened. John stood in the entrance for a moment, nothing but a dark silhouette against the light of the hallway. Then he came in and shut the door, turning into the lithe human who’d caused so much upheaval in her life. Aeryn’s mouth suddenly went dry while her palms became moist, as if her body parts had gotten mixed up.

“Hi,” she said, nervously smoothing her hair behind her ears. When she realized what she was doing, she forced her arms to her sides.

John strolled up to her, wearing his usual black t-shirt and pants that molded to his body and showed off his muscles in a way that would normally be very distracting. Not today, thought Aeryn, wrenching her eyes back to his face.

“Hi,” he said, stopping in front of Pilot. “Hey, Pilot.”

“Hello, Commander.”

“So you’re cool with all this? You can keep away unwanted listeners, warn us when someone’s coming?”

“Yes, of course,” said Pilot. “I understand the situation completely.”

“And you don’t mind?”

Pilot blinked his liquidy eyes. “Why would I mind? You and Aeryn are friends -- unlike some others on board Moya.”

John lightly tapped the side of the console with the meaty part of his fist. “Thanks, man.”

“You’re welcome, Commander.” Pilot’s eyes lost focus. A moment later, it became clear he was communicating with Moya and had lost interest in their so-called meeting.

Aeryn studied John. The gash on his cheek looked like it was healing nicely, but she noticed a large bruise on his forehead, and another on his left wrist. “How are you feeling?”

John shrugged and then winced. “Like I flew straight into a wall. You?”

The corner of Aeryn’s mouth quirked up in a smile. “The same. Shall we?” She indicated the floor in front of Pilot.

“Okay.”

As the two of them sat down, Aeryn bit back a groan as her bruised right side protested. Then she wiped her palms on the side of her pants, pulled her legs up, and wrapped her arms around them. John sat across from her, leaning on one arm, his other arm resting on his knee as he rubbed his lips with his forefinger, eyes darting from her face to the floor and then out to the rest of the chamber.

“So,” he said, “you wanted to talk.”

Aeryn nodded. “Yes.”

John continued to glance around, waiting.

Aeryn licked her lips. “Is, is there anything you’d like to say first?”

John gave her a look that said she might have space madness. “It’s your powwow, Aeryn.”

“Whatever the frell that is,” she mumbled. Then she tightened her grip on her knees and decided it was time to go on the offensive.

“Do you love me?” she asked.

“Wha—“ John shifted, frowning. “Of course. You know that.”

“Do you want us to be together?”

John’s frown deepened. “Yeah, I want it more than anything, but you know we can’t, not while Scorpius is on –“

“Frell Scorpius.”

“What?”

“I said, ‘frell Scorpius.’”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“It means, quit bringing up Scorpius as some sort of excuse. Something is going on between us and if you can’t see it, then maybe you don’t care to look closely enough.”

John stared out over ledge next to where they sat. “I can see it.”

Aeryn didn’t know whether to be happy or not with his admission. “Now what?”

“You tell me.” John still refused to look at her. “Maybe there’s a group of ex-peacekeepers you can ask.”

Aeryn sucked in her breath. “Frell you,” she said. “You don’t know anything about that time of my life.”

John turned to look at her. “No, I don’t.”

Aeryn jumped up. She placed a hand on Pilot’s console, to steady herself, suddenly feeling trapped by her own meeting. When she glanced at Pilot, she found him watching her with his round, gentle eyes, the largest she’d ever seen in a pilot. Then she experienced that odd connection that sometimes happened between the two of them, the one that made her feel a part of Moya, as if her nerves extended into the ship. And for a moment, she could sense the flow of amnexus fluid through Moya’s pipes and feel the hum of DRD’s as they scooted down hallways and into tiny access ports, like an itch just under the skin. She could also feel the bond between Pilot and Moya. It was beyond love, beyond friendship, not an awareness of the other person. Rather it was a lack of awareness, a merging so complete that concepts of “me” and “you” lost their meaning.

Pilot reached out and rested a claw on Aeryn’s hand. Aeryn grasped it as her world narrowed back to its usual scope. She lay her cheek on Pilot’s claw for a moment, mourning the loss of the connection.

-- cont'd on next reply --

[CrystalMoon]

-- cont'd --

“When I was away, I missed you and Moya very much,” she told Pilot.

“We missed you too.” Pilot gently removed his claw to press a lever. “Like the commander, Moya and I always wondered about your time away.”

“You did?”

“Yes, you were … different when you came back.”

“I suppose I was,” said Aeryn, as images from those past monens swept through her mind.

Filthy alleys on Reyol filled with the stink of garbage.

Blood steaming in the cold atmosphere of a service asteroid from the entrails of their latest job, a businessman selling arms to the peacekeepers.

The sour breath of a contact whose name she couldn’t remember, pressing his face against hers, groping her breasts before she rammed her knee into his groin.

The slaughter of a family of gornels while they picnicked in the twin suns of desert planet, their yellow blood staining the sand and the tiny replicated gornel – a toy – that the youngest child had carried, laying in two pieces. They were spies, Aeryn remembered, who reported indirectly to Grayza. Still it was hard to forget the children, and Aeryn found it difficult to believe the children couldn’t have been spared, despite evidence to the contrary.

Aeryn shook away the memories with a shudder. She glanced at John. “I can’t say very much. I vowed I would not reveal anything about that time.”

John shook his head and sighed, studying the far wall rather than look at her.

“We would never want you to betray a vow,” said Pilot.

Aeryn nodded. “Thank you.” She sank to a crouch and leaned against Pilot’s console, draping her hands across her legs. It had been long time since she and Pilot had talked, and Aeryn realized with a sharp pang that she missed those long conversations very much. “Well, maybe there are *some* things I can talk about, Pilot.”

John glanced at her in surprise.

“I left Moya,” she said, “because I couldn't bear the thought of losing John again. The other John had died, you see. And when he did, I felt like I should die too, only somehow my body kept going. Imagine losing Moya, Pilot. That's what it was like to lose John."

Pilot shook his head. "I cannot imagine it because I would die." 

"Sometimes I wished I had."

"Aeryn," said John, quietly, "you don't have to do this."

“I do not wish to bring up painful memories,” said Pilot.

”It’s okay. Someone once told me that it helps to talk about these things.” She gave John a small smile, and he gave her one in return, his thumb slowly stroking his bottom lip.  "I wanted to forget John, forget these feelings. I wanted to be a peacekeeper again and put some structure back into my life. I missed rules. I missed laughing with my comrades and their uncomplicated friendships. I missed following orders. I was tired of thinking for myself all the time, making my own decisions. I was tired of feeling.

"My mother told me that I had been born and bred to be a peacekeeper, nothing more, and I believed her. I wanted to believe her. I wanted to go back to how things used to be."

"And did you?" said Pilot.

Aeryn shook her head. "No, we killed people. Sometimes for a good cause, sometimes for money. Much of the time there was no point to it. And I didn't like myself anymore. I didn't like the rules or the so-called friendships. I thought I could forget my life aboard Moya, but I couldn't. I missed everyone -- you, and D'Argo and Chiana and even Rygel. But especially John. I missed him all the time. I kept expecting to hear him laugh at a particularly stupid moment. I'd glance at my comrades, but they never saw the humor the same way he did."

"I am aware of Commander Crichton's jokes," said Pilot, "but I'm not sure I would miss them."

"I heard that," mumbled John from the floor.

Aeryn glanced at him, chuckling. "It's funny what you end up missing. I missed the way he likes to tease Rygel."

John shook his head. “Like shooting fish in a barrel.”

"Is that when you decided to find us?" said Pilot.

"No." Aeryn felt her smile slide away. "I *wanted* to find you, but I also needed to figure out what to do about the baby I'm carrying. John thought I didn’t trust him, but the truth is, I didn’t trust me. What do I know about raising babies, of being a mother? My mother left me in the dormitory. She killed my father to keep me alive. What kind of legacy is that?”

Aeryn pointed a finger at John, who was staring at her intently, his blue eyes practically glowing in the low light. “You are the lucky one, Crichton, with a father and a mother and sisters who love you. I am nothing but a soldier. In my world, babies belong in nurseries, not with their mothers and fathers. Contact is strictly forbidden – and the punishment for disobedience is horrible. I was afraid that if I went to see a surgeon it wouldn’t be to find out the paternity of the baby but to remove it entirely.”

“What stopped you?” said John. He sat very still, as if holding his breath.

“You,” she said. “I knew it would kill you.”

“It probably would’ve.” John looked down, rubbing a spot between his eyes. “Aeryn, I don’t care who the father is. I would love any baby of yours because it’s yours, because I love you.” His voice broke and he paused, clearing his throat. “Are you still afraid?”

“Of what?”

“That you’d have a surgeon remove the baby?”

Aeryn shook her head, vehemently. “No, no, that was before, when I’d first left you and I was so confused and I couldn’t stop hearing my mother’s voice. I want this child. I want it to have a better life than I had. I would never give it up. Never.”

John brushed tears from his eyes and took a couple of deep breaths. Then he scooted next to her and grabbed her hand. “You’ll be a great mom,” he said, pressing his lips against her palm and holding it to his cheek.

“How do you know?” she asked. Her stomach clenched as it always did when she thought of the baby, and she had to fight a desire to run from the room.

John squeezed her hand. “Because I know you. You aren’t just a soldier anymore, Aeryn. And you aren’t your mother. You’re warm and gentle and kind and beautiful. So what if you’re also good with a pulse pistol and can knock out a guy three times your weight with one punch.” He kissed her hand again, suppressing a smile. “You’ll be a good mother because you’ll make sure you are.”

Aeryn felt tears slide down her cheeks. “But what if you’re wrong? What if I harm it without meaning to? What if I’m too cold or unfeeling? Or my discipline is too harsh? Or –“

“Shh, shh. Stop driving yourself crazy.” John slipped his arms around her shoulders and pulled her into a hug, rocking her. His long arms criss-crossed her back in two warm bands. In turn, Aeryn pressed her face into the curve where his neck joined his shoulder, her tears soaking his shirt. Then she wrapped her arms over his shoulders and squeezed him close.

“We’ll be okay,” he said into her hair, his voice gruff. “Didn’t you once say that there wasn’t anything we couldn’t overcome together? We’ll help each other, and we’ll be great parents.”

Aeryn nodded, her throat too tight to speak. She wanted to believe him. She did. But the old fear remained, and she wondered if it would ever go away. All she could do now was hold onto John. And it felt so good to finally be able to just do that, to just hold him. She hadn’t realized how much she’d missed such a simple thing as hugging, and it astounded her that she would. She, who hadn’t hugged anyone in her whole life until she’d met this human.

They sat that way for quite awhile until John pulled back and rubbed her nose with his. Then he kissed her ever so slowly, as if he were savoring her, tasting her. Aeryn felt like she were sinking into him as he ran his fingers across her collarbone to her jaw and cupped the side of her face, stroking the shell of her ear. Aeryn kept one hand on his back while she slid the other into his hair, combing it with her fingers. When John opened his mouth, she did the same, and they began exploring each other’s mouths with their tongues.

“God, I love you,” he said, his breath puffing against her lips.

Aeryn’s felt a warmth spread through her chest as it always did when he said those words, a sense of peacefulness. “I love you too,” she told him.

As John began kissing his way down one side of her neck and up the other, Pilot cleared his throat. “Aeryn, John,” he said timidly, “I don’t wish to interrupt, but I want to inform you that you have been here for just over an arn.”

John groaned. “Damn,” he whispered and gave her a quick kiss. Then he squeezed her shoulder before beginning to untangle himself.

As the two of them separated, Aeryn stretched her muscles, frowning. Something wasn’t right, she thought, flexing her bruised right side. She felt like she’d forgotten something.

Then it occurred to her.

“Wait,” she said, scooting around so she could face him. “We’re not quite done. You need to talk.”

“Me?” John gave her that look that said she was crazy. “What for?”

“Because something is going on with you, and I want to know what it is. Why have you been avoiding me? Talk.”

“Geez, there’s nothing to talk about.” John laughed uneasily, running fingers through his hair. “How many times do we have to go through this? Scorpius -- you know, the skinny, pasty-faced freak who’d like nothing better than to dissect my brain – he’s watching every move I make, listening to all our comms.” He spoke with exaggerated slowness as if her brain were addled.

Aeryn crossed her arms. “Are you done?”

John sighed and rolled his eyes. “Yeah.”

“Then swear to me that nothing else is going on and I’ll never bring it up again.”

“Aeryn, this is crazy.”

“Then swear it.”

John made a show of stretching out his legs and leaning his head back as if looking to the ceiling for guidance in dealing with the unreasonable peacekeeper in front of him. He glanced at her and looked away. “I don’t need to swear anything. It’s all under control.”

“Fine.” Aeryn scrambled to her feet. “Then we don’t need to talk anymore.” She stepped over his knees and headed toward the door.

“Aeryn! Hey, that’s not—“ Aeryn could hear John getting up. A moment later he grabbed her elbow and swung her around. “Okay, okay, you don’t have to run off.”

She waited, jaw thrust forward.

John shifted his weight and stuck a hand in his pocket. “Now, don’t freak out on me, okay? ‘Cause this isn’t what it seems to be.”

Aeryn frowned, still waiting.

John pulled his hand out of his pocket, holding something in his fist. He tapped it with his other hand a couple of times as if still deciding what to do. Then he thrust his fist toward her. She noticed that it trembled slightly. Aeryn opened her hand under his, and finally, he opened his fingers.

Three lakka bulbs felt into her palm. Three frelling lakka bulbs. Aeryn squeezed her hand closed and glared at John.

“It’s Granny,” he said, talking fast. “She keeps leaving them in my quarters. How do I tell her to stop without giving away our whole secret?” Then he reached in his other pocket and brought out three more. “I haven’t used them, not since Earth, so you don’t have to worry about that. I’m clean. I’m good. We’re good.”

Aeryn took the other three bulbs. “Is this all?”

John glanced away, chewing on his lip. Then he reached in the first pocket and pulled out one more. He rolled it between in his forefinger and thumb in a practiced way, eyeing it as if he wanted to keep it. Then he finally shoved it in her hand. “That’s it. I kind of thought it would be a good idea to hang onto one just in case. You know, we might run into Grayza again. Scorpius might start getting suspicious. That sort of thing.”

Aeryn walked to the ledge and dumped the lakka into the abyss.

“I guess not,” said John.

Aeryn wiped her hands on her pants, not wanting any residue on her skin. She could feel the anger simmering in her, making her want to tear Noranti apart limb by limb. But first she had to deal with John.

“Did you really take the lakka just to keep Scorpius confused about us?” she demanded.

John scratched the back of his head and studied the ground. “I guess this is true confessions time, huh?”

“Yes, it is.”

John glanced up. Then he turned away and began walking the length of Pilot’s console. “How’re we doing on time, Pilot?”

Pilot, who had been watching John with interest, blinked and lowered his head as if he were embarrassed to be caught eavesdropping. “Um, well, you and Aeryn have been ‘meeting’ for one point one arns. So far, no one has asked about either of you.”

John nodded and glanced back at Aeryn, who just folded her arms and rested her weight on one hip, waiting.

“Before I answer you,” said John. “I need to explain something, okay?”

Aeryn nodded.

“Remember how I said that when you leave, it’s the in-between I can’t handle?”

Again, Aeryn nodded.

John began pacing in front of Pilot’s console. “Well, last time you left, it was bad. Not only had you left, but D’Argo, Chiana, and Rygel had left too. And then Moya got sucked down a wormhole right in front of my eyes while I was almost out of fuel in my module. I ended up on Elack – she’s this dying Leviathan with a sweetheart of a Pilot who had Alzhiemer’s. Stop me if you’ve heard any of this.”

Aeryn had heard bits and pieces but none of it from John and not all at once, so she shook her head. “Keep going.”

“Okay, so I’m on the dying Leviathan. I can’t go anywhere ‘cause I’ve got no fuel. All that’s left to do is make some wine, teach my pet DRD to play the 1812 Overture, and figure out wormholes. That kept me pretty busy and pretty drunk, but Pilot wasn’t much of a conversationalist – she kept nodding off -- so that left Harvey and you.”

John paused to look at her sideways. Then he resumed pacing, gesturing wildly with his hands. “So sue me! I was lonely and I missed you. You look great in a bikini, by the way, even when you’re pregnant about out to here.” He held his hand out from his stomach to show her.

“Just how drunk were you?” said Aeryn, wondering where this story was going.

“Pretty drunk. But anyway, long story short, Sikozu crashes onto the ship. Chiana and Rygel find us. We find D’Argo and Jool on this weird planet, and then we find Moya. But surprise, surprise, you’re already there.” John stops suddenly. He turns and looks at her with his head tilted, his brows drawn together, thumb stroking his lip. “You were back. I thought I’d have to find you myself, tear the universe apart, look under every pile of crap between here and wherever. And to be honest, deep down, I never thought I’d find you. I thought we’d never see each other again. Ever. I figured we’d pissed in Fate’s pot and it wasn’t too thrilled about it. Which meant …” He paused to look away and clear his throat. “Which meant, there’d be one more kid of mine running around out here that I’d never get to meet.”

For a moment, John’s face contorted as if he were going to cry. Aeryn took a step toward him, but he turned his back on her and crossed his arms.

“I’m sorry,” she said, wishing she could do more, squelching an uncomfortable feeling of guilt that snuck up on her and punched her in the gut. She’d done all she could, she reminded herself fiercely. It hadn’t been easy on her, either.

John nodded and pressed his long fingers to the bridge of his nose. After a few microts, he started pacing again. “But you were back and you weren’t talking and Scorpius was there, watching me, salivating over every wormhole we came across. I kept waiting for him to make his move. I even wondered if he’d put a chip in YOUR head. And before you call me paranoid, this is the same guy who put one in my head and threatened Earth and killed you and chased us all over the frelling universe.” He pointed a finger at her. “This guy tortured Stark for years. Years! Just for kicks and giggles. He’s a sick, sadistic bastard with no conscience at all.”

“I know,” said Aeryn, holding out her hands in a placating gesture. “I know.” She was trying to stop the conversation from sliding back to Scorpius where they always seemed to get suck. “But what does that have to do with ---“

“The lakka? Just getting to that.” John’s pacing became a little faster and more frantic than before. “Everyone thinks Granny’s just this crazy old witch, right? But she’s not. Well, okay, she is most of the time. But sometimes she’s smart. And what she told me was that I was a warrior and that I had to be prepared to fight Scorpy’s war, whether I wanted to or not. She said I needed a clear head and the lakka would help, so I tried it—“

Aeryn shook her head. “I can’t believe you let that woman give you drugs.”

John waved a hand, cutting her off. “I tried it,” he repeated, still pacing, “and it worked. No distractions, no emotions, no Aeryn Sun. I could think clearer than I ever have, even when the wormhole equations are clicking away like there’s no tomorrow. And that’s when I figured out that our dear pal Scorpy had tapped into the comms.

“So the answer is, no, I didn’t just take the lakka to keep Scorpius off balance about us. I took it to have a clear head. And when I said before that I worried about you all the time, I really meant that I’m terrified about you, about everything -- all the freakin’ time. ‘Cause you know what, Aeryn? If I screw up just right, the universe will cease to exist as we know it, thanks to the knowledge in this pathetic little brain.” He tapped his temple hard. “And when I do screw up, you and everyone else will become freaky-deaky shadows of who you are now. Or Earth will be taken over by Scarrens. Or I become a peacekeeper captain. How scary is that?”

Aeryn frowned, concentrating, trying to make sure she understood his rapid-fire words.

John laughed and it had a manic edge. “What’s that you say?” he continued. “You want a scarier ride? Well, step right up, boys and girls, because I also hold the key to intergalactic war and possibly the greatest scientific knowledge of all time as well as the car keys to the fastest taxi straight to Earth’s doorstep. You see, messing up my friends isn’t good enough. I also have the power to destroy billions of people on Earth as well.”

John stopped and leaned against Pilot’s console. He folded his arms. Then he unfolded them and let his hands dangle, clenching and unclenching his fists at his sides. “And on top of all that, I’m supposed to pretend that I don’t care about you when you’re standing a foot in front of me, looking all confused and hurt because I’m not talking to you anymore. And I can’t help wondering when you’ll just get fed up and take off again. ‘Cause if you leave this time …”

He glanced at her quick before looking out across the den. “If you leave again …” His jaw worked back and forth as if he wanted to finish his sentence. Instead, he pivoted on his heel and walked the length of Pilot’s console. When he started talking, it was so low, Aeryn had to strain to hear him. “So that’s why I took the damn lakka,” he said, “and that’s why I don’t tell Granny to throw herself out an airlock. Because I really, really, really, want to keep taking it. Even right now, ESPECIALLY right now. And believe me, life is easier and safer for everyone else if I do.”

He stopped suddenly and let his head drop forward with his arms lax at his sides. His whole body looked deflated and tired, and he just stood there taking deep breaths as if he couldn’t get enough oxygen.

Aeryn walked over and planted her feet directly in front of him. “Why haven’t you told me any of this before?” she demanded.

John snorted and raised his head, a look of disbelief on his face. “You’re asking me why *I* wouldn’t tell you something? That’s rich.”

Aeryn crossed her arms and bit her lip to stop an angry retort from escaping. She shook her head. “Stop it. I just spent an arn talking to you, or don’t you remember that?”

John rolled his head around his neck and then nodded reluctantly.

“Have you talked to D’Argo at least?” she asked. “Or Chiana, or Pilot or even Rygel?”

John shrugged. “Not really.”

“How about your father or sister?”

John shook his head emphatically. “I didn’t want to worry them.”

“So the only person you’ve talked to is the old woman who is supplying you the drugs?” Aeryn looked at him in disbelief.

John shrugged again and let his eyes slide away. “In the end it always comes down to me. Just me. Me and Scorpy. Me and wormholes. Me and Einstein. I can’t afford to rely on anyone else ‘cause you never know the universe is going to smack you on the side of the head and tell you to deal with it.”

“But they’re your friends, your family. Didn’t you tell me a long time ago that someone should be there when you need them?”

“Yeah, until they’re not around anymore,” John mumbled.

Aeryn stared at him, at the defeated posture, the closed-in set to his face, the way his eyes looked everywhere but at her, and she suddenly understood. “They’re not going to leave you. No one is going anywhere.”

“You don’t know that.”

“You’re right.” She nodded and touched his arm, trying to get him to look at her, but he just stared out across the abyss. “Some day, D’Argo and Chiana and the others might leave Moya again. I can’t predict what they’re going to do.” She squeezed his bicep. “But I do know what I’m going to do.”

John finally glanced at her.

“I’m staying with you.”

His face softened for a moment. Then he thrust his jaw forward and folded his arms. “You don’t know that either.”

“Yes, I do. I’m not leaving you again.” Aeryn spoke slowly, staring at him intensely. “I love you.”

John looked doubtful. “That’s what you said last year – right before you left.”

“And I made a mistake.” Aeryn threw her hands up in the air. “Frell, John, if I was going to leave, do you think I would have stuck around while you all but ignored me after I came back? Would I have taught myself your English? Would I have bothered to ask you if I should stay on Earth if I was just going to leave again? Would I be here now, talking to you?”

John frowned. He reached out and lifted a lock of hair from next to her jaw, sliding it between his fingers. “Good point,” he said softly.

“You have to forgive me for leaving you.” Aeryn grabbed his other arm and gave both of them a squeeze. “And trust that I won’t again.”

“I want to, Aeryn.” John flicked a tongue across his lips, suddenly looking vulnerable and young. “I’m scared,” he said in a small voice

“You don’t have to be, not of me. I’m not going anywhere unless you tell me to.” And then she felt her heart skip a beat in case he actually did tell her to do so.

“I would never do that.”

“Good.” She let her breath out in a long sigh. “Good.”

John leaned forward and rested his forehead on hers. With both hands, he smoothed the hair on the sides of her face even though it was bound tight in a braid. Aeryn placed her hands over his and held on.

“We’re quite a pair,” he said after a while.

Aeryn nodded. “We deserve each other.”

John smiled and kissed the tip of her nose, chuckling. “Anyone who deserves me must’ve pissed someone off.”

Aeryn laughed. “Pissed off the whole frelling universe most likely.” Then she grabbed his face in both hands and kissed him long and hard, trying to make it clear exactly how little she cared about the rest of the universe when she had one lone human in her sites. John slid his arms around her waist and pulled her close, kissing her back just as hard.

“Excuse me,” said Pilot, sounding both embarrassed and peeved at the same time. “Commander, Officer Sun.”

John just kept kissing her, so Aeryn pushed against his chest until he broke off, blinking at her in confusion. “Yes, Pilot?” she said.

“I thought I should inform you that you have been here one point five arns.”

By the tone of his voice, it was obvious that Pilot had reached the end of his patience.

John swallowed and took a deep breath, grabbing Aeryn’s hands as he stepped away from her. “Right,” he said, shrugging in her direction and smiling ruefully. “I guess we should get going.”

As John started to release her hands, Aeryn refused to let go. She held on tight and gave his fingers a shake. “What about the lakka?”

John frowned and chewed on his lip, not saying anything.

“It’s time to tell Noranti,” she said, prodding him.

He stared at her for a moment, then he reluctantly nodded.

“I’ll do it if you don’t want to,” she said.

“No, no, it’s better if it comes from me. I just have to figure out a way.”

They held hands for a few more microts, just looking at each other. An arn and a half seemed way too short, all of a sudden, and after all of their talking, neither of them seemed to know what to say now. Finally, Pilot cleared his throat, setting John in motion. He leaned down to give Aeryn a quick kiss. “Love you,” he said. Then he turned and hurried down the center walkway across the den.

“Love you, too,” murmured Aeryn to his back. Then she quelled the quick stab of loss that caused her throat to tighten and tried not to worry about when they’d see each other again.

With a sigh, Aeryn walked to the hammond-side door and waved it open. As she scooted through, she took one step and almost crashed right into Scorpius.

She jumped to the side, arms out, not wanting to even brush the material of his bizarre black outfit. Then she scowled at him for having the gall to lurk right outside the doorway to Pilot’s Den, probably wondering why he hadn’t been able to monitor their comms for the last arn and half. Well, let him wonder.

“Pardon me,” said Scorpius, swiveling to the side and raising an arm to wave her past him, for all the world, looking like he owned the ship and was allowing her free access. Aeryn’s scowled deepened.

“I was just checking –“ he began.

But Aeryn ignored him. She just turned and walked down the hall. “Frell you,” she muttered. She certainly had no desire to converse with the half-breed, the source of so many problems for her and John, and she certainly wasn’t going to “help” him understand why Pilot’s doors had been closed so long.

As she turned the corner, she heard the tap tap of Scorpius’s boots as he entered Pilot’s Den and she had a sudden desire for Pilot to get so fed up with Scorpius that he’d just accidentally push him over the edge. Then she decided that a long fall probably wouldn’t kill him, either, the bastard.

For once she felt just as paranoid as John.



** Two Solar Days Later**


Aeryn pulled out the supposedly useless wire amid a shower of sparks and a jolt of electricity that burned her fingertips. She jerked her hand away, cursing loudly and creatively. Then she hit the fried circuit with her tester, causing more sparks, one of which leapt right onto her hair.

“Pilot,” she growled, patting the ember out before her whole head caught fire. “I thought you said this was dead.” She squatted and blew on her fingertips, trying to cool them off.

“It was supposed to be, Aeryn,” he said, “but there appears to be a problem in the junction. Perhaps you should check that out as well.”

Once again, Aeryn found herself working alone on tech work, this time on a communications circuit on tier 14 that had been acting up for quite a while. “All right, I’ll check it out,” she said, angry at John for avoiding her again so she had to work alone and even more angry at Scorpius for never dying like he should. And on top of that, she was angriest yet at herself for turning down Sikozu when she’d offered to help. Aeryn just didn’t think she could work with the irritating know-it-all for more than a few microts before pulling all of her limbs off one by one and leaving them laying on the floor just out of reach.

“Hey,” said someone just over her right shoulder.

Aeryn whirled around. John was squatting next to her, an impudent grin dimpling his face. His hands were clasped behind his back.

Aeryn craned her neck to see past him. They appeared to be alone, so she frowned and gave him a look that said, “What’s going on?”

John’s grin got even wider. “Pilot said you needed help. How are your fingers?”

“They’re fine,” she said, closing them into her palm.

John reached over and grabbed her hand, forcing it open to look at the red marks on the end of each finger. He quickly glanced over his shoulder at the way he’d come. Then he turned back to her hand. Aeryn stared, open-mouthed as, one by one, he kissed all four of her fingers before gently blowing across each one.

“There,” he said, letting go, “we’ll need to be careful.”

As he met her eyes, Aeryn knew he wasn’t talking about her hand at all. “I agree,” she said. And she could feel a big smile stretching across her face. It felt so good to just be looking at John for a moment without having to pretend she didn’t care, to revel in his uncommonly blue eyes with the dark lashes, his perfect cheekbones and full lips, his short hair so well-suited to his face. There was a time when his handsomeness annoyed her, as if he’d been born that way just to make her life more confusing. But now, it was just John. *Just John,* she thought with a snort, was the understatement of the cycle.

“What?” said John, tilting his head and squinting just a bit.

Now it was her turn to glance up and down the hallway. “Nothing,” she said, laying her palm across his cheek for the quickest microt and touching the gash that was healing nicely. He leaned into it before she took her hand away.

“I talked to Granny,” he said, “everything’s fine.”

Aeryn nodded, pleased. Then she pointed to the smoking conduit. “Pilot says we should check out the junction.”

John broke eye contact, and the two of them turned back to the communications circuit to begin working. Aeryn dropped to her knees, so she could follow the wires back to their junction. As she did, John knelt next to her, his hip touching hers, his shoulder pressed against her shoulder. And whenever he needed to reach for a tool, there just wasn’t enough room to avoid brushing his hand over her arm, across her stomach, and around her back. Sometimes, it was imperative that she lean against him in order to reach a particularly far-away spot.

In the end, the one-arn repair project took just over three arns to complete.

[CrystalMoon]

I loved this more the second time around. Thanks for reposting

I still love this fic. It�s sooo wonderful.