Second Chances

O.K. I wrote this Eon's ago... back after season III when I was in a hormonal fit of ... something. I guess it was a desperate desire to heal the J/A rift coupled with the intense desire to see a shirtless John and fuled by the fact that I had been drinking "Straquilla's" (Strawberry Daqueri's made with Taquilla). This is the result. I let my beta's read it but no one else.

It's short... and completely AU, but I did tweak it so that it fits better with what we saw in both CK and Promises. I guess you could say this is what might have happened if John had caught up with Aeryn while she was still on the run.

So here goes:

Title: Second Chances
Rating: Mild PG for light angst
Time Frame: AU after Season III but with references to CK and Promises

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It would have felt better to hurt someone, but he couldn't so he settled for hurting something instead.

//Left, left, right, feint, right left//

The combinations came easily and that surprised him. He thought he'd forgotten the art of tactical fighting. The practiced grace that was, in a world no longer his, known as boxing.

//float like a butterfly, sting like a bee//

The words of the great one drifted through his head. "Floating" he thought absently as he pummeled the punch bag a few more times, Nah frell that, he'd done enough of that when Moya'd done a runner on him that last time. Floated in space and prayed that the lack of oxygen would put him under before it took him out. Floated alone with nothing but his thoughts and a crazy sycophantic neural clone to keep him company. No, he'd had his fill of floating thank you very much.

Now stinging, that's something he wished he could do. Sting a few things, a few people, make them sit up and take notice. Dish out a little pain. He'd played the nice guy once too often; it's what had gotten him in this mess in the first place. He'd been nice and gone aboard the dying Leviathan Rovu. He'd been nice and not let the other one die when he needed a blood transfusion. He'd been nice and let her go...He'd just been so damn nice.

And what had it gotten him?

Frell all.

So no more being nice. If they ever got out of this frelling mess he was going to do a little stinging instead.

He may have been down, but he wasn't out. John Crichton was back, and ready to kick some ass.

He paused for a microt and stripped off the sweat soaked Black-T. Ordered the computer to lower the temp 2 degrees and missed Moya. She would have known he'd been working out and lowered it herself. And then there would have been Pilot's soothing voice asking if he were O.K.? Did he need anything? And telling him he and Moya were worried about him. He felt his face twist into a grimace of a smile. God sometimes he missed them so much.

And some days he wished that the old Leviathan hadn't saved him at all. Or that Sikozu hadn't barged into his self- indulgent little haze with her superior mind and her cutting tongue. That Rygel and Chi hadn't shown up in time and made him feel again. That he'd let Elack have his hard earned death in the sacred space and he'd taken himself and the frelling mysteries of the universe with him.

He walked over to the equipment table, opened a bottle of water, drank half of it and dumped the rest over his head. The water helped dissipate the sweat covering his body and his stomach muscles contracted slightly in the now lower temperature. He ran a hand across the flat plains absently and this time the smile came without a grimace. Call it Alpha male pride, vanity or whatever the frell you wanted. All those moens alone and lonely had at least paid off in one way.

His body was solid as a rock.

But what else is there to do when your only company is your mind and a few frelling DRD's? You work your mind, pick it clean, figure out wormhole technology, Charid physiology, every other ology you can think of and then when you're done you start on your body.

Cause if you don't...you might go insane. And he didn't want any repeats of THAT particular gig.

Yup, you work your mind... And then you work out. Anything it takes to keep you going.

And that's what he'd done. Push up's and chin up's till he'd had to start wearing a larger size shirt.

Laps around this ships corridors until his legs bulged and his boots didn't fit anymore. Sit ups till his hands felt ridges when he bathed and he wondered if he could play a tune on his gut.

Mary Jane Mendilek had liked buff boys in the 10th grade. Wouldn't go out with young Johnny cause he was strong... But not buff. Well, she'd be beggin for it now, any woman would.

Any woman except...

"Don't go there John-boy," he chastised himself and wondered for the millionth time why he even bothered.

He should forget her, even though she was just five doors down. Even though when they'd finally met up on opposite ends of a fire fight on Altheus Minor a moen ago he'd instinctively gotten in the way of a pulse blast to save her life. Hadn't thought whether she was on the side of God or the Devil, she was in trouble and he reacted, just like he always did. With his heart instead of his head.

He'd lain there on top of her with the light of gunfire all around them and stared at her. And she'd lain there underneath him and stared back. And for the longest time neither of them had said anything.

And then it had been all about getting out of there alive. Her enemies, his enemies, it hadn't mattered. Butch and Sundance had ridden again.

At least for a little while.

When it was over he'd asked her about the baby. At first she hadn't answered him and then she'd just said, "I couldn't ... I just... I... couldn't."

And his heart, what was left of it, died right then.

He'd gotten up and headed west.

"Where are you going?."

"Where I was going when you got here... to find Moya."

"How long has it been?"

"You already know."

"You mean since I...?"

"Yup."

"Oh God."

He'd laughed. "He has very little to do with this."

"How will you find her?."

He'd whirled then furious. Furious at her for what she'd done to him and furious at himself for not hating her for it.

"Don't ask me that, just go. Go back to your fighting unit Aeryn and leave me alone."

She'd actually looked hurt. "Don't."

"Don't? You killed my baby."

She'd taken a step back and her face had gone pale.

"You think I...? I never! I wouldn't! I couldn't... you KNOW THAT!!!!."

And her eyes hadn't lied so when he'd started breathing again he'd asked her, "So where is it?"

She'd looked at the ground. "Later."

And he didn't want to know right then just what that meant so he'd started walking again.

After awhile his head had stopped pounding and he'd heard her footsteps behind him.

"What are you doing?"

"Trying to keep you from being a fool."

He'd laughed. "But you're still here, who's the bigger fool Aeryn? The fool or the fool who follows him?"

"The fool, for not listening to the follower. But I know you won't so I am coming with you."

"Why?"

Her eyes had filled with some emotion he couldn't name.

"Because you flipped the coin, and I said good-bye and yet here I am looking at you again."

He hadn't known what to say to that so he'd just turned and kept going towards the stolen marauder where Sizoku and the others were waiting.

But he hadn't told her to leave again.

He went back over to the punch bag and started again. This time using more than his fists, using arms, legs, shoulders. He pummeled himself into transcendent oblivion, the instinctive play of muscle and sinew relieving the tension in his head.

So it surprised him when his fist met flesh instead.

He looked up and she stared at the bloody knuckles that were cradled in her hand.

"You're making hamburglers there."

He winced, the words were familiar. Maybe he'd said them himself at some point in the past. "No that's the dude that stole things."

"What?"

"Nothing." He pulled his hand gently from hers.

He went to the table to get some antiseptic and steri-seal.

He heard her steps as she walked up behind him. Felt her fingers as they traced the line of his skin up his back, across his shoulders, down his arms. Smelled her scent as she leaned her forehead against the hollow just below his neck. Shivered as her arms encircled his waist and the soft firmness of her chest pressed against his back.

"What are you doing?"

When she spoke it was barely above a whisper. "Indulging myself."

He stiffened. "Don't, I'm not him."

She released him but did not let him go, turned him towards her and rested her palms in his own.

"I know that."

He wanted to run but he kept remembering the taste of her mouth and it kept him frozen in place.

"Don't do this we've both come to far for that."

She nodded, "What we had is gone, you're right."

He closed his eyes and could feel the sweat sliding off him in rivulets like tears. Like his body was crying.

"Then why are you here?"

"Because we need to talk."

"I think you've just said all there is to say."

Her nose traced a path up his neck and under his chin.

"Not by a long shot."

"Aeryn..."

"We need to talk John. There are things I have to say."

"And why would I want to hear them?"

"Because you are human, because you are John Crichton, because you know it is the only way."

"Way to what?"

"What we had on Moya is gone, as it should be. There was too much pain there in the end. But while I was gone couldn't forget you. I did think of you."

He kept his mouth closed for as long as he could. He told himself he should run, push her away, do something. She couldn't do this, he couldn't do it. Who's the bigger fool, the fool or the fool who always gives in?

But he asked anyway.

"How often?"

"Every time I breathed."

He opened his eyes, saw... A future in hers. He wasn't sure it was a future where he wanted to be.

"We can't."

She nodded. "I know that. I'm not asking for miracles here John. Just to talk. Just a chance."

"A chance for what?"

"I don't know. A lot depends of you. But something other than... this. I have things to tell if you will listen."

He blinked. And for a microt the words came back to him. "Be patient, be kind, better angels."

"A chance."

She walked to the center of the floor and sat down.

"Just a chance."

He nodded. "A chance. I think I can do that."