This is hopelessly AU now, but at the time it seemed like a good idea.
Rated PG for language
Spoilers up to Promises
Summary John and Aeryn have a little chat
Disclaimer: Everybody knows I own nothing, especially any part of FS.
One More Time
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"Aeryn. What are we doing out here?"
The normally exhilarating feeling of flying in the prowler was giving way to an unfamiliar claustrophobic feeling, brought on, no doubt, by the woman sitting in front of him. How in the hell she'd talked him into coming out here with her was beyond him. He'd been determined to stay away from her and he'd been doing a damned good job of it too. When she'd come to his quarters, he had ignored his heart beating triple time and been as cool as he knew how. Even when she'd walked across the room and stopped in front of him, so close he could smell the scent of her, he'd held firm. Or so he'd thought.
One minute he'd been standing there, fighting with himself over whether to talk to her or not and the next thing he knew he was in the prowler and they were flying away from Moya. He was pretty sure it hadn't been a Pantak jab cause his face still felt in one piece. He'd have said it must be some of Granny's powders, but his nose wasn't still stinging from the noxious stuff. No, he was very much afraid he'd walked here under his own steam.
He was pathetic.
Even after all this, he couldn't resist her. Maybe she'd found some mysterious way of making men do what she wanted, like... NO. Not going there. Never going there. Nope, he was just weak that was all.
She wasn't answering him, but then that didn't surprise him. Apparently, she had sworn some sort of blood oath to never talk to him again. Well, about anything that mattered anyway. Frell! What were they doing out here?
When her voice finally sounded in the small cockpit it made him start. He'd almost forgotten his question.
"I wanted to show you something."
"What? The constellation fuggedaboudit? This is nuts Aeryn. Let's just go b..."
"John!"
Her head whipped around and her long dark hair flew with it. This time when she spoke it came as a hiss.
"Will you shut the frell up?" She turned to him and her face was a mask of frustration and indecision. "I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't be talking to you at all. It's too dangerous. But..." She broke off with a shaky sigh and took a deep breath before beginning again.
"I know you don't understand and I don't blame you for being upset. If there were another way, I'd do it. Whatever it took. But there isn't, at least not now. I need you to trust me one more time. Trust that I can't tell you anything."
"Then what are we doing out here?" He was shaken by the sheer desperation in her words. She obviously thought she was doing the right thing. Was it possible that she was right? Could he live with that? They were talking about his child. Whether he�d done the deed or not, they both knew it was his. And he�d dreamed of having a child with her.
But the price was so high.
"I want... I need to show you something" she repeated "but you have to promise me."
He couldn't stop the bark of laughter that spilled out. A bitter, humorless laugh.
"Another promise, Aeryn? What is it this time? It isn't enough we have Scorpy snuggled up in one of our guest rooms?" He shook his head. "I can't promise to leave it alone Aeryn. To never know. I can't do that."
"I know you can't. But, maybe...just for a while. I need you to give me time. To make it right. I can do nothing now, but it won't be forever. I promise you, I'll do everything in my power to fix this when the time comes. But for now, I need time, and your word you won't ask me anything about what you see. Promise me."
He shut his eyes with a laugh. Another promise. Just how much could he keep giving? How much did he love her? It was a question he'd asked himself a thousand times and each time he came up with the same answer. Beyond Hope. Always.
Well, he was about to prove it. Whatever it was, he just hoped to hell he could live with it.
She was watching him, her eyes pleading.
"Last one Aeryn. I won't make anymore." His throat was closing and he could barely breathe. It was harder to say the words this time than last.
"I...promise."
Her eyes closed briefly and she half smiled half sobbed as she turned to pull something out from under her seat. She had shut the engine down and they were drifting now, just the two of them, alone in the darkness, and he was suddenly feeling the vastness of the universe as she pulled out a small sphere and placed it in her palm.
"It's set to my energy signature. Any attempt to view it by someone else results in its immediate destruction. Even so it's dangerous to have, but... I was weak. I couldn't help myself."
She touched the base of the sphere and a hologram appeared and John�s heart stopped beating for so long he thought he might pass out before it resumed with a vengeance. In the middle of the blue light was the close up of a baby, no more than a month old. The dark fuzz covering the head indicated it would have a head full of thick black hair when it was older and John could have wept when Aeryn came into view. She was holding the baby with tears in her eyes and she seemed to look straight at him.
"His name is Jjarocc."
John's breath came out in a rush and he felt his lips working as he tried to come to grips with what he was seeing.
His son. There was no mistake. He�d seen him in his wild imaginings a thousand times and had never come close to the reality, the wonder of him. The picture froze and he continued to stare at it as the image was seared into his mind.
"Jjarocc."
He said the name under his breath and then realized that it was probably the closest Sebecean name she could get to Jack and he felt his defenses crumble even further. The emotions threatened to overwhelm him, but he couldn't tear his eyes away from the picture. Even as he felt his face go wet with tears he never blinked. The small miracle he was seeing was his dream come true and his hope for the future, all in one tiny pink bundle. In mere microts he would have to return to the harsh reality of his world, his life, but just for a moment he reveled in watching his son in the arms of his love.
When the picture suddenly clicked off he felt the first stirrings of panic as he started to realize just what he'd promised. To give her time, to not ask questions. Damn her, but it better be one hell of a good reason, cause it just might kill him to keep this promise. To trust her with that small warm body he'd just seen and fallen in love with.
"I..." Aeryn started to speak, but the look on his face silenced her.
"No. Just. Don't...say..anything."
He sat there for a long moment, head bowed, trembling with regret and frustration and love, trying to overcome the feeling of loss and anger inside of him. So many emotions he was numb with them.
Finally, he raised his head and looked at her. Ok, she'd had his twin's son, who was technically his. She hadn't killed it, and she could have. She'd shown Jjarocc to him when she didn't have to. She obviously loved her son. And by all that's was holy or not he trusted her. Even with his son.
She was watching him, fear of his reaction in her face. She looked ready to break at any microt, but her eyes pleaded with him to keep his promise.
His voice was a low rasp when he finally spoke. "All right. I'll give you time and I won't ask questions. But you have to promise me something."
He reached up to smooth her hair back and leaned closer. "You promise me, he's ok."
Their eyes locked and he felt the familiar connection between them spreading once again. But, he could cut it off if he had to. If she couldn't promise this then it was too late for them.
Whether he was lying to himself with that thought was never put to the test because in the next instant she gave a small nod and so softly he almost couldn't hear it she said "I promise."
She held up one hand and looked at him, while he slowly raised his to meet it. Fingers intertwined until they were locked tightly together and he could feel the pulse beneath her skin, beating.
"We should go back to Moya now."
Yeah they should, but he wasn't ready just then. He needed more time, and...
"One more time?" He didn't need to say what, she knew. She started the hologram with her free hand and they watched their son one more time. Hand in hand, hoping for one day.
The End
Chris
imloco2
Author
