Close Encounters (G)

Originally posted 4/23/08

Well, this may not have been exactly what ScorpSik was looking for in the 24th Starburst Challenge at Terra Firma, but it's what the muses presented me with, LOL! "Scarecrow and Mrs. King" was my one non-SF obsession, and I couldn't resist playing in that sandbox again. I had a great deal of fun writing this!

This is set during season 1 of SMK (1984), and just after the end of "Terra Firma" in the Farscape side of the story, so the gang speaks English.

Rating: G
Spoilers: None, really
Disclaimer: I don't own Farscape, nor do I own Scarecrow and Mrs. King. No disrespect meant to either property! *g*

Thanks to MadScientist, Loco and Shipscat for the beta reading, and Shipsister for encouragement and some feedback on the early part of the story.

If you aren't a fan of Scarecrow and Mrs. King, this will probably not work very well for you -- but if you are: Enjoy!

Close Encounters

It had been a hectic morning at the King house. There had been one crisis after another as Phillip and Jamie thundered through the house, getting ready for school. Amanda felt she'd been lucky to actually get some breakfast into both of them, and drop them off at school with all of their homework and Jamie's science project. Grateful for a little peace and quiet now that she was home alone for the day, Amanda King pinned up her dark hair to keep it out of her face and headed into the back yard to do a little gardening. There really wasn't a lot on her to do list, just a little weeding and watering to keep the spring flowers happy. She paused for a moment, appreciating her wood-sided Colonial style house, with the matching white picket fence around the yard, the grass and flowers and hedges. It really was exactly what she'd always dreamed of for her life...well, except for the part where she was raising her boys with her mother's help, instead of a husband....

Determined not to go down that path again, Amanda resolutely turned towards the garage to get her gloves and gardening tools. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw something short and squat moving around in the hedges. She pressed her lips together and squinted at the bushes, but whatever it was didn't come into focus. Thinking that the Johnson's dog must have gotten out again, she reached for the garden hose with the spray nozzle on its end. "Shoo!" she said loudly as she turned the water on and let the pressure build so she could spray the intruder if necessary. "Go home!" She took aim at the rustling in the bushes with her nozzle and repeated, "Shoo!"

Just as she was about to let loose with a stream of water, the biggest frog she'd ever seen struggled out of the hedge and put its hands up in front of it. "Don't shoot!" it begged.

Amanda blinked at the sight in front of her. She wasn't sure which was more surprising – that the giant toad talked, or that it was wearing maroon robes! Was she dreaming? "Oh my gosh!" she blurted. "What are you?"

The creature pulled itself up with what she could only think of as dignity. "I am Dominar Rygel XVI," it said, "ruler of over 600 billion subjects. You may call me Dominar."

Of all the nerve! "What are you doing in my back yard?" she demanded. "This is private property!"

The frog scowled. "Blame Crichton and his frelling wormholes!"

That made no sense at all, and when the...dominar...took a step forward, Amanda took a deep breath and said, "Stop right there!" She waved the hose at him again.

He stopped immediately. "Look, they'll be coming back for me soon. If you'll just put that thing down, I'm sure we can work this out." He nodded nervously at her hands.

Amanda looked down at the spray nozzle she still held. He was clearly afraid of it! She started to ask where he was from that he didn't recognize a simple watering tool, and then realized that she really didn't want the neighbors to see her talking to a frog (or to herself). She afraid she was already getting a bit of a reputation, what with Lee Stetson sneaking through the bushes and tapping on her kitchen window at all hours of the day and night. When she protested, he insisted that as a trained spy he was good at not being noticed – but he didn't understand nosy neighbors like she did!

She looked down at Dominar Rygel again and thought for a moment. The boys were at school, and her mother had gone to visit with a friend for the day, so there was no one in the house. She sighed and shook her head. "You can come inside with me," she told him. "But no funny business!"

"Funny business?" he echoed.

"Inside," she said, waving at the door. "Go on!"

With a large sigh, the frog waddled into the house, and Amanda followed him warily. She looked around the yard to make sure the coast was clear – of neighbors or more giant frogs – before she closed the kitchen door behind them.

* * * * * * * *

With her back to the door, Amanda crossed her arms and scowled at the creature in front of her. She'd seen a lot of strange things since she'd gotten mixed up with Lee Stetson and The Agency, but a talking frog was stranger than most. Where on earth had he come from? He'd said he was ruler of over 600 billion subjects – were there that many frogs on earth? Either he was delusional, or she was! He gave her what she thought was supposed to be an ingratiating smile, and she snapped, "Where did you come from? And what were you doing hiding in my back yard?"

He scowled back. "Crichton's frelling wormhole farted," he growled, "and instead of getting back home, we ended up here. Then instead of leaving right away, he said we had to see if anything had gone strange because he was in the wrong time. So we took a transport pod down to your planet, and I wasn't feeling well so I got out to vomit and then they took off without me! I was hiding in your yard to stay out of sight until they come back for me!" At the end of this recitation, the frog demanded, "Did that help you any?" Amanda stared at him, a blank expression on her face, and he continued triumphantly, "No, I didn't think so!"

Reluctantly, she had to admit he was right. That hadn't made any sense at all. Unless.... Down to your planet, he'd said. Several of her boys' favorite movies leaped to mind. "Are you saying you're an alien? Like E.T.? Or Yoda?" Not that Yoda was ever on earth, but he was little and green and he talked.

"Those are fiction," Rygel said with disdain. "But, not to put too fine a point on it, yes."

Amanda's eyes popped out. Either she was having a nervous breakdown, or she had a real live space alien in her kitchen! Not that she believed in space aliens! Why would space aliens come to earth anyway? This was a very boring planet. And how did he know E.T. and Yoda were fiction?

The space alien apparently got tired of her goggling. He drew himself up again and said, "Look, do you have any food? I'm starving!"

The good hostess in her warred with the part that was worried that she'd lost her mind. The hostess won. Maybe he'd let her think while he was eating and she could figure out what to do. Now she needed to decide what to serve him.... Hmmm. It was still pretty early in the morning. "Well," she said, "I've got some bacon left over from breakfast. And there's cereal. And there's juice in the fridge." As she ticked off the possibilities, she wondered if he even knew what all that was.

But she needn't have worried about that. The space frog was already shaking his head. "Just give me candy," he said. "Or some of those little cakes with the gooey filling....Twinkies? Is that what you call them? That will do nicely to tide me over."

Irked, Amanda said, "You know, for a ruler of 600 billion people, you're not very polite! Didn't anyone ever teach you to say please?"

"A dominar doesn't have to say please!"

She was about to tell him that whether he had to or not, he should be polite, when she heard a tapping at the window behind her. She jerked upright and stared. Sure enough, there was Lee Stetson's smiling face, peering in the window. Oh my gosh!

Without another thought, she shoved Rygel into the pantry, hissing, "You stay in here for a minute!"

"Hey!" he called through the door.

"And be quiet!" she added, hurrying to the kitchen door and hoping she could get rid of Lee quickly.

* * * * * * * *

Amanda couldn't have said why she felt it necessary to hide her visitor from Lee, but her instincts said she should, and she always followed her instincts. After a quick glance behind her to make sure Rygel was out of sight, she put a smile on her face and opened the kitchen door. Standing in the doorway, she said, "Good morning, Lee." He looked at her expectantly, and it crossed her mind that he looked really handsome with that expression on his face, but she knew nothing was ever going to come of her interest and she pushed the thought aside. She stood her ground, blocking the doorway. "You're out early," she said. He wouldn't be here if he didn't want something, so she felt no qualms about asking bluntly, "What do you want me to do?"

"Well," he began awkwardly, and then stopped and took a deep breath. "Are you going to let me in?"

She suppressed a sigh. He already knew her mother and the boys were gone for the day or he wouldn't have knocked on the window at all, and if she didn't let him in, he was going to get suspicious. Besides, the same neighbors she hadn't wanted to see Rygel might notice her second visitor, and she didn't want him seen, either. Grudgingly, she stepped back and let him in the kitchen.

Lee's impeccably tailored suit contrasted sharply with the jeans and button-front shirt Amanda had put on for gardening, making her feel discouragingly like the suburban housewife she was. They stared at each other awkwardly for a few seconds, and then spoke simultaneously: "Do you want some coffee?" "See, there's this charity function—" They broke off and stared at each other again, sheepish.

In the silence, a rattle and several thumps came from the pantry, along with a muffled sound that might have been someone saying, "Oof!" Lee's attention was drawn immediately. "What's that?" he asked with concern.

"Nothing!" Amanda said, too quickly. "Just mice." Mice? Of all the stupid things to say, she'd never allow a mouse in the house, and Lee knew it. He scowled in disbelief.

At that moment, the pantry door opened, and Rygel waddled out, carrying an open jar of peanut butter in his stubby hands. Amanda and Lee stared, and she couldn't help noticing he had some of the sticky food on his fingers.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?" Lee bellowed, pointing at Rygel, who smiled up at him contentedly.

Amanda gasped. "Language, Lee!" She thought furiously, and said the first thing that came to mind. "It's just a doll! A space alien doll of Jamie's. He must have left it turned on when he left for school!"

"Amanda, it's walking!"

Amanda winced. This was not going well at all!

* * * * * * * *

"Stay back, Amanda!" Before she could say anything, Lee had pulled his gun from his shoulder holster and pointed it at Rygel, holding it steady with two hands.

The space alien dropped the jar of peanut butter, and it landed on the floor with a thud. "On't oot! On't oot!" His tongue was stuck to the roof of his mouth, and his words weren't clear, though the meaning was. His hand were in the air, and he was scared to death, for the second time that morning. This was looking more and more like the events of "E.T."! Were they going to try to dissect him next?

Ignoring Lee, Amanda reached into the fridge and pulled out a carton of milk. She saw Rygel reach out and shook her head. "We do not drink out of the carton in this house!" She pulled a glass out of the cupboard, poured him some milk, and handed it to him.

The small alien swallowed several times to free his tongue and then handed the glass back to her with a frown. "Oh, I don't think this milk agrees with me." As if on cue, there was a rumble from Rygel's stomach and the distinctive sound of gasses escaping.

It smelled unpleasant, and Amanda couldn't help wrinkling up her nose. Of course, she was too polite to say anything...until Rygel didn't excuse himself. Then habit born of ten years of mothering small boys kicked in. "You should say 'Excuse me,' when you do that," she said. To her horror, her voice sounded high and squeaky, like the boys did when they were playing with a helium balloon.

"What the hell!" Lee squeaked, waving one hand in front of his nose while he kept a grip on his gun with the other. "Man, that stinks!"

"Lee!" She wasn't sure whether it was the profanity or the rudeness she was objecting to, but either way he deserved the rebuke. She wondered about his mother sometimes!

"It's odorless!" Rygel insisted.

Lee and Amanda stared at each other, digesting this patent falsehood. If Rygel were one of her boys, she'd have taken him to task for it, but, maybe, she thought suddenly, it really didn't smell bad to him! After all, he was a space alien. Who knew how his nose worked. She shrugged at Lee, and he shook his head and started an interrogation – of her, not the frog. "Amanda," he hissed, "what is that, and what's it doing in your house?"

"If you must know, I found him in my garden this morning when I went out to do some watering," she hissed back, relieved that her voice sounded normal again. "I brought him inside so the neighbors wouldn't see him! He's from outer space and he's waiting for someone to pick him up so he can go home, like E.T. in that movie!" Lee looked at her like she'd lost her mind. Of course, he did that a lot, but it was still really annoying. "Ask him yourself!"

Lee turned back to the alien. He automatically looked way over the top of Rygel's head, and then checked himself and lowered his gaze to where he could see Rygel's face. "Okay, you're obviously not from around here!" he began, every word an accusation.

Rygel refused to be intimidated. "Oh, brilliant deduction," he said. "Even Crichton figured that one out right away. Your species really is deficient!"

Undeterred, Lee continued, "Who do you work for? The Russians? Maybe the Chinese?"

Was he suggesting frog spies? Astonished that Lee would even consider such a thing, though maybe she shouldn't have been, because Lee saw spies lurking in every situation, Amanda blurted, "You really think the Russians have sent giant talking frogs to spy on us?"

Keeping his gun pointed in Rygel's direction, Lee looked towards her. "What was that he said? Kryton? That sounds like a Russian name to me, Amanda!"

Honestly, Lee was the most stubborn person she knew. Well, two could play at that game. "I believe he's from outer space," she insisted. "There's nothing like him on earth! Jamie just did a science project on amphibians and I helped him with all his research, and even the Titicaca frog in South America doesn't get anywhere near as big as he is! And you know as well as I do that frogs don't talk, Lee!"

"I don't know, Amanda. I've seen some classified reports. The East Germans are doing some amazing work in genetics!"

She gave him her most skeptical look. "You'd rather think he's a giant Communist frog than that he came from outer space?"

Lee scowled, but Amanda could see from the expression on his face that he agreed with her, much as he didn't want to. "No, no," he said, with a shake of his head. "I think you're right. He's from outer space...but he still might work for the Communists."

"Lee—" Amanda began, completely exasperated, but the dominar finally got tired of their arguing and interrupted.

"I work for no one!" he thundered. "I am ruler of 600 billion subjects!"

Lee and Amanda turned to look at Rygel again. "Then where's your entourage, huh?" Lee asked. "Travelling a little light?" Rygel only scowled, and Lee turned to Amanda again. "Can I use your phone?"

"What for?"

"I need to call Billy and get an Agency team out here."

"You're going to turn him in? We can't do that!"

"Amanda, he's an alien! Who knows why he's here or what trouble he could cause! And even if he's not planning anything, just imagine the panic if people found out there are aliens out there in space!"

"Lee, he just wants to go home! Didn't you see 'E.T.'?"

At that moment, a disembodied voice spoke from Rygel's direction. "Sparky, are you there?"

With a huge sigh of relief, Rygel answered the call on what Amanda assumed was some kind of radio communicator. "Where the frell are you, Crichton?"

"Pretty close, by the fix we have. We should be there in about 200 microts. You okay?"

Rygel glanced at Lee, who looked very uncertain."Not entirely," Rygel said to the voice from the air. "There are weapons in play...."

"Shi—" There was a brief pause, and then the voice continued, "Okay, Ryge, sit tight. We'll take care of it."

"Hurry," Rygel said, looking anxiously at Lee again.

"See! I told you, Amanda! There's more of them," Lee said, as if that meant anything.

"He just wants to leave, Lee. I don't think we should interfere," Amanda insisted.

Before Lee could say anything else, there was a loud noise from the back yard, like a jet plane landing, and then the kitchen door flew open. Fully expecting another two-foot-tall frog, Amanda was stunned to see a completely different-looking alien, one who was so tall, he had to duck to get through the door! He had tentacles on top of his head, and more hanging from his chin, and he was pointing something that looked like a sword at them. "Rygel," he growled. "Out. Now!" When Lee turned his gun towards the newcomer, the alien waved his weapon gently and said, "Uh, uh, uh. You don't want to do that."

To Amanda's relief, Lee decided that he definitely didn't, and holstered the gun.

Without so much as a thank you, Dominar Rygel scooted out Amanda's kitchen door as fast as his little legs would carry him, and his tentacled rescuer turned and followed him out, closing the door behind him.

Lee and Amanda rushed to the kitchen window and looked out, just in time to see a blocky-looking UFO rising out of her yard.

* * * * * * * *

As the sound of rocket engines died away, Amanda turned to Lee and said, "The phone is right there."

Lee shook his head in disgust. "I don't need it anymore."

Puzzled, she asked, "Why not? You were all set to call Mr. Melrose a few minutes ago! We can still report that he was here. Somebody must need to know an alien was here."

"Without evidence? Not a chance, Amanda."

"But we saw him. We saw two aliens, and we saw their spaceship! We could testify."

"Amanda, what do you think The Agency would do to us if we reported seeing space aliens in your kitchen?"

She shrugged, indicating she didn't have a clue.

"They would have us in the Psych Department for an evaluation so fast, it'd make your head swim!"

"The Psych Department? Really?"

He nodded vigorously. "Uh-huh. Really."

They stared at each other in horror at that prospect, until Amanda cleared her throat and broke the silence. "So, Lee, you're here early this morning. What did you want me for?"

Lee looked at her for another moment, and then snorted good-naturedly and accepted her diversion with a grin. "Billy sent me, actually," he said. "We need to get into the big charity auction that the Daughters of Arlington is holding tomorrow, and...."

Amanda let Lee ramble on. She knew she'd end up doing whatever it was he wanted her to do. For one thing, he needed her to watch his back, no matter what he said, and for another, she really appreciated the chance to help her country. As he talked, she wondered about Dominar Rygel, and whether he had gotten home safe and sound. She wished she could tell the boys about meeting a real, live space alien, but they either wouldn't believe it, or they'd tell all their friends, and Lee was right – it wasn't a good idea for people to think you believed in aliens. She turned her attention back to Lee. "Of course I can," she agreed. "Mother's on the committee and I promised I'd help her with the flowers, so I'll be there hours before the auction starts. Now, tell me about this man we're spying on."

"You mean the man I'm spying on," Lee said. "You are getting me in the door!"

Amanda didn't bother to contradict him. "So, who is he?" she asked again. Whoever he was, she was sure he wouldn't be as interesting as a frog-like ruler of billions....