Aeryn and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day (PG-ish)

Originally posted 10/10/05

I was rereading Family Ties, my story for the Terra Firma Beach Bash, and I was struck by the fact that the Sun Crichton children were just, well, perfect, and little Pippin was pretty darn perfect, too. And anyone who spends any time around children knows that that isn't the normal state, LOL! So, this story is basically not so perfect.... It's probably helpful to have read Family Ties to see how we got here, but it's not vital. You just need to know that J&A are presently raising Chiana's son, nicknamed Pippin by John.

Rating: PG-13 (for the first scene, probably PG after that)
Setting: About 8 cycles after PK Wars and a cycle after my Family Ties
Spoilers: Like, through PKW
Disclaimer: Not my characters, not my universe, no disrespect intended....and with apologies to Judith Viorst for stealing her title and a few lines, and to Shipscat, who already stole the title for Crichton and the Terrible, Horrible, No-Good Very Bad Day!

Thanks to imloco2 and shipsister for beta duties and encouragement, and to ShipsCat and ScaperRed for taking a look at it!

(Oh, and there are at least two more stories in this future rattling around in the back of my head, one that's totally Chiana, and one that's J&A&family....)

Aeryn and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Sex with John Crichton was many things, but on mornings like this, it was the ultimate much-needed pick-me-up. Aeryn closed her eyes and let the energy fill her as he caressed her skin with movements just a little bit clumsy from lack of sleep. It had only been a couple of arns since Pippin had fallen asleep through sheer exhaustion after sobbing most of the night, and they'd collapsed into bed themselves. Mmmm, yes, she could feel her blood quicken when John touched her just...there.... She moaned softly in pleasure, spreading her legs just a bit, and reached for the man who had shared her bed for over eight cycles now, knowing just where to touch him to stir his passions in return.

It didn't take much this morning....

John groaned appreciatively, and heaved himself up above her, looked at her through heavy-lidded eyes that were dark with desire.

"You're awake I see," she grinned, already aching to feel him inside her, to feel the excitement build.

He smiled, but let actions speak instead of words.

She'd nearly lost herself to the intense pleasure of his probing fingers when a sound intruded on her consciousness from somewhere beyond their bedchamber. John heard it too, she knew, because he paused, breathing hard, and listened.

It was the sound of Pippin, crying.

Frell!

They looked at each other, questioning.

"He can wait," John blurted, arms trembling.

Aeryn nodded, stifling any pangs of guilt with the knowledge that they wouldn't be long, not when they'd gotten themselves this excited, this quickly....

But it only took a microt to realize that the sound of their youngest child's tears was coming closer. Only a cycle old and unable to get out of his bed on his own yet, Pippin was almost certainly not alone. "Frell!" Aeryn muttered, already coming down, at the same time as John let out a loud groan of frustration. It wasn't until there was a knock at the door, however, that he gave up hope of completion and flopped back down on the bed beside her.

"Mom? Dad? Pippin won't stop crying...."

"In a microt, D'Argo," Aeryn called, to give herself a moment to gather her wits about her. Not only hadn't the interrupted sex given her the energy she'd been anticipating, but it had added its own layer of distraction to her thoughts. She looked over at John.

He took a couple of deep breaths and shook his head. "I'm going to take a shower. A cold shower."

"You have two hands," she heard herself saying resentfully as she climbed out of bed and pulled on the sleep pants and shirt she'd discarded a little earlier.

No doubt stung by her tone, John glared at her for a few microts, then snapped, "I guess I do at that."

Well, frell you, she thought, which only made her more annoyed.

"Mom?"

"I'm coming D'Argo," she sighed, running her fingers through her long dark hair to tidy it. As soon as she heard the bathroom door close behind her, she went to the door to the hallway and opened it. With a supreme effort, she managed to smile at her firstborn, who was bouncing his little brother in his arms with an expression of concern on his face.

Aeryn tousled D'Argo's hair, which earned her a frown, and took the baby from him. "Come on," she said, and headed out to start the day on two arns' sleep....

* * * * * * * *

Pippin continued to be fussy at breakfast, for no apparent reason. They'd exhausted all the obvious clues yesterday – he didn't seem to be teething, wasn't tugging at his ears, had no visible injuries, his color and temperature were normal, and so was his elimination – he was even eating normally. The local physician had suggested it was just a phase, and told them to "let him cry it out," which was easier said than done.

Aeryn held the baby in her lap, hoping to comfort him, and tried to carry on a conversation with the rest of the family.

It didn't go so well....

John unexpectedly took exception to the schedule of regular practice with a pulse pistol that she proposed for D'Argo.

"Three arns a week? Aeryn, he's only eight, he should be spending that time playing, not shooting things!"

She gaped at him. "We agreed! Proficiency with weapons is a necessary part of their education!"

"You agreed!"

"It's only a frelling target, John, not a person, and you take him fishing! He kills fish!"

"That's different!"

With the recklessness of youth, the boy entered the fray. "I want to practice with a pulse pistol!" he pleaded. "I want to get as good as Mom!"

"D'Argo," John said, in that exasperating superior tone of his, "You're talking about shooting. Bang, bang, you're dead!"

"So? I might need to shoot somebody someday."

John glared at her again.... This is your fault, was very clear in his eyes.

Aeryn bit back the reply to John that was forming in her head and turned to her son instead. "D'Argo, I hope you never need to shoot anyone. But" – and she gave John another glare – "you should be prepared to defend yourself." She hesitated briefly, and then, because John truly had agreed, however reluctantly, with the necessity of weapons training for their son, she declared, "We'll do practice this afternoon."

D'Argo pumped his fist and exclaimed, "Yee-esss!" while his parents locked eyes over his head.

Aeryn was just beginning to sense John backing down when Hope piped up. "I want to shoot too! I wouldn't shoot people!"

Both adults turned their eyes to their daughter.

"No," John said flatly, even as Aeryn pointed out, "Your hands are too small."

"I'm five!" the girl wheedled. She wiggled her fingers at them and said, "My hands are big enough!"

"When you're as big as D'Argo is now, you can shoot," Aeryn said, only to have John cut her off with a resounding, "No!"

Aeryn closed her eyes and begged the universe for strength.

* * * * * * * *

D'Argo was the only one who was truly happy after the morning meal. He attacked his lessons with enthusiasm while Hope sat beside him at the table and looked at hers listlessly. Aeryn assumed her daughter was sulking over having been denied a chance at target practice.

Pippin seemed to be feeling a bit better, at least, and John had taken him outside. Aeryn watched from the window as the two of them wandered near the house. Their little Nebari baby had learned to walk at half a cycle, much sooner than D'Argo or Hope had, and he usually tended to bounce around in odd skips and hops. Watching him dart around often made her think of Chiana and wonder how she was doing.

Today, though, poor thing, Pippin was walking much more solemnly, one foot carefully in front of the other, sticking to John as if they were magnetized. Aeryn's gut agreed with the diagnosis that the baby wasn't seriously ill, but she really wanted to know what was making him so miserable.

She sighed and turned her back on the window.

When she saw that D'Argo had finished his mathematics, she sent him for her pulse pistol.

He reappeared breathlessly, the weapon held carefully in two hands, though it wasn't very heavy. Aeryn suspected he was taking no chances that she would decide he wasn't taking this privilege seriously....

She took the pulse pistol from her son with a smile, then removed the chakan oil cartridge and disassembled the weapon as he watched. She set the oil cartridge on a high shelf and spread the rest of the pieces on the table where D'Argo had been working. "You put it back together now," she told him.

The boy's eyes lit up and he reached immediately for the first two pieces.

She could have taught him to strip and rebuild the gun by rote, as she had learned, but he was good with puzzles, and she thought he would enjoy the challenge this way. She would help him if he needed it, and they would go back over it together when he was done to make sure there were no errors, but in the meantime, she let him work on his own.

Hope, sitting beside D'Argo with her lesson pad active but ignored, was still sulking. The girl had her elbows on the table and her chin propped in her hands, and was staring morosely across the room in the general direction of the front door. Lack of sleep made Aeryn less than sympathetic. "Finish your lessons, Hope!" she said sharply. "This is D'Argo's assignment!" But a microt later, thinking of disappointments in her own childhood, she reined in her temper and said more gently, "Perhaps you and your father can play tadak while D'Argo and I are at the practice range."

Just then the door opened and Aeryn turned to make sure it was John coming back inside with the little one. She smiled wanly at him, and was about to say something when from behind her she heard the unmistakable – and definitely unpleasant – sound of a child vomiting....

"Eeewww, Mom!" D'Argo yelped. "Hope just puked all over!"

It was all Aeryn could do not to walk out the door and keep walking. You're tougher than that, she told herself sternly, and made herself turn around to assess the damage.

Frell!

D'Argo took Pippin, John took Hope, and Aeryn sat down at the table.

In all her years in the Peacekeepers, she'd never had to clean vomit out of a pulse pistol before.... Blood, yes, certainly. Brains, occasionally....but never vomit....

Why did she have all these children again?

* * * * * * * *

By the time she had the weapon thoroughly cleaned, Pippin was sobbing again. Aeryn swapped D'Argo the pulse weapon for his little brother. She did her best to soothe the baby, cuddling him in her arms, but nothing seemed to help any more than it had the previous day. From time to time the little one wiped his snot-covered face on her shirt, but mostly he clung to her like a Delvian limpet and let the entire household know he was miserable.

John reappeared with Hope drowsing in his arms. He settled her down on the maas with a blanket and pillow and stood up. He frowned briefly at the sight of D'Argo once again assembling Aeryn's pulse pistol and then nodded at Hope and said, "I think she's going to be out like a light for a while. Looks like she's got that bug D had last week."

"Oh. Right." Guilt penetrated Aeryn's brain over not having recognized the signs that her daughter was actually ill, not sulking. It made her wonder if she was missing something with the baby, too. He still had absolutely no symptoms that suggested an illness, and the medic had said he was all right, but.... This had to be something peculiar to Nebari children. Chiana would probably know exactly what was wrong and how to make him feel better!

Worried in spite of herself, and out of patience and sympathy at the same time, Aeryn pried Pippin's arms from around her neck and shoved him at John.

John took him reflexively, but when the baby let out a louder wail, he said, "I think he wants you."

"It's time for D'Argo's target practice!" she said briskly, desperate to get out of the house for a while.

Pippin's sobs continued unabated. "Mmmm-mmmm-mmmm...." The sound vibrated through the air, and he tried to throw himself from John's arms back to Aeryn.

"See, he wants you!"

Frustrated, and annoyed at the hint of triumph in John's voice, Aeryn said, "Well it's not making him happy, is it? All he's doing is trying to strangle me, and screaming in my ear!"

"Aeryn, he wants his mother."

"Well, I'm not his mother, am I!" She didn't mean it of course, not in the sense that John took it, and she shook her head, trying to ward off an explosion. "You know what I mean! This is a frelling Nebari thing, and I'm not Nebari!"

"What makes you think it's Nebari?"

"I don't know. My maternal instincts!" Not that they'd worked very well with Hope today.... She shoved that thought brutally aside.

"You just said you weren't his mother," John sneered.

Aeryn reached for the pulse pistol D'Argo had just reassembled, reminding herself that shooting his father in front of him would be a bad example.

She snatched the chakan oil cartridge. "Come on, D'Argo," she said as calmly as she could. "It's time for your practice."

* * * * * * * *

D'Argo was quiet during the first part of the walk to the target range, which suited Aeryn just fine, as it gave her a chance to calm down a bit.

"Mom," he said suddenly, when they were about halfway there, "is Pippin not my brother any more?"

Aeryn stopped dead and stared at him. "What?"

"You told Dad you're not his mother. So does that make him not my brother?"

Oh, frell! Why did children have to be so literal? Why did she have to say things without thinking them through? She started walking again and tried to explain. "D'Argo, Pippin is part of this family, and I love him as much as I love you and Hope. And I'm the mother in this family, and that includes Pippin."

"But you said—"

"I don't always say exactly what I mean, D'Argo. Especially if I'm angry," she admitted, "I don't always use the right words." He frowned at her, but continued to listen. "I didn't give birth to Pippin, Chiana did, so in that way, I'm not his mother. And I think the reason he's so unhappy right now has something to do with him being Nebari, not Sebacean or Human. Something I don't know, because I'm not Nebari like he is."

"So, you mean you're not his Nebari mother?"

Aeryn heaved a sigh of relief. "Yes. Exactly."

"So he's my brother?"

"He is your brother."

Satisfied, D'Argo lapsed back into silence.

Chewing her lip, Aeryn wondered guiltily if she needed to make sure that Hope and even Pippin hadn't misunderstood her comment as well. She didn't think so, though. Pip hadn't been paying attention to anything beyond his misery, poor little one, and Hope had been asleep. Thank goodness D'Argo had asked for an explanation.... She glanced down at him, and saw that, problem solved, he was trotting along in quiet anticipation of their practice session. With an effort, she turned her focus there, too.

When they arrived at their destination, there were some dark clouds on the horizon, but the sky was still clear overhead, with plenty of light for their purposes. Aeryn and D'Argo exchanged satisfied grins.

"Target range" was rather a grand term for a clearing with a large dead tree standing at one end, but it had served to keep her – and John – from getting rusty over the past couple of cycles. They generally just chose a blemish on the motra-wide trunk and shot at it, trusting themselves and each other to be honest about their accuracy. For D'Argo's sake, as a beginner, she affixed a large target marked off in squares, so they could both see clearly how close he was coming to what he was aiming at.

She had him hold the gun in two hands for extra stability, showed him how to sight, and told him to go ahead and take a shot at the target, aiming for the center.

Aeryn was pleased when his first shot actually hit the target, high and to the right, but nonetheless, solidly on the board. "Well done!"

"I hit it!" D'Argo's grin lit up the afternoon.

"It was a very good shot for your first time out. Now, I want you to take your time and fire off ten shots, see how many times you can hit it. It's not as easy as it looks," she cautioned.

With great seriousness, the boy fired ten shots at the target. The weapon's recoil threw him off when he tried to fire too rapidly in succession, but he quickly learned to take the extra time he needed to aim properly. By the time he was done, eight more scorch marks had joined his original hit on the target, several of them near the center. "I'm going to have to make you stand further away next round," she threatened, her voice reflecting her pride.

D'Argo beamed, and together they walked towards the target to examine the results more closely.

They were nearly there when a small fur-covered beast wandered into the clearing maybe two motras ahead of them. They stopped dead, recognizing it for what it was – an animal that John had dubbed "Pe-pay La Pew" after a character in a children's cartoon on his homeworld. The name didn't translate, but the spewing of noxious chemicals as a defense did.

Aeryn exchanged a glance with her son and nodded behind them, indicating they should move backwards. D'Argo nodded and they started to back away as quietly as possible.

Unfortunately, Aeryn's first step came down on a dry twig, startling the creature.

She watched in slow motion as the Lay Pew turned and ran – letting loose a smelly spray in their direction. She and D'Argo both turned and scrambled away, but they weren't fast enough to avoid the shower completely. Hezmana, that smelled bad!

"Peeee-yewwwww!" D'Argo gasped, even as his mother bellowed, "Frell!"

Frell, frell, frell, frell, frell! "Are you all right," she asked D'Argo, who was wrinkling his nose and fanning his face with his hands. "It didn't get in your eyes?"

"No, I'm okay," he assured her. "It just really stinks!"

Aeryn shook her head and tried to breathe through her nose. At least she knew that unlike John's story about skunks on Earth, this spray washed off fairly easily with water.

Apparently thinking the same thing, D'Argo volunteered, "We could wash it off in the river and finish shooting...."

Aeryn almost laughed at his enthusiasm, but the prospect of standing around in the clearing wearing wet clothes for the rest of the afternoon wasn't at all appealing. Besides, the dark clouds that had been on the horizon when they arrived were rolling in rapidly. She shook her head and told him, "No, it's time to just give this day up for lost. We'll go home and use the shower."

"But Mom—"

"Don't argue," she snapped, last vestiges of good humor gone. She turned and stalked down the path, trusting her son to follow.

Her mood sank deeper as she walked, thinking of the cranky husband, even crankier baby, and sick child that were waiting for her. Just when she'd decided it couldn't get any worse, there was a huge clap of thunder, and water poured from the sky.

Aeryn stopped dead and groaned. She closed her eyes and wondered what she'd done to piss off the universe.

D'Argo patted her arm. "Mom?"

She reluctantly opened her eyes and looked at him. Water was already dripping off of them both.

When he saw that he had her attention, D'Argo paused for maximum effect and then drawled, "At least we won't stink when we get home."

She couldn't help it, she burst out laughing – it was either that, or cry. She took a deep breath and then put her arm around his shoulder for a quick hug. "Well, that's something good happening today, isn't it?" she agreed. "Your father might even let us inside to bathe."

D'Argo snickered in response, and Aeryn's mood was a little lighter as they trekked back to the house.

All the same, she wished she'd shot the skunk.

* * * * * * * *

John was obviously bursting to tell her something when she and D'Argo got back to the house, but one look at the sour expression on her dripping wet face – or maybe it was a whiff of the remains of their run in with the Lay Pew – and he backed off and sent them to clean up. It wasn't until she had showered and dressed in clean, dry clothes that Aeryn realized that something had changed while she was out: Pippin wasn't crying.

The silence was deafening.

Wondering if the baby had fallen asleep again, which would have been a good thing in itself because he certainly needed the rest, she finished toweling off her hair and went out into the living area to see what had happened.

To her surprise, John and D'Argo were sitting together at the table, D'Argo carefully cleaning her pulse pistol under his father's watchful eye. Pippin was standing on the seat of the chair next to John, his little hands on the table, bouncing up and down happily. She looked over at the couch and saw that Hope was still sleeping, and then turned her attention back to the males in the family. As she watched, not sure whose behavior was more astonishing – John's, or Pippin's – the little one made a grab for a piece of the weapon. John reached to stop him, and caught sight of her.

"Hey! Look who's here," he told Pippin. "Mommy!"

Tempting bits of pulse pistol forgotten, Pippin turned around and looked for her. When he caught sight of her his face lit up in a big smile. He held out his arms and called, "Mama!"

Aeryn scooped him out of the chair and gave him a hug and a kiss, and ruffled his thick black hair. "Hey, little one," she crooned. "You look like you're feeling better."

He wasn't much for talking yet, but Pippin nodded three times. Much better!

She settled him on her hip, and looked at John. "Well?"

"I didn't actually do anything. Look under his shirt."

Pippin grabbed the bottom edge of the shirt and tried to pull it up. He didn't manage to expose more than his belly, and Aeryn lifted it the rest of the way, pushing slowly enough so that he could "help."

"What's this?" she asked, mystified. There were several narrow bands of dark coloring showing against the stark white of his skin at the top of his chest, towards his collarbone. She fingered the pigment gently, looking for a reaction from the baby, but he just grinned at her. John had that smug look on his face again, so she prompted once more, "Well?"

"It's the first stage of his skin coloring! Our little boy is growing up!"

She was too tired to cater to John's sense of the dramatic, and she sighed, loudly.

He relented, and explained. "While you two were out shooting defenseless trees," he said, indicating D'Argo with a nod of his head, "this guy finally perked up. Then when I went to change him, I saw those dark spots, and I thought it might be a rash, but it didn't seem to bother him any."

Well, no, actually, he seems a lot happier, she thought, but she decided not to say it aloud. There'd been enough fighting today….

John caught her irritation anyway and got to the point. "I checked with the Diagnosian's Nebari database and found out that Nebari get those darker patches on their skin in stages, starting at about Pip's age. Most kids never even notice, but for some, it makes 'em real cranky till it pops out." He shrugged. "Guess it didn't show up in our search before because it's so unusual."

Aeryn shook her head. "Poor Pippin, you got our luck, didn't you?"

John chuckled. "I think he inherited it fair and square from Chiana."

"You could be right about that," Aeryn conceded, though she barely got the sentence out before she was overtaken by a huge yawn.

"We should probably make an early night of it," John said, stifling a yawn of his own. "Nobody got much sleep last night."

"It's still light outside, Dad," D'Argo pointed out.

"I didn't mean right this minute, D."

"I'm just sayin'...."

Aeryn rolled her eyes and went to check on her daughter.

* * * * * * * *

Aeryn shut the bedroom door gratefully. The baby had fallen asleep in his dinner, and Hope, though clearly feeling much better, hadn't lasted much longer. Even D'Argo had crawled off to bed early.

Sleep.... Oh, yes, that was what she needed....

John snuck up behind her and slipped his arms around her waist and gave her a hug.

She turned around in his arms and wrapped her arms around him, resting her cheek on his chest briefly. Her world always narrowed down to John in the end. Sometimes he was completely incomprehensible, as today, showing D'Argo how to clean a weapon he didn't want to be part of his son's life. "Why did you do that?" she asked drowsily.

"What?"

"Teach D'Argo how to clean the pulse pistol."

John was silent for a few microts. "Well, it was wet and stinky and you never know, we might need it...." She pulled her head back and squinted at him. He laughed at the expression on her face and then got serious. "I figured he needs to know the whole nine yards."

"Thank you. I hope they never need it but...."

"Was he any good? Really?"

"Honestly? Yes. With practice, he'll be very good."

"I guess that's something," he grunted. "Being average can get you killed." He looked away into the distance and then added, "I'm glad he's got you for a teacher."

It was a huge concession, and they let it go at that and got ready for bed without any more conversation.

Looking forward to an uninterrupted night's sleep, Aeryn settled into bed on her side. John curled up behind her, draping his arm around her. It was a very safe place to be, and very comforting after the day they'd had. At least things had sorted themselves out with the little one.

"I was right about Pippin," she said, unable to resist a little gloating.

"Mmm?"

"I said it was a Nebari thing."

"I guess you did," John said, scooting closer to her. "All's well that end's well," he mumbled into her hair.

"Mmmm. But this has been a very bad day."

"Terrible," John agreed.

"Horrible."

John chuckled in that way he had that said he'd remembered something from long ago and far away. "Some days are like that."

Not very frelling many of them, she hoped, but that was probably tempting fate. She sighed.

Nuzzling her neck, John added, "Even in Australia."

She wondered if that would have made sense if she weren't so tired. It didn't matter. "You really are demented," she said, her voice low and warm with love and amusement mingled.

"Um. Maybe," John said, and rolled her over so she was on her back and looking up at him. He grinned at her, and she reached her mouth towards him for a kiss. He obliged, and it wasn't long before she realized she wasn't quite as tired as she thought.

Neither, apparently, was John. "We, uh, could pick up where we left off this morning," he breathed into her ear.

"Mmm, I think I could be persuaded...."

Aeryn's shirt was on the floor, and John's sleep pants had joined them when their daughter's small voice came from just outside their room.

"Mommy? There's a Scarran under my bed!"